Am I wasting my time?
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| Wed, 02-09-2005 - 2:08pm |
I met this guy online at the beginning of December. We spoke a few times online then talked over the phone a few times. About a week later we met up at a local club and had a great time, we had both been drinking and got a little friendly on the dance floor. We hung out the whole night and he kissed me goodbye when my friends and I left. He called the the next night and we've been hanging out ever since, about twice a week.
The problem is, he's British and he's here on a work visa that expires in August. When I first started hanging out with him we had a conversation at one point where he said he was looking for the "one" but didn't want to get married for a few years. He also talked that he may get a Lawyer to help him extend his visa or help him look into it. Well lately he's been saying 'when i go back home in august' etc.
We've had a great time together, we've gone on lots of dates. Just a couple weeks ago he took me to a really nice Italian restaurant, 3 course meal, bottle of wine, etc. We laugh constantly together and we have some things in common. We have slept together. I asked him about when he was tested last for STDs and he said when he came to America and he has had one serious relationship since then, which ended a year ago. So I asked "Does that mean you haven't slept with anyone in a year?" And he said yes. At another time he said he doesn't sleep with people very quickly and I said the same, but yet we did. He said he has dated women since his breakup, just hasn't slept with them.
He still checks his profile every day or every couple of days though. I guess I can't really say anything because I do as well.
We both call each other every couple of days and email at work everyday. HIs friends came in from England a week ago and he wanted me to meet them, I wasn't going to go but he practically insisted that I come. We had a great time and they were really cool people. They went to Mardi Gras this past weekend and he actually called me from there to tell me about how much fun they were having and asked how I was feeling. I've had some medical problems lately that I just told him about. I was very shocked to hear from him. I figured I wouldn't talk to him much while his friends were in town, they havent' seen each other in a long time and I didn't want to bother him while they are here.
My thing is, I'm looking for a serious relationship and to settle down soon. I'm thinking of having a talk with him and truley find out if he's moving back home, because if he is planning on it, I don't plan on dating him any longer. I don't want to date him till the end of summer and end up getting my heart broken when he leaves for England. I've gone through a lot of hurt in my past and I guess I sorta want to protect myself again. But at the same time, I love hanging out with him. We have so much fun together. I've never met a guy who can make me laugh and feel as comfortable as he does. I have a constant smile on my face when I'm around him.
I guess I"m just worried that we want different things in life overall. Do you think I should end this before I get in deeper than I already am? Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!

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Thanks everyone for your responses on this matter. I have gotten different opinions from friends and family, just like I have on this board, and it's tough. But ultimately I know that I'M looking for something more meaningful and lasting. I've decided to talk with him the next time we get together and just ask him what his plans are come August, if he really is moving back. If he says yes, then I know what to do. If he's not sure, I may voice my concern about continuing the relationship. I've wasted a lot of years on guys that are not right for me and always have some kind of baggage, so I'm not going to continue to date him if he does plan on leaving in August. It's months that I could have been moving on with someone else.
He has never said anything about wanting a green card or anything of the sorts. But I know to keep an eye out for that. I'm not one to run and get married on a whim, so if he thinks he's suckering me into something, he picked the wrong woman!
Be careful and manage your expectations. If you can be with him, enjoy yourself without getting attached then do it otherwise end your relationship with him.
I kind of feel from what you said that he is not looking for a long-term relationship.
If he is moving back to Europe never ever stay in an undefined relationship and long distance on top of that.
If you can control your emotions, stay with him until August and then decide if you can make your relationship official. If not forget about him there and then.
I ve been through this,a long distance vaguely defined relationship and it was awfull at the end. Kuz it is soooooo unworth it to put so much energy for someone soooo distant physically and emotionally!
>>I'm thinking of having a talk with him and truley find out if he's moving back home, because if he is planning on it, I don't plan on dating him any longer.<<
If you don't feel strongly enough about him that you would drop your life, pick up and move to England, just so you can be with him, then yes, you're wasting your time.
You're already saying you're not going over there. Why would you then put the same expectation back on him and essentially demand that he stay here?
If you were really, really, really into him, you wouldn't even be asking the question about whether or not you're wasting your time. You'd simply know that no matter what, you would be with him or he would be with you, period.
Break up with him now and move on, is my advice.
>>You're already saying you're not going over there. Why would you then put the same expectation back on him and essentially demand that he stay here?
If you were really, really, really into him, you wouldn't even be asking the question about whether or not you're wasting your time. You'd simply know that no matter what, you would be with him or he would be with you, period.<<
I never said that I DEMANDED him to stay here, have I? I want to know his intentions, what's so wrong about that? If his future involves going back home, then so be it, but I think I have a right to know. I've only been dating this guy 2 months. I don't fall for guys easily like others and think "Oh I'm so in love." And of course I'm not planning on moving there! Why would I think about moving to another country for someone I've only known for a short time! Now, if I were dating him longer, it may or may not cross my mind. But after 2 months?! If I'm thinking about moving to the UK for him after this amount a time, I have some serious problems! Sorry, my relationships don't move that fast.
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