Am I Too Cynical??
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| Thu, 02-23-2006 - 4:17pm |
I appreciate all the responses to my “pet name” post. In the past, I’ve tried to say things nicely or outright (depending on my mood and level of irritation) but the end result is the guy usually doesn’t bother talking to me anymore and/or feels as if I got too many issues.
I’ve been getting quite a bit of hits lately w/men – probably since I’m on about 3 sites so I’m very busy chatting and meeting men. Have I met any man that I would consider going on a 2nd date with? NOPE!!! Okay, there was one, but guest what he GHOSTED!! That is one of about 20 guys I’ve either chatted with or met and even him it’s not like I felt like WOW!!!!
Well there have been plenty guys that I have basically told them that I was “uncomfortable” with their current situation or I didn’t feel we were a match. In every instance where I have had to say that, most of the guys have wanted to debate me on the topic. Some of the issues are as follows:
* living in a half-way house (recently did Federal time)
* seeking employment/unemployed
* 3+ children; youngest being an infant
* contacts me after 2 weeks of no contact
* calls after 10:30 pm; or as early as 6:00 AM (WTF?)
* we are talking on the phone; but chooses email when dates have been planned and he needs to cancel (of course, I’m stood up and he doesn’t answer the call when I’m calling to see if anything happened)
* presently lives out of state so seeking temporary LDR until he decides if he will move to my current location
* too short (and lied)
* I asked all the questions and they NEVER ask any (one-liner emails)
* no chemistry
Most of the guys above, I NEVER met (why bother?) but ALL have told me (either nicely or blatantly) that I have issues meaning I’m too cynical; or I’m not open to having a serious relationship or love because I have too many guidelines or restrictions and/or bitter or cynical.
Okay I talked to my female friends and they say I’m being too cynical! Geez! A guy calling you “sweetie” is cute, what’s the big deal.
So my question is, during this necessary evil called “dating” are we suppose to just bat out eyes, act excited when they call or see us, allow them to call you “sweetie”, accept their impecfections or prior flaws/mishaps (as noted above) but inretrospect, look toward their actual potential?
Appreciate your honest input! My friends think I’m too cynical – maybe I am!!! I’m thinking I’m dating too much! LOL
Edited 2/23/2006 4:18 pm ET by tstephnic

I think you're
I don't think you're too cynical at all...those all sound like unacceptable things to me.
I wouldn't bother engaging these guys in a discussion at all...I don't think there's any reason to tell them WHY you're not interested.
Sheri
I would have had the same issues except for too short(but I would've nexted for lying). You are not cynical for any of those. The cutesie names...I'm not sure. I haven't been able to get comfortable with anyone yet, and some have told me I have issues, not ready, etc. I just have high expectations, and would rather be single than settle. Stick to your guns. You are the only one who knows what feels right to you.
E
I wonder who would want to date the losers you mentioned. Unless it is a loser like them!
Dont get discouraged though with online dating you will have to meet 15-20 before you find one who is interesting and he is usually a 7-8 not a 10!
10's are never on dating sites! kuz men can take the initiative in approaching women so it is easier for the super good ones to find a GF in real life.
Those would all be dealbreakers for me, too!
You're not cynical - you have standards.
Hi Steph,
No...you are not being too cynical. Those would all definitely be deal breakers for me too. You just stick to your guns, keep a sense of humor about it all, keep dating and one of these days it'll pay off.
I've been on a dating hiatus for a couple of months now, but my sister used to accuse me of being too judgemental when I'd share some of my doubts about the guys I dated. This coming from a woman who's deal-breakers are 1. Must be employed. 2. Must have his own transportation/valid drivers licence and 3. No warrants. That's it;-P
No worries. It's all good.
Michele
We all come from different places in life, but really, who has time to spend with any of the guys on your list? I don't see this as an issue of cynical at all but then again, all my girlfriends say I'm "too picky". But what in the world does that mean? I am incredibly lucky in pretty much every area of my life. What I don't have is a man to share it with which I would like. But I'm not willing to cut into the good part of my life for something I can see straightaway isn't going to work *see your original list*
I felt more lonely in a marriage that wasn't working than I felt being single.
Single lonley is "Gee, wouldn't it be fun to experience X with someone"
Married lonely is "OMG, what have I done?"