Am I being too picky about dating a cop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Am I being too picky about dating a cop?
7
Fri, 11-29-2013 - 8:18pm

He is a policeman and works the graveyard shift and weekends.  I have an office 9-5 job.  Do I even bother spending time getting to know him?  Ugh....  I know I am thinking too far ahead, but what's going to happen when we possibly move in together and he sleeps all day Saturday and Sunday?  The weekends are the time when I'm home and like to clean while listening to music.  How can I play music with a guy sleeping? Double ugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 8:16pm

not sure if my reply went through?  turns out we spoke on the phone and he has a high-pitched annoying voice :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 8:10pm

thank you everyone. I had not thought of the things you brought up. No, I did not meet him, but he did call me and we spoke.  He told me that he gets to pick his shift for a whole year (or something like that), so starting in January he will work during the day (but on weekends too).  How can we go shopping together or go to the beach together or have "daytime dates"?  However,  I decided he has a high pitched annoying voice...  that's crazy, I know....  but it's true - that is something that would bother me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 4:03pm

So, did you go out with him?

Agreed with the others. The schedule shouldn't be a deterrant. I work lots of hours too but I don't have to. If I have a family and kids, I can certainly work less.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Sat, 11-30-2013 - 7:50pm

Yeah, you are getting way ahead of things. If he seems like somebody you would like then get to know him. Ask him why he works that schedule. As a single guy he may take that shift because it pays more and the cops with families want the other shifts, or maybe its due to seniority. The only way you'll know if he could have hours more compatible with yours is to ask.

Personally, I'd be more concerned about finding out how he is regarding other things. Does he have a desk job or is he in dangerous situations sometimes or a lot? How has he been affected by the violent or tragic or senseless things he's probably seen? I knew a cop who had been a first responder to a fatal plane crash. He had PTSD from it and by the time I met him he had a drinking problem and a couple of failed marriages. There are certain occupational hazards in that line of work, so you need to know what you're getting in to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 11-30-2013 - 12:21pm

When I was first married, my DH worked overnights and I worked days--the good thing is that we did have from 6-11 or so every night to spend time together.  He also worked Fri. night but not Sat night--so Sat am he would come home & sleep for about 1/2 day but not 7 or 8 hours cause then he wanted to be able to sleep at night Sat & Sun, so we were able to spend time together on the weekends.  Now I would not date someone who worked the whole weekend since that wouldn't leave any time to be together--does he work both nights?  What you also have to remember is that it's not like his schedule will be like this for the rest of his career--it will always be a variable thing and police officers will also always have to work weekends & holidays becuase it's that type of job.  Like my DD, a nurse, works 12 hour shifts--sometimes days, sometimes nights, sometimes weekends, holidays, etc.  But then also she might have 4 days off in a row & not have to use any vacation time too.  I think there are bigger things to worry about when dating a cop--could you deal with having your loved one in dangerous situations sometimes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 11-29-2013 - 11:31pm

If you think he's a waste of your time,and you obviously do....... then do him a favor and don't bother with him.  I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who would accomodate his hours as long as he's a decent man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Fri, 11-29-2013 - 8:19pm

I mean the time I spend getting to know him I could be getting to know someone else with a daytime job....  has anyone ever thought this far ahead?  thanks in advance