am I wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
am I wrong?
17
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:56am

Well, here it goes. I and Mr. Hot are both stuck in the Midwest. I am of European background, he is from California. Two souls of the same sort in the wrong place. I have to stay here because I want for my son to be close to his father. Mr. Hot doesn’t make it a secret that he wants to go back to CA. Knowing that and the fact that he is magically hot I slept with him after the 2nd date because I figured well at least I will have some fun while it last and try not to get emotionally attached while keeping my options open. If things go in more serious direction – I would love that but knowing the facts as they are – I will spent some good old fun time with him. Am I wrong? This is something new to me because in the past I would always view every relationship as a potential for something more serious.
Also if the guy kisses you while you asleep (not in a booty kind of way) and hold your hand that makes me kind of think that he is for real. Hm..

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:19am

No, you're not "wrong"...but personally I couldn't do what you're doing because I get emotionally attached to men I'm sleeping with, even if they are all wrong for me! So I'd be playing with fire in your situation.

If you can do it, more power to you, but I think it's pretty rare for women to be able to do remain emotionally detached (although such women do exist...I know we have a couple on this board ;-)).

As for his hand-holding and kissing, that doesn't mean a thing. One of the hallmarks of a good player is having all the "sincere" actions down pat. Also, I have found that more men than women are able to keep the whole being romantic/sex thing separate.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:29am
Thank you so much for your opinion. He maybe a player but why would he do all the sweet things when he didn’t really have to? I don’t think he even knew I was awake.
I know I am walking a dangerous line here but am so tired of always expecting something serious.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:32am

I'm not saying he necessarily IS a player, just that you CANNOT read anything into his actions. He could do all the sweet things in the world, but at the end of the day, if he's moving to CA, what does it matter? If you're thinking anything along the lines of, "he's kissing me in my sleep, maybe he's falling in love with me and won't move", stop now ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:37am
No way would I be thinking that! When it comes to "love" word I am pretty careful.
Thanks again!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:41am

Well, I was obviously exaggerating/kidding about that...but it's pretty obvious you are thinking it means *something* and you need to not think that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:44am
You are right - I tend to overanalyze things sometimes and drive myself crazy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 7:17pm

>>You are right - I tend to overanalyze things sometimes and drive myself crazy!<<

Well, you ARE a woman, right? :)

As far as your original question... naw, you're not wrong, as long as the guy is on the same page as you are about your hopes/goals/feelings.

If he's thinking "boy, if she falls for me and we're a match, then we'll run back to Cali and live happily ever after" when you have NO intention of moving, that's not cool.

As usual, the best advice is to not stress too much, not try and guess at what he's thinking, and to be very open and honest about what you're thinking, what it means to you, and where you see things going and what you think are options for you.

As far as sleeping with him... you're a grownup, right? Do what you want as long as you're willing to deal with any consequences! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 7:32pm

Dear niceguy,
It's great to hear your point of view. I agree about being upfront. I did tell him about how I need to stay in this area and he kind of disagreed with the whole concept of the importance of son/father being within close proximity. The bottom line is - I REALY like this person and I REALY would like to live in CA. I don't know if I SCHOULD/COULD.
I would like for thing to work out somehow that he sticks around here a few years but it's still too early to make big plans like that. I just decided to stop expecting and wonder about how it will turn out and just have him while I can :)
By the way he is the same Mr. Hot I was so stressed about meeting (if you remember).




Edited 1/9/2005 7:36 pm ET ET by ivos2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:18pm

"......he kind of disagreed with the whole concept of the importance of son/father being within close proximity."

What? How can he disagree with the importance of that?

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: ivos2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:28pm

he kind of disagreed with the whole concept of the importance of son/father being within close proximity.


There's a keeper for you. Do yourself a big

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