After the meet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
After the meet
11
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 6:09am

Someone brought up an interesting point in the "ghosting" discussion.

What do you do after the meet if you feel there isn't any potential?

I've never done anything - I don't send out an email. I generally try to get the feel during the meeting and if the other person doesn't seem into it then I just don't think an email is needed.

The only time I've contacted people is if I've wanted to go out again? Am I alone in this process?

BTW, this is another reason I don't think it's wise to get a regular email discussion going - because if you meet and don't connect it's awkward when the emails suddenly stop..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: lg1964
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 2:41pm

>>What do you do after the meet if you feel there isn't any potential?<<

I generally think both parties know if it wasn't a good meeting and that you won't be traveling down that road again.

One guy I did email after the first meet, which was dinner and I couldn't wait to get out of there after he had been so nice in his emails, numerous IM's and then at the tail end of dinner sprung on me that he was a swinger and wanted to recruit me for his club, that he thought I'd really enjoy it! Ewwwwwwww!!!!! So I emailed him as soon as I got home with the thanks for dinner but please don't contact me anymore and I blocke dhim and took him off of my Yahoo Messenger. I knew if I didn't remove him that he'd be bothering me because when I left he was still trying to sway my mind that I'd really enjoy it! I had told him I wasn't the least bit interested!

So that was a learning lesson for me early in my OLD experiences in not IMing with someone so much before the meet. Now I stick to short emails and short IM's if any before meeting. He was very kind, nice, and was very good looking. He had never revealed that side of himself previous to our meets, so it surprised me alot.

But I have emailed guys after a meet where they seemed really into me (and were nice guys), yet I wasn't into them. I guess I emailed them because I did't want them getting their hopes up. So I guess what Nice Guy said was true in that we think of how we would feel if we were hearing that stuff. My emails have been like: Thank you for dinner, I enjoyed our conversation but I really don't feel that we are a good match. Best of luck in your search.

Part of me is always temped to go into details of why we weren't a match, but I wouldn't want to hear those details about myself, so I stop myself from doing that. I guess I try to be blunt but kind.

But LG, you are so right about not emailig, IMing or calling in depth and revealing too many details about yourself before the first meet. I think that's something every newbie has to experience before they learn that lesson of feeling either the letdown, rejection, and/or hurt when a relationship seems to have begun and is dashed at the face to face meeting.

Sunshine

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