alright need help writing opening msg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
alright need help writing opening msg
12
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 1:19am
OKay I got my pics up on match.com my profile revised, (don't worry its nothing like my myspace profile), did some searching, found a girl I liked, seen that she has viewed my profile too.... now I have to think of something to say in a message! should I do the "wink" thing first... that seems really cheesy lol I think id rather just write a message.... I've been putting it off for a few days and I know i shouldnt wait any longer... soooo any ideas on what to say/not say in a first message?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 3:43am

Good for you!


& *I* personally am not thrilled with "winks". I would WAY rather get a "hello" email.


Say "hello" - talk about stuff in her profile that you noticed (eg: I see you love movies. Its one of my favorite pastimes. Have you seen .... (insert your favorite movie that is NOT a killer movie! lol ... )


Give her a short synopsis of what you're about (preferably not exactly whats in your profile).


& i always end my 1st contacts with something like "If you'd like to take a look my profile & chat more, let me know. Otherwise, best of luck to you!"


Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 7:02pm

Good for you. I hope you have some positive experiences that help to change your outlook.

When I was doing OLD, I always appreciated messages instead of winks. It takes more thought and effort, but do know that the person on the other end is more likely to respond favorably if you put in the extra effort (not always, but those are the risks in OLD). You might point out something about her profile you found intriguing. Ask her a follow up question about it (e.g., if she's a history buff, ask her to recommend a good read). Don't be overly focused on her pictures, but it might be nice to compliment her appearance, but don't go over the top with it. In addition to showing interest in her in a substantive and concrete way, think of some of the connections you two might share and comment on those (e.g., "I'm also a huge ____ fan.") And while most people's objective is to find romance, I liked messages that weren't too eager or forceful. Make an invitation to communicate further and leave the ball in her court--no need to ask for phone numbers or a meeting in a first message.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 7:16pm

I'm with the other posters... show that you read her profile and have interest in her as a person, not her picture. She caught your eye so let her know the things that interest you about her without going overboard, ya know?


And you know we're here if you need us...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 8:53pm
That's great! My advice would be to sound as "average" as possible. Of course, I don't really mean average, but generally when getting to know someone new, less is more. Anything out of the ordinary can spook people. I speak from experience. What I mean is, too much information could scare someone and too little could make them feel you're vague or evasive. Generally, you want to give her enough information that it piques her curiousity and show enough interest but not so much that she thinks "uh oh". Humor doesn't hurt but not everyone has the same sense of humor. It's an interesting thing about how we probably come across because when I've taken those personality tests, they always seem to turn-out how I'm feeling and thinking about myself at the time and the results vary. I've kind of concluded that at best the tests just reflect my feelings at that time. Dating is kind of the same, it's like taking a snapshot of someone. What we're feeling is often communicated sub- and unconsciously. I think that sincerity is your best bet. It's best to just be yourself, I think, as long as you can stay focused on the positive aspects of yourself. Keep your first messages short and sweet and move-on to the telephoning and meeting stages as soon as both seem comfortable, expressing positive feelings about the other. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 5:52am

great she didn't reply, just what i needed to fall back into a deep depression. that's what I get for getting excited about anything.

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 6:54am

How long has it been since you sent the message? Some people only have email access at work, so if it was only over the weekend, she may not have even had the chance to reply.

Why don't you copy the text of the email here so we can give you tips on how to maximize your chance for a reply in the future?

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 8:44am
Ok, it looks to me like you only sent your message to her yesterday, which was a Sunday. Less than a day is NOT enough time to write someone off. I'd say if she hasn't responded within a week, THEN you can assume she wasn't interested. You need to be more patient to do OLD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 11:23am

I would also not put all your hopes in one girl. Online Dating is definitely a numbers game (as is real dating too). My mother used to tell me that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet the handsome prince and it's the same for men too. OLD is like sending invitations to a party--you can send 100 invites and only receive 20 responses and of those, only 10 really show up.


Use that to your advantage. Contact a lot of women who interest you and see what comes of it. Don't let one throw you into a depression. OLD requires a really thick skin as most who are here could tell you...


Hope this helps.


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:14pm
I dunno I know she read it and has been online since then so I don't think she's going to write me back, I usually wait 2 days before I move on, not a week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:31pm

Again, I think it would be wise to contact others. This way you won't get too hopeful in any one person.


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