Am I giving up too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Am I giving up too soon?
7
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:16pm

I've been on YP about a month and just hid myself. I am very disappointed in the OLD scene and feel like giving up. For one, I don't have a thick skin. What is this with emailing a guy and then just having them disappear? Is this social behavior that I am supposed to get used to? I think it stinks. Second, I have been contacted by 10 men. Only the one who disappeared on me was worth my time. The rest I had no desire to contact. This is so discouraging.

I am shy and it is just not in my nature to go out and start pursuing them. I feel like giving up, Does everyone feel this way who does this long enough? I married late in life at 35 and had enough of dating by then. I am not looking for experiences to boost my ego or social opportunities. I have many friends that I enjoy going out with. I am just looking for one and I sometimes wonder if 'the one' would really be found in a place like an OLD site.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 5:25pm
Im sorry you are feeling so down. But youre right, until you are ready to deal with a LOT of rejection & have a thicker skin, maybe OLD is not for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 8:52pm

Yes we all experience those feelings from time to time. I myself have come off a dating hiatus and started OLD again. I do have a thick skin but it does become frustrating. I too have a fulfilling life, friends, travel, etc. and never thought it would be difficult to find an individual who would be interested in building a friendship and possibly more. OLD is just another option, although I get the majority (if any) of my dates from OLD versus real life. At times it is necessary to take a break from OLD so you don't project your attitude onto others. I'm still very critical and basically my expectation is nil! Stay hopeful and positive; keep enjoying your life, take your breaks from OLD, and who knows in time you may eventually meet that special person. If not, that's cool too, but enjoy the process and take breaks when necessary.

Hope this helps!! You are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:25am
I too got married late in life (37). Unfortunately my husband was not into fidelity. I use the OLD as entertainment and perhaps a date, but not serious. I'm sorry I can not be more optimistic. If you are religious perhaps you could join a church group, studious, go back to school, or if you are like me, get a cat and enjoy the company.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 10:25am

You are definitely not alone.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 9:24pm

Hello t9t9. I hear your frustration, and I would like to suggest a couple of things. YP is a dating "community" like many of the other dating sites out there. These types of sites are wonderful for people who want that community aspect. These sites cater to folks that enjoy searching through profile after profile, chatting in chat rooms and emailing many prospects for the fun of it. A site like YP is great for connecting with a multitude of others looking for the same thing; a place to connect, chat and have fun online.

I don't think this is what you are looking for based on your post. What you should most likely try, is a matchmaking site. These differ from sites like YP in that they aren't about community experiences, they are about seriously finding a mate who is compatible with you. You won't be searching through profiles on a matchmaking site, you will instead fill out a very detailed profile. Then the site will take that profile and match it with profiles you are compatible with. They will then email you a list of possible matches for you to look at anonymously, without contacting the match unless you want to.

I think this may be better for you to try. The questionnaire you will fill out is very detailed and the list you will make of the qualifications for a match are even more in-depth. I am not sure if it is ok to post links here, so if you are interested in checking out a matchmaking site, I just reviewed one on my site. You can click on my user-name above to get to my profile where you will see a link to my site. Feel free to email me from my site as well if you have any questions.

I hope this helps. I know you are frustrated, but please don't give up. I met my husband online 6 years ago, and it is still as wonderful now as it was then. I wish you luck in finding the right guy for you! - Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 11:25pm
Yes, you are giving up too soon. It is not a fault to be shy. I assume you are just fine once you get to know someone. You don't need a thick skin to try OLD. If you are emailing someone and he disappears, you can assume he is not really interested. Why is this a reflection on you personally? Some people have the idea that being online gives them license to be rude. They won't all be like that. If you are the one initializing the contact than it feels more like rejection. I have never once contacted any of the guys I've dated first. I let them find me and you should too. Make sure, and I have said this before, that your profile is a stand out one. Great picture, personality, etc. If even once in your profile you mention finding "the one" or "soul mate", you scare off half of the guys who might otherwise contact you. Sure they may be looking for the same thing. But, they want it to be their idea. Tell them you are looking for "friendship and romance" or a "Sunday football buddy". Tell them you love to cook (if you do). All these things sound safe and appealing to most men. And, you have to give it at least 6 months. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 11:18am

You said:


<<You don't need a thick skin to try OLD. If you are emailing someone and he disappears, you can assume he is not really interested. Why is this a reflection on you personally? >>


Holy cow, are you serious??

heather 5-18-10