Am I overreacting?

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Am I overreacting?
8
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 10:15am

I started exchanging emails with this man online and after about two weeks we decided to meet in person.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 10:32am

Personally, I would let it go and not say or do anything about it. I would, however, let him do more of the "calling" just to be sure if he is "into you". I'm sure that he will get right back on track if it was "nothing", but if you get more "call ya back" comments or other feelings of distance, you will figure it out quickly.

I hope things keep going well for you though!

Avatar for iamdelightful
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 10:51am
You might ask him what happened in a light way. You could say, Hey, I thought you were going to call me in 15 minutes, why didn't you? or something like that. Or maybe I missed hearing back from you last night would be better. Maybe he got involved doing something and lost track of time ... You never know what might have been going on for him. On the other hand, this could be the beginning of a pattern. Maybe you've seen each other too much and he's going to start pulling back ... The next 3 or 4 weeks will tell. Hang in there and keep your eyes open. And by all means, if something upsets you tell him about it. A good relationship requires communication.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 12:36pm

I personally think you are reading way too much into it. Things happen. Guys tend to overestimate time.

By turning your phone off and not taking his call was great. If he calls you after you have gone to bed, continue to not take his calls. He will get the answer. You will also appear much more attractive.

Best of Luck!

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 3:52pm
Definitely overreacting - at least he called back and it really isn't fair to read to much into it at this point. Hope everything works out for you.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 4:26pm
WAY overreacting! Maybe he lost track of time. Maybe whatever he had to do took a lot longer than he thought. You have no idea what happened or why he took so long to call back. Until you do, this is not a matter of "keeping to his word". I think the suggestion of asking him what happened IN A LIGHT MANNER is a good one. But don't be accusatory or spiteful about it. Just simply say that you wondered what happened but went to bed before he called back since you thought he was calling back shortly. He might apologize, he might think it is no big deal. Guys are like that pretty often - they don't realize how important something is to you unless you communicate it. Right now he is probably still thinking he is in good graces because even though he didn't call back in 15 minutes, he called back. Meanwhile, you are fuming because he called back 45 minutes later than he said! Good grief - that is a high standard to live up to if you are going to make him be perfect ALL the time!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 5:08pm

While I agree with the "light" approach for a 1st time offense ;-), I disagree that asking someone to be true to his word is asking him to be "perfect". If I don't do something I say I'm going to do, I *at least* acknowledge that and apologize to the person! Maybe that's a high standard, but being a person of my word--doing what I say I'm going to do, *when* I say I'm going to do it--is important to me, and I expect the same in a partner. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect keeping your word consistently. Not every *single* time, but certainly most times, and an apology is definitely in order if you don't.

To the OP...I would let it slide THIS time, but say something as has been suggested. If it keeps happening, only you can decide how important it is to you that he keep his word about things like this. Some people would consider this small...I think that if you can't keep your word about small things, that says something about your ability to keep it with respect to big things.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 5:16pm

I guess I should have clarified. I agree with you Sheri. But right now, he probably doesn't know he's done anything wrong. He said he'd call in 15 minutes and it was 60. I think she lightly calls him on it - if he STILL doesn't get it and still doesn't apologize, that is something to keep in mind and see if it is a pattern of thoughtless behavior. If he apologizes and explains, - sure, see if it happens again and he is continually apologizing for messing up, but to freak out because he didn't call back exactly when he said? A SLIGHT overraction.

Besides, maybe he doesn't like talking to voice mails. I know I hate it and am horrible at it! I tend to babble on and say all kinds of crap. Maybe he just left the message knowing that they would talk later and he could apologize then.

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Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 6:04pm

The last guy I was involved with (met him on YAHOO Personals) had a very bad habit of saying he'd call at a certain time and then not calling or calling two or three hours later. At first I didn't say anything because I thought it was no big deal. But over time it really began to annoy the heck out of me because I felt like I couldn't trust that he would do what he said he would do. If he said he would call at 1, I'd be waiting for him. I told him it bothered me and suggested that rather than saying that, that he should just not say he was going to call. My suggestion annoyed him and he took it to mean that he just couldn't give me what I needed and this was one of the issues that made me realize, despite the fact that he referred to himself as "one of the good guys" on his profile, that he just wasn't.

I hope this isn't the case in your situation. I hope it's just an isolated incident, but I do think you should speak up because if you don't he'll think it's no big deal and he may do it again.