Amazingly My Relationship Is Still Going

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Amazingly My Relationship Is Still Going
3
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 10:30pm
I guess I have posted here a few times, but never really said much about what is up with my own dating life. Anyway, I have been seeing a guy that I meet on match for about 3 months now. So much is stacked against this relationship I am amazed it has lasted this long. We have oposite work schedules, I work 9-5:30 or so M-F and he works 5-9 M-F. So that leaves very little time during the week to see each other. His weekends have been filled up for the last month to month and a half. I just moved and now I live a good 45 minutes from him, before I was probally a good 25-30 minutes. I have a long distance cell phone and his plan doesn't have long distance minutes. I have yet to see where he lives, but I should add that he still lives with his dad so I do wonder if that doesnt have something to do with it. Plus he says its a mess. So far he has met one person I know (for about 2 seconds) which is my new roomate, and I haven't been introduced to anyone he knows. We seem to see each other once every other week or so, and talk on the phone once maybe twice a week, but not for long. He's not on IM so I don't talk to him there, and we haven't exchanged emails since we actually meet in person. To be honest I am amazed things have lasted this long, at times at seems this are finished but they just keep going. To me it seems things are moving forward extrememly extremely slowly. He's doesn't seem to express his emotions much, but neither do I, so I don't really no how he feels about me. I am really not sure what to do in this situation, so I am looking for any advice you might have. I think what I am really looking for is hope that even if things are bad now they may get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 5:52pm
I dont have a great advice to share but I personally would not date someone I can see once every other week and talk on the phone twice a week. This is not looking like a relationship. He certainly has hard time having a GF because of his work schedule so he is settling but you dont have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 7:53pm

Uh....how old are you guys? You work full-time and he works part-time but he only calls once a week and you only see him once every other week. He lives w/his Dad in a messy house and this has been going on for three months but you have never met his friends or visited his house?

I know when two people are relating you can equate it to a relationship which is what you and this guy have (more of an acquaintance); but I got the impression you were assuming this was some sort of love relationship that is growing slowly and it's NOT!!

Get out and meet people and keep your options open!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 9:14pm
I am 22 but finished college a year ago, he is 25 but still going to college and working on his undergrad degree. He still lives with his dad yes, which makes sense since he is still in school, which is also why he only works part time. I moved out of the house at 17 so I most likely tend to forget how demanding family can be. I know he's close with his family which seems to take up a lot of his time. I could understand him feeling it was too soon to introduce me to family but I kinda wish he'd introduce me to a friend. I invited him to come meet my mom when she was in town, but I didn't push and nothing became of it. It is more than an aquantiance even if I only qualify as the FWB. Part of my gut tells me he's not seeing other people, but I have never actually asked, nor do I really feel that is out of some sort of commitment to me. Whereas I am not seeing other people because I do want to see where this goes when yes in all reality I know it sure doesn't seem to be going any where. He seems to be very much the go with whatever type personality, and to a certain extend I can deal with that. But this once every two weeks thing, and talking once a week (right now its been over a week) is really starting to test my patience. I would like to see if there is some sort of comprimse that can be reached. I hate the idea of giving an ultimatium, like either see me more often or I'm leaving you. So part of me thinks just leave, but part of me thinks I should say something like if you're willing to but a little more effort into this I'll stay. So if anyone has any suggestion on how to phrase that one I would be interested. Part of me feels I need some sort of closer to this relationship not just well I haven't seen you in two weeks so I am going to go out with someone else. Which is prehaps one of the main problems is when I do talk to him, as rare as it, this don't seem nearly as bad, which is why I haven't actually managed to break it off. Part of me would feel that dating someone else without saying its offically over would be cheating, whereas nobody has acutally said anything about being exclusive. It has seemed in the rest of my relationships there has never been much a need to say "we're dating exclusively" I have always just known we are, so I guess I feel kinda strange about that converstation. While I want to ask, things also feel they are falling apart so it seems a little strange to define this as exclusive when there are so many problems already. Yet part of me wonders if defining it as exclusive will fix some of the problems. Like maybe he doesn't want to introduce me as the girl he's dating to his friends, but if it had actually been said I was the girlfriend it would be another thing. I guess that's the way I think, so while a lot of my friends know there are some that don't purely because I don't want to get into and explain the "sorta" grey area this relationship has been sitting in for 3 months. I am not sure any guy acutally thinks like that though. Sadly, while a lot of this seems to be him not in the relationship mindset, a lot of it seems to be piss poor timing and piss poor circumstances. I also feel I have a tendancy to leave relationships when the circumstance are poor, which has lead me to a series of short relationships, when in all reality I really want a relationship that can live through the poor circumstances. I keep thinking maybe I just need to learn to tough stuff out a bit more. Which is why I am so lost on what to do.