am i rushing or is he fishy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
am i rushing or is he fishy??
11
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 3:57pm

hi. i met this guy online about 2 weeks ago and we hit it off. we found so many similarities within us and we had amazing conversation for 4 hours that night. we discussed what our online dating etiquette is regarding timelines for talking on the phone, seeing each other etc and we agreed to be friends 1st. well, it's a bit hard being frinds when your interested in the person so soon. over the week, we talked a bit more and it was nice. sometimes i wasn't online and he would text my cell asking where i was and how he kinda missed me. we would call each other sweety, hun, babe, cutie, sexy etc.. when we spoke online. i feel like i've been talking to him for about 2 months even though it's been 2 weeks. the week later, we were both busy with school but we didn't speak to each other for about 2 days and i got worried. he feels that we shouldn't call each other yet even though we have each other's phone numbers. he feels we need to take things slow and i agree but sometimes i feel that he may not be interested anymore especially when he's not online to talk or that he may be dragging me along for some crazy ride. when i'm not online, he msgs me and tells me he was online but didn't see me and wanted to talk to me so then i go online all day the next day and he's never around. i go to school mon-thurs full time and he's only there tues and thurs so when i go online tues or thurs night, he's never on. when i go on mon, wed or fri, he's never on. i can't seem to find him. school is busy about now because exams are coming up but i don't know how busy it could be

i just wanted to know if i'm rushing things or becoming paranoid and i need to relax or if something odd is up with him and this situation. we both think we have what each other is looking for in a relationship and we like each other pics. we know that all will tell when we go on our 1st official date but until then, we feel that if we take it slow, we shouldn't be disappointed on the date or after and things could only get better. at this rate though, i won't see him until sept and won't talk to him on the phone until may

what should i do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 4:03pm

Sounds like way too much too fast. Some people are thrill-junkies. They get into this heady intense fake rleationship very early via email or phone. The thrill usually wears off and then they have to find someone else to fixate on. I usually think it's a bad idea to spend too much time talking early on. Pace things.

With that being said, let him do the pursuing but don't wait around for him. Get on with your life and don't worry about him. Easier said than done but if you don't, you'll make yourself crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 4:07pm
meet him in a safe, public, well-lit place. A coffee house works best. Until then don't keep messaging him. If he won't meet move along.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 4:21pm

Two thoughts:

Nothing is real until you meet in person.

It sounds like he's losing or lost interest.

I would move on if I were you...if you end up meeting, great, but don't hold your breath. Why can't you meet until September, btw?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 4:24pm

I hate to tell you this but 9 times out of 10, things do NOT get better when you first meet if you spend tons of time talking and getting to know each other before meeting. Instead, what usually happens is you get all these unrealistic expectations of the person and the relationship (much like the two of you are doing - pet names before you meet are a red flag and acting like this is a relationship before you meet is not a good thing) and when you finally do meet, it is impossible for either of you to live up to this pedastal you have put them on.

The not talking on the phone thing is odd. Talking on the phone is a slightly better way to get to know someone than email and IM. In the online talk, the person can put on any persona they want - I'm not saying he isn't who he says he is, but you don't know anything about him other than what he lets you see at this point. Not good.

Talk on the phone ASAP and set up a time to meet. If he is unwilling to do these things, I would be very suspicious and think that he might have a girlfriend or some issues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 4:45pm
He wants to "take things slow" so he won't chat on the phone?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 6:06pm

Hi,

"Is it chicken or is it tuna? " Hmmmm..it seems a bit fish-based to me. Why is he making up all of these 'rules'? How come you keep "just missing" him?

I agree with the others here. No reason Not to meet asap and surely NO reason not to talk to each other, if you have phones and can. Take it to the Real. I am wondering if, among the other "maybes" listed here, he is not big into control?

Definitely say you would like to talk on the phone and meet. if he balks, you walk.

Roll on,Little Rock!

truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 11:55pm
now i'm not too sure about this guy which is very disapointing. how do i break it to him that i would like us to speak on the phone and meet ASAP without him saying that i'm rushing things? i e-mailed him twice (without really realizing that we've only been talking for 2 weeks) and told him that i would like to talk on the phone and that the internet isn't really reliable for example, suppose my internet was down? the conversations would have to wait. he thinks i'm rushing things too fast but i think it's only the bloody phone. now i know i would like to meet him like the person who posted said, no point in making a factitious person only to be disppointed if he isn't who i think he is. just get it over with in the beginning so no worries would be caused later. for hat to happen, i need to talk to him on te phone soon. how do i suggest that without him thinking i'm some creep needing something NOW?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 12:18am

Hi Hjazz,

In all my 48 years, I have never heard of a case where someone would think you are "needy" because you want to talk after TWO weeks of communicating by mail! I would be Very interested to see what the group here thinks, on the issue of that being a case of "rushing" things, but, personally, I think it is DUE TIME that you did speak now and make plans to meet, asap.

I guess my big question for him would be: "Why Not?". It seems as though You see that this is reasonable; don't let Him govern what you want or think, as you are afraid of 'losing' him. You cannot lose what you Don't have, sweetie. I am not saying that to be ugly, I am saying that so that I hope you will see the reality of this situation--what Truly Is and is NOT.

No need to agonize..just say "I would like to talk to you, when is the bets time for me to call you?" If he says no, send a simple "why not?"...at that, he might vaporize--but, with allcases like this, better you know Now, before you invest any more of your precious time in this.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 10:03am

No you are not rushing things. Yes he is definitely fishy.

You met online to meet, full stop. Experience says that if someone is reluctant to meet it's not for good reasons.

I know you like him, but you must be very careful. You really should move on.

Good luck, and keep us posted on developments.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 12:18pm

You are most definitely not rushing things by just moving it to the phone. In fact, it is not rushing things to meet by this time. You are not being needy by asking to talk on the phone and if he thinks that, he is not worth your time! If he has already balked at your initial suggestions (which were great by the way) that the Internet is unreliable then I really think he has something going on like a wife, girlfriend, on and off girlfriend, something.

I know you like him, but it is time to fish or cut bait. Tell him that you really don't feel comfortable moving things forward without talking on the phone and meeting soon. Taking things slow is one thing, but this is not slow, this is going backwards. Sorry, I know this sucks but the reason you go on OLD sites it to MEET people.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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