after date # 2 - how do i turn him down?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
after date # 2 - how do i turn him down?
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 6:37pm

i met a guy online maybe 5 weeks ago and we kept emailing for the first 4 weeks, pretty much daily.

we met in person last monday and it was ok but he a) didnt look exactly like his photo..and stupid me didnt ask to see other photos of him before hand. it's not that im deeply invested in looks but i have SIX recent photos of myself. he has ONE that's likely a few years old as he now has pretty much grey hair, an added 20 lbs or so and cant see without glasses.

after dat # 1 i felt ok but wasnt really into him. we went out again tonite and i actually almost cancelled beforehand cos i knew there was no spark. we went out anyway and had dinner etc and then we kissed goodbye but spark. nothing.

i know he'll ask me out again and just dont know what to say. im not even gonna offer to be friends cos it's just insulting and i ve been on taht end before.

soooo what do

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 3:29am

Just be clear and direct---"You're a nice guy, but unfortunately,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 10:39am

It's only been 2 dates--he might be disappointed but it's not like you have a relationship, so you can either wait to see if he asks you or head him off at the pass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 8:25pm

we waited so long cos i work nights as a restaurant manager and he works days in an office. our schedules didnt match until i left my job 2 weeks ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 9:43pm

I hate this part but it happens frequently!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 7:06pm

I don't think you need to say anything...silence speaks volumes in this case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sun, 07-17-2011 - 2:39pm

This is easy.....just say no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 12:29pm

I can sympathize with curly_girly about her dilemmna. It is difficult because she is not comfortable hurting someone's feelings. I too have the same issue. I think it mostly comes from being on the other side of that hurt too often. Hang in there, while I don't think it will ever get any easier for you, hopefully you will find someone soon and not have to deal with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:03pm

He may well feel the exact same way you do. But if he calls again just tell him how you feel.

@HoneyyDater Come listen to my very random tweets about dating after 40.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 9:04pm

I say something like "Oh, that is so sweet of you to ask me out for a third date but I don't think we're a match.