Am I the only one who does this?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Am I the only one who does this?
26
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:09pm

Having done OLD now on and off for (gasp) six years or so, I have learned that the only way for ME to stay sane while doing it is to have NO expectations about anything. So I've trained myself to send off emails and leave voicemails and not have any expectations that someone is going to get back to me. If they do, great; if they don't, oh well, we're obviously not right for each other. If I think about it at all, it'll just be to think something like, "hmm, it's been a couple days since I called that guy. Oh well. Too bad, he seemed promising" and then go on with my day.

Based on today's threads, it sounds like I'm the odd person out in taking this approach, however. I'm just curious if anyone else does this, or if I'm just strange ;-).

Now if someone *says* he will call or email at a certain time, that's a different story (I am a stickler for holding people to their word and will definitely downgrade or even ding a prospect if he doesn't follow through).

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:11pm

I'm with you...I hold very little or no expectations, not just for OLD, but for dating in general. If I send a message, I put it out of my mind, if I respond to someone, I just let it go----I just don't see any reason to expect something of someone I haven't even met yet.

Hope--I certainly have that, but expectations are a different game altogether.

Michelle

Michelle

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:14pm
I think your approach is the healthy one here.
I ve been trying OLD for few weeks now only and it seems there is a lot of Ghosting, misrepresentations and distrust in there so having no expectations is the best way to go if you want to keep you self-esteem intact
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:19pm

Ok...I was confused by your 3 day reply in the other thread, then.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:59pm
I've been doing this for about 7 months and I've definitely developed Low Expectations Syndrome. It's just easier and a way of protecting yourself. You grow up fast in the OLD world and when I think of how hopeful and naive ("ghost? what's that?") I was, I cringe.
And I'm with Michelle re having low expectations re dating in general. Again, it's self-protection. My poor heart has been battered about the last couple years :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:01pm

That's after we've met...I give it three days for them to get back to me before I consider them ghosts.

Michelle

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:06pm

I hope for the best but expect the worst. If the worst is not getting a date

 

 

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:22pm

Ah, ok. See, I don't even have expectations after we've met...at least not for the first couple of dates.

I consider them ghosts from the moment we say our goodbyes and walk away...unless they show me otherwise ;-).

Sheri

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:54pm

Sheri, I think you have one of the healthiest & realistic approaches around here.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 6:07pm

Thanks PM, I appreciate the kind feedback! It's taken a while to get to this point and I can see how it could look cynical and negative. But it's really just self-preservation, and realistic.

Now, if only I could carry that same rational attitude over INTO a r'ship once it starts, I'd be doing great ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 1:59pm

I never have any expectaions past the two or three phone calls. I always have a pair and a spare...meaing that although I am dating, I am also talking to at least two other people. But.....I have found that the guys I meet come on really strong prior to the date. Not just once or twice..but several times. Typically I don't have that much of an itnerest in them...so I let them go. However, there are times when I do click initailly and it carries over into that later phone calls. Then when things don't go well on the first date....I am sort of feeling burned. Am I the only one who experiences this phenomenon?

Jodie

 

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