All These RULES!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
All These RULES!
25
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:46pm

And mind you, not saying we shouldn't have personal guidelines... but all these rules that we all throw around, at times it seems to me we are so focused on the rules and forget about living life.


Let's stop analyzing everything. Let's stop wondering. Let's just start enjoying the flow and seeing where things go. Life is too short for all of this.


Where have our rules gotten us? We have all these rules, but ask yourself: Where have the rules

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Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:49pm

I'm hopping on board and admitting I've been breaking rules left and right lately, but it feels so darned right to me. I'm trying to focus on my feelings and not my fears. I want to jump right into the unknown and ignore any rules.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:50pm
I agree. I am with you.... "f" the rules!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:53pm
And you Miss... LOL. All I gotta say is that nothing should ever keep you away from finding true love. Real love doesn't necessarily occur within 5 miles of our home... Follow me? Good luck girl... BIG HUGS
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:55pm

I'm with you. I'm one who feels you should go with the flow. If there's chemistry there's chemistry. Doesn't matter if it's date 1, 2 or 3 or hour 1, 2, 10.


But what I'm really confused about is this: one poster (well 2) posted about a fantastic first meet. There was chemistry and hope. They conversed for 3 hours. They got ridiculed for spending so much time on that date. "It was a first meeting--shouldnt' be longer than "x" hours....."


But then a poster posted how she got drunk and made out on her first meet. The guy talked about farting. She got replies all consisting of "LMAO" "ROFLMAO" "Oh farting is definitely not a first meet conversation"....all joking. She was even advised to go out on a 2nd date with the guy.


I dont understand the hypocrisy of it. Staying 3 hours and talking and getting to know someone is not good. But getting drunk and making out (hardly any "getting to know" them happening) is good????


Let me clarify--to each is own. To the posters who had great first meets-I'm SO happy for you--you give me hope. To the poster who got drunk-at least you had fun. See? That's going with the flow!


And I have posted here a few times....I'm just not very active in OLD right now. I do read daily though...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:56pm

As your fellow CL will attest, I follow the rules and break the rules on a whim. It's lead me down a path that to be frank; I enjoy. You never know when the love bug will strike. I give most people a chance and let it ride. It still stings when I fail but those brief moments when I feel I succeed it's really nice. But the fact remains: I just don't require a spouse, lover or girlfriend at this time. And I'm 100% positive it will happen when I least expect it.

TT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:59pm
See? That's it right there... the greatest rewards come from the greatest risk... So long as you're willing to accept the consequences, you'll never know what you'll get!
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:11pm

Well, where my guidelines have "gotten me" is to a place where there's a lot less drama and hurt, and I do a lot *less* analysing and wondering than I used to. Like with the guy I went out with a bunch of times over a couple months this spring...I was dismayed and a little puzzled when he disappeared, but a LOT less so than I would have been if I hadn't been taking things slowly (and he has since apologized, and it had nothing to do with me taking things slowly, if that's what anyone is thinking). And I truly think each dating situation and the things I learn from it are getting me that much closer to the loving, healthy relationship I want...I'm not settling for less.

I *am* living life, and going with the flow...but it's MY flow, a "slow flow", shall we say ;-)! I know I've said this before, so pardon me for repeating myself, but if it's the love of a lifetime, you'll have a lifetime to enjoy it, so what's the rush? Yes, of course there are situations where things have worked out where people threw out the rules, so to speak, but in my experience, they are very much the exception and not the rule. If it's meant to be, it'll work out whether you go fast or slow, but if it's not, you'll end up a lot less hurt if you go slow (at least that's been my experience). And it's still a very enjoyable process, even if you go slow. So why take the risk, when it's not really necessary and you don't gain anything by it, is my thinking.

I don't "judge" anyone for what they do (well, so long as it isn't cruel or illegal!), but I do hate to see people get hurt, so that's why I share what I've learned over the years, what has helped me. People are free to take the advice, or leave it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:38pm

I agree with everything you wrote. Everyone has to do what is right for them; we only post based on OUR experiences. There are NO ABSOLUTES when it comes to relationships. Just because you do X, Y and Z doesn't guarantee you'll find the love of your life, no doubt about that!

However, if you find yourself in a pattern, which I was, stop, evaluate and try something dif't - you can only have a different result. If someone is in a situation like mine, I'll share and give feedback.

I too feel I'm in a healthier spot in my life. I don't analzye ever little thing or jump the gun and start fantasizing about my wedding by date three, I mean, we've all done it and it's experience that teaches us "hey, peanut" "get your head out of the clouds woman", ha---it takes time. :-)

I like where I am too; I enjoy the process just as much. Going slower just validates to ME that the people I'm getting to know are serious about the entire peanut package, not just the flavor of the week so-to-speak!

That is what the board is for; if someone is asking for advice we give it and sometimes we share our love stories or great date stories - the woman who went out with fart guy wasn't infatuated with him so we were applauding the fact she wasn't thinking, oh, he's the one. She wasn't that into him and he slowly grew on her - maybe better or maybe not as she gets to know him or not! However, someone who posts they had 3 dates in one weekend and thinks they are so connected, well -- we're just concerned about her (but maybe you're right; just leave the lectures for when they ask specifically for advice, we all tend to be a bunch of mother hens on this board, it's or nature I guess - ducking behind the bed) and gave advice based on that. We hate seeing broken hearts, fart guy, more than likely wouldn't crush our dear sparklepuss, ha!

Cheers,
Ms. Peanut

PS What's really ironic is that I was living in the moment just weeks before posting this (minus my ex BF) and that is when I decided to make the change. I talked to some good friends and decided it's time, lets see what we get. It's hard as I'm almost envious in some regards (I'm a romantic libra after all) but I know for ME it's what I have to do and if I'm meant to be as NWW said I have my entire life, why rush it"..... so those that can ENJOY!!!!

Edited 9/23/2005 10:46 pm ET by small_peanut2005




Edited 9/23/2005 10:48 pm ET by small_peanut2005
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:43pm

But what I'm really confused about is this: one poster (well 2) posted about a fantastic first meet. There was chemistry and hope. They conversed for 3 hours. They got ridiculed for spending so much time on that date. "It was a first meeting--shouldnt' be longer than "x" hours....."


But then a poster posted how she got drunk and made out on her first meet. The guy talked about farting. She got replies all consisting of "LMAO" "ROFLMAO" "Oh farting is definitely not a first meet conversation"....all joking. She was even advised to go out on a 2nd date with the guy.


It's an apples to oranges comparison.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:45pm
ITA!

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