analyze this...

Avatar for thousandays
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
analyze this...
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 6:34pm
girl fest time and time to analyze my date b/c I'm doing a very poor job, ie: I'm feeling very down.

We met in front of the movie theatre in the historic district (ie: pedestrian, quaint area). He was right on time and oh so yummy. He's 6'2 with sandy brown hair and dark brown eyes. He was wearing a white button down shirt, with the top two buttons undone, the sleeves rolled up 3/4 and untucked with khakis. I loved his stye. It was like, relaxed casual preppy. Anyway we went to this pub across the street and had a couple drinks. I was laughing a lot and having a really great time. Mainly reminiscing about old school memories. After about 1.5 hours, we were hungry so we walked to this mexican place and ate. I think we were there about 2 hours talking. I worried he'd end the date after that but then he asked what I'd like to do now, would I want to go to another pub and talk some more. So we went to another pub, this one much louder and only had one drink. We left there and he asked if I still wanted to go somewhere else. So went to yet another pub (huge irish population in this town - Crystal would know Norwalk-SONO). We got to this place and a band was setting up. So we had a snack and another drink and talked some more. I was laughing a LOT and loving it. I so wanted to kiss him. I kept telling myself it's too soon but I adored his smile and just wanted to snog him. *sigh* Then the band started and it got too loud for conversation. But occasionally he'd say something to me and we'd have to lean in close to hear. And our cheeks touched. I about turned into goo right there in the booth. Then it was nearing midnight (our date started at 4pm) and the band wasn't playing anything different and it was loud and smoky so we left. There wasn't anything else to do so he walked me back to my car.

Here's where I doubt things. He actually apologized for not having more to say at the end, he said he ran out of things to talk about. I was all, ok but inside was thinking, why does he need to mention this and the band was playing so it kinda made talking about anything very difficult. Then he said he had a good time and I said I had a great time. (I'm usually very bad about remembering to tell a date I've had a good time.) He said maybe we could get together again to see a movie or something. I said I'd like that. Then he reached his hand out and shook my hand. !!! I've never had a date shake my hand. (I suppose in his defense, he was born and raised in the south, very much a gentleman, was nice having him let me walk in front of him everywhere we left or thru a door, etc.) But he shook my hand? The weird part was, he said, as he was shaking my hand, "I'm not really sure what's appropriate so I'll just shake your hand." I said a hand shake was just fine. Then I got in my car, he in his and we left. And I haven't heard from him. Ok I know it was just last night but I was hoping for an email or something. I'm starting to think I won't hear from him again. I can hope but it's always this way, the guys I like never like me back.

Worst part of the evening? I made a bad shirt choice. It was a new shirt I'd bought a couple weeks ago. Looked great on me in the store. Criss cross style. But when I sat down, it kinda sank and was too revealing. I kept pulling it up all night and wondered if I looked like a total skank and wondered if he thought so too. I certainly didn't want to give the impression of dressing too immodestly but this top was bad. I didn't know tho, until I was almost there and I looked down at myself in the car and was all, uh oh, way too much cleavage. Suddenly wished I had smaller breasts. No chance for a last minute reduction. I'll have to wear a tank top underneath from now on. How embarrassing tho.

Ok so any thoughts, words of comfort, insights?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 7:47pm
Oh dearie, I think the date went rather well. 4pm until 12 midnight is a good date! I do not think this man would have spent that much time with you otherwise. Dont fret. It was just lastnight, give him til the end of the week, and then you contact him about some great event going on and you invite him out. Just give him a chance here. I think he is just trying to not to botch this up and taking the steps carefully. He is wise to do so. I think he likes you, but I am sure as any man would look at your top half even if you were buttoned to the neck. giggles. Men are just that way honey. So, dont worry too much and if you feel that weird about the impression you gave, then the next date should be different. Maybe a picnic outside or a walk in a park. Have some coffee, keep it light and less noise so you two can talk more. Get more out of him. he might just be a tad shy. Be patient. he will contact you I am sure. You are so happy about it, but sometimes men do not know how to handle this happiness about a first date. It went well. Do not worry. He will email you or something. I am sure. Goodluck and keep me posted.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 8:29am
An 8 hour date for the beginning!? Well, that does not sound bad at all. Believe me, he did like it as well, otherwise he won't have spend all that time with you. Especially because you've changed locations quite a few times and every location change would have been a good chance to say goodbye in case he wanted.

The end of the date with him saying sorry for not knowing what else to say sounds to me as if he wanted to go on with the date but did not know how. You know guys always want to impress us even if that's not neccessary (in case we really like them, right!?) so he may thought better go home now than bore her. And shaking hands, well, I don't know how often he already dated a person he got to know online so perhaps that's just out of insecurity because he didn't want to appear too upfront with you.

And regarding the problem "the guys I like never like me back" (and I am sure it goes further like "I don't like the guys who like me") I felt absolutely the same for a very long time. You will feel better when you understand that you are a great person and that there is no reason why somebody shouldn't like you. Don't think too much and try to be just yourself.

And BTW I am pretty sure by the time you will read this he has already contacted you and asked for another date. And if not, just tell him how much you liked the evening and ask him when you will see him again. You have nothing to loose!

Big cyber-hug for you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:28am
Relax! I too overanalyze when I really like someone but you cannot listen to what is said at the end of the date unless it is "I'm not going to call" or "Do you want to have dinner on Wednesday?" The only thing I would have done differently was to drink less just in case it affected you - or drink next to nothing. But again, not a mistake or a criticism!

Relax - he has till Wednesday to ask you out for the weekend, right?