"Ageism"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
"Ageism"
11
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:09am

I noticed a quote on another message board. Can't remember exactly what it said, but to make it short, a guy was complaining about the fact that younger women weren't interested in answering his ad because he was too old. Naturally he cried ageism.

However, I notice when I browse online ads that, for example, guys will date women 15 years younger than themselves but will only go up to their own age or a year or so younger as maximum age. Apparently they won't consider dating a woman 15 years older than themselves.

Hmmm... ageist? Pot... kettle... black?

Guys - care to comment?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:38am
One thing I look for is men who choose an age range for potential dates that goes both above and below their own age. For example, a 45 year old man who is seeking women from 40-50. I may be wrong, but I like to think it filters out those who are looking for barbies and includes those who really want a peer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:45am

How about this?

I'm 43. My ex-husband was seven years younger than me; a recent boyfriend three years younger. I don't seek them out younger, it just happens. I've also dated 50 year-olds; most don't have the energy level I'm looking for. But I am open-minded; my profile (when I was online) specified 37 to 50, so of course I got lots of responses from 57 year olds. :-)

I got an e-mail from a speed-dating place and here is how the age brackets were grouped for the event in my area: One session for both genders aged 25-40. Another session for men 47-60 and women 35-45.

Which one would I go to? Amjay & Sherri, I know you can relate to me, here! When did I become invisible?

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:20am

"Invisible" is an interesting word to use. Here in blond-ville Peter Pan west coast, that's what I feel I am at times. 45 seems to be the popular cut-off age for women in my area. Once I hit 46 the choices plunged.

But the ageism only serves to prove what I've always known about myself -- I'm not that great on paper. I really need to be seen to be believed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:37am

The most common argument (excuse) for older men wanting to date younger women is the child thing. They finally decided they want to have children and they have a better chance with a younger woman.

With that 67-year-old woman having a baby recently that excuse doesn't hold much water.

And the other side of that coin is that many younger women are savvy enough to realize that HE won't have the energy to be chasing around a 6-year-old and won't be much use.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:47am

If I see a profile I'm interested in, but he's put an age range that excludes women older than he is, I always look to see if he wants kids (just out of curiosity). I'd say that in at least 60-70% of the cases, he does not. So it's just wanting a younger woman, period.

However, I don't let it stress me too much...if a guy is the type of guy who wants a younger woman for ego purposes, we're not going to be a match anyway!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:48am

I don't believe for one minute that it's about having kids. They just don't like the idea of getting older. They also get to show off to other men: "See what I can get? I'm not past it!"

Puhleese.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:54am

Amjay45 wrote: "I don't believe for one minute that it's about having kids."

No, me neither. It's just an excuse to continue chasing young girls and pretend that they're not middle-aged.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 1:38pm

I'll be brave and comment. :)

First of all, some women do it too. Certainly not as often, but there's women out there who want to date only younger guys.

Most women, though, do it in the opposite direction; they put down they want OLDER guys in their profiles.

In fact, I'd venture to say that most women's profiles indicate that their age range extends further upwards than it does downwards- they'll take a guy up to 7 or 9 years older, but only 3 to 5 years younger.

So sure, this particular guy is being fairly hypocritical, but it's not like it's all that unusual.

Both men and women do it, all the time. It's just people having preferences.

I'm seeing a lot of man-bashing, but why aren't y'all turning that bashing towards your fellow women who encourage the same thing by skewing their age range upwards?

Personally, I just think it's how things are. I'm guilty of it- my age range goes down further than it goes up. It's partially driven by the notion that I might want kids with the right partner, and this IS a valid reason whether you like it or not. A women who is 22 is MUCH more likely to be able to have children than a woman who is 42. (Not that I'd date a 22 year old; too young!)

It's also partially driven by what I'm attracted to- younger women. Why? Beats me; it's just what I prefer. I also prefer pretty woman who are smart, funny, smile a lot, laugh out loud, have medium or long hair, and a slender or athletic build. Why? It's just what I prefer. Does it make me a big creep?

Before anyone is quick to answer, you should ask yourself this: "Do I have any preferences of my own?"

Think about the "wish list" thread, and think about how many people chimed in with things that they desire. Also, think about how many people posted "deal breakers". A deal breaker IS a preference.

We ALL have preferences. Don't kid yourself- we all have them. They might suck when they exclude us, but for anyone to complain too much about it makes is hypocritical as well, IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 1:59pm

"In fact, I'd venture to say that most women's profiles indicate that their age range extends further upwards than it does downwards- they'll take a guy up to 7 or 9 years older, but only 3 to 5 years younger."

I completely agree NGOL---I know that I won't date anyone who's more than a year or so younger than me. Why? Experience has taught me that they don't possess the maturity I'm looking for. Hell, the ones my age are coming in short on that as well, thus when/if I decide to get back into the dating pool, I'd bet I'll be putting the age range as older than me all the way around.

I don't think this makes me a bad person. It makes me a person who's learned from experience/mistakes--and who's smart enough not to continue repeating them. But, as my "out", I'll add, 'never say never'---some youngster may just come along and surprise me!

Michelle

Michelle

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 3:05pm
I don't think you can generalize about that part of it. I know a couple of really nice men who never found anyone to marry and really long to have children -- I have a brother in that category -- and I think it's fair of them to want a partner who still can/will have some childbearing time left. My own biological clock didn't kick in till I was about 37, so I can't fault them for deciding late.

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