Am I being too sensitive

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Am I being too sensitive
10
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:33pm

I've exchanged two or three extremely brief e-mails with this guy on LL. Nothing much at all. Then today I got this message. Personally I find it a total turn off when a guy I haven't even met feels the need to tell me how passionate and physical he is. He has also mentioned in two of three short e-mails that he will press to meet. I have no problem with meeting someone shortly after chatting but I don't like being pressured. It sends up a red flag regarding control issues.

So, the message is below. Am I being overly critical or is this out of line for someone I've barely corresponded with.

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I am going to tell you a little about myself. I have been separated/divorced for two years. I am very close to my daughters and have always been the primary caregiver. But my ex is also very important caregiver in their lives. My daughters are also talented and intelligent and beautiful.

I have this vision of my next relationship filled with passion and hunger. Yes, of course, sexual desires, but that is only a small piece of this vision. Passion to me is more than the physical aspects (although I am a lusty male after all - lol). I want to want and be wanted emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. I want to be able to provide positive support and receive positive support. I want to build esteem and not destroy it. And, just as important, I need to see this passion in your eyes too. I want to help each other through the rest of our lives. Yes, I am a romantic.

My vision of that perfect day off into the future would be located in sunny, hot somewhereelse playing a game of golf, then cuddling up on a hammock talking about anything, everything or maybe nothing, then off to tour the countryside, a supper in a nice quaint restaurant teasing each other in so many different emotional planes, walking down a beach watching a sunset and holding hands. Can you see that as a possibility?

Do I expect all this in the beginning??? Not at all. The beginning is an exploration of minds and personalities. I don't have any expectations or limitations. I believe that the right relationship will evolve naturally in its own timeframe

So are you interested in meeting? I am not an email fan. We can learn so much about each other in person through one glass of wine or coffee then through a 100 emails.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:37pm
I dunno, shoot me if I'm wrong but I see a guy who just wants to cut through the chase which is nothing bad...He's not pressuring, he's just saying let's get together now. So, why not?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 11:21pm

Blech...gag me ;-).

I would be totally turned off by this email although it sounds like for different reasons than you would be!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:28am
ICK. I didnt even get thru the 2nd paragraph ... to me its his "rote" emial he sends to everyone, & the whole content TOTALLY would turn me off.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 7:25am
Thanks ladies. I erased part of my opening message so I wouldn't influence any responders. I am totally turned off by guys that start talking about how passionate and lusty they are and how they want a partner that matches. All that does is tell me they have been in one or more relationship where their partner lost her attraction to him and then I think it was either because of his behavior or he was just not too interesting. Either way, not good news.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:13am

For me I suggest a phone call first before I want to meet someone. However I can understand wanting to meet if the communication flows.

Pressured? All I read is him saying he is ASKING for a meeting, expressing his preferences (not an email fan), and him having no expectations.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:24pm

BARFFFF!!!

Guys who talk about being "lusty" and all that in the first few emails automatically get deleted in my book.

And maybe I'm being harsh but to me he sounds like the kind of guy who *thinks* he knows what to say to the women to get them into bed (you know, walks on the beach, sunset, yadda, yadda, yadda). It makes me want to yak.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:20pm
I agree with the other posters this email is way too la la landish and too upfront before even meeting in person. Sounds fake and not genuine and definately agree that it's a huge red flag if a guy talks about his sex drive before you even meet up. As far as wanting to meet instead of emailing I think that's a valid want but personally I like to talk on the phone first. If this guy's head wasn't in outer space somewhere then I would suggest talking on the phone first for a bit before meeting but it just all sounds too strange to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:31pm

Sounds scary - that's all I have to say!!!

I'm sure there's someone more genuine, realistic and kind out there for you. :)

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:15pm
Yuck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:25pm

I replied to his message today. I said that getting a message using hunger, lust, intimacy and sexual desire, and a few others in a single message to someone you've never met is a bit unnerving. I wished him luck and bowed out.

Thanks very much for the feedback. I sometimes wonder if I'm being too picky and know that sometimes intent is lost without the tone and inflection so it was very helpful to get other opinions.