Am I asking too many questions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Am I asking too many questions?
9
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 1:37pm
I've been chatting with this guy online since first of December. We've met twice for lunch and didn't talk again after the second lunch. He waited a month and then contacted me again saying I didn't hear from him because I wasn't ready to date. I separated in November. We have chatted online, texted, and talked on the phone but haven't seen each other again. This is partly my fault because he called me up on New Years Eve and was in town (his brother lives in the town I live in) and wanted to see me. I told him not until I see where things went with us. That somebody running out on me like he did (no explanation at the time) was a real deal breaker for me. We were chatting last night and I asked his brother's name. He asked if it matter? Am I asking too personal a question since we met online and haven't really been on a date or is he being to secretive?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 8:39pm
Married/attached guys can easily text, chat, and email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 1:13pm
I just think that we chatted/texted too often for him to be married. Yes, I agree that everything sounds suspicious. I've decided to not talk to him anymore since I feel he's not being honest. It really upset me when he made the comment about it not mattering what his brother's name was. It isn't a matter of importance...but a matter of honesty. Thanks for everyone's advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 1:05am

You said you know he’s not married – how do you know?


Over the course of six weeks: 2 lunch dates, a pop-in visit at your job, texting/chatting . . .but no evening or weekend date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:22am
I think I read something out of order. I agree that it does sound strange that he hasn't asked you out on a night time date. That would make me suspicious or at least think that he's the one who doesn't want a relationship. Good luck w/ the other guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:09am

Maybe I'm not following the time line here--you said that you started chatting on 12/1, that you went out for lunch twice (which I would at least consider the 2nd time a date if you consider the 1st time only a "meeting" to see if you liked each other), then he called you on NYE--how is it that he bailed on you for a month? It's only a month from 12/1 to NYE and you went out twice during that month, so it had to be less than that? I can understand not wanting to go out on NYE if he didn't call you before that day, although if I were sitting home alone watching Dick Clark, maybe I would still go. But honestly, are you really ready to date? You only separated in Nov (still not divorced) and you started dating in Dec? That would scare me right away. First of all, I wouldn't date someone who's not divorced unless they have the papers signed & have a court date--I just wouldn't want the drama, but even considering if you have an easy uncontested divorce, everything is agreed on, how are you ready to date the minute your DH is out of the house? Have you had time to get over the loss of your marriage or are you just jumping right into dating so you won't have to think about being alone? Since you didn't ask about that, you don't have to answer my annoyingly personal questions--just something to think about. But I just wonder why the guy said that he thought you weren't ready to date.

P.S. I don't think asking his brother's name is very personal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 9:03am
I have wondered myself about the "living with someone" deal. I know he's not married, don't think he's living with anyone, but he may be involved with someone. I did ask him if there was someone else and also asked someone that lives in the same town if they knew him. They didn't know him so were not able to answer any of my questions. I did stop chatting with him and have kept my options open. I have a date for tomorrow night and will tell him so if I hear from him and he asks what I did for the weekend. I get the feeling he wants everything his way and at his convenience. Exactly why I didn't go for the last minute New Years Eve drop in. I have no problem with compromise but am not going down the road of another one sided relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:51pm

Sorry, now that I read your post again I understand about the NYE thing. . .just wanted to drop by your office.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:55pm
He didn't ask me out for New Years. He happened to be in town and only wanted to drop by my office just to see me for a minute. He was in town picking up his son. He also hasn't ever asked me out on an actual night/weekend date. I'm not wanting a chat/text buddy but an actual date. I just thought it odd that he wouldn't provide me with that information when we have met face to face twice. It isn't a matter of having to know details about his family either. It's about the fact that he seems hesitant to give it out when we have talked as long as we have. He should know I have no ill intentions. I didn't bother him when he stopped communicating with me in the past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:46pm

I don’t quite understand – you’ve met in person, been out to lunch twice.