Ah, he's online after meeting him IRL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Ah, he's online after meeting him IRL
4
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 6:33pm
Let's say a person went out with a guy with whom she works, had a good time and then about a week and half later he came to her holiday party at her house because he "wanted to stop by." They are friendly at work, but don't see each other now b/c rotations have shifted. They both work A LOT. Say she couldn't figure out why he wasn't asking her out sooner, and then went on match.com and saw that he had a profile there "looking to meet some great people" as he is new to the area. So, she decides to put a profile up, she needs to get out there too! He sees her profile (as in the viewed profile section)...does he think she is no longer interested in him? Because she is! Basically, I (umm, she) don't want contact him if he is not interested, but don't want him to think I am not interested. Does it appear desperate? I'm not a rules-kind of person, but how much truth is there to letting him pursue you if you are both very busy? I am trying to meet others, but this one was very intriguing, in many ways. The chance of just bumping into him right now is pretty low.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 6:45pm

I'm not a rules type of person either, but if you have let him know you're interested then I would lay low. I personally don't like being the pursuer. Also, so what if you have your profile out there? He does too. If you saw he looked at it, I would be playful and email him or something similar... not a big deal at all.


If he's ready to dismiss you because you're online, then he needs to dismiss himself first.


Hope this helps.


Kerry


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 6:56pm

The positive spin is that having your profile up lets him know:

1) you're available
2) you're looking
3) he'd better do something about it if he's interested, because he will soon have competition.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:03am

Sorry, but IMO, it sounds like a classic case of "he's just not that into you". If you've made it clear IRL that you have an interest and he hasn't acted on it other than the original date and the "stop by" at the holiday party, then I think he's probably not all that interested.

If I were you, I would not contact him on the site. He's viewed you and if he'd wanted to contact you, he could have. There is a lot of merit to the letting the guy pursue you. They really do like it and even if guys say they'd like it if a woman would ask them out, in the early stages, it rarely works well.

I learned the HJNTIY bit the hard way once. I was dating a guy pretty steadily for a couple of months (going out 3-4 times a week). We were not exclusive but it seemed we were moving that way. I had a profile on match.com and lo and behold he showed up in my matches list. His headline was something *I* had said to him and he said something about not finding the person he should be with yet. It was very painful to hear but it made me realize that I was more into it than he was.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 1:53pm
I hate to say this, but I would think that if he were interested, he would have asked out already IRL, or he would have contacted you through Match when he saw you.