Any advice greatly appreciated

Avatar for janeannl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Any advice greatly appreciated
3
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:39am

I haven't done the "dating someone I met through a personal ad" thing for about six years and have been in a serious relationship for about three years. I recently put an ad on Yahoo but wasn't sure the timing or my desire was that great, so I made it non-searchable. Then I ran across a guy's profile that really caught my eye and I messaged him. This was about two weeks ago. We've exchanged about a dozen emails/messages and talked on the phone the other night for over an hour. I think I could really like this guy and it really appears that he's into this thus far as well.

Here's my dilemma: I tend to be the kind of person who really goes after what she wants, to the point of being pushy or appearing anxious. I don't want to continue that habit. I'd really like him to make the next move. Plus, I think taking things slow is a good thing because of some timing issues in my life. He works at a sports bar, so is pretty much not in touch over the weekends. I guess my question really is "how slow is 'not interested'"? If I step back too much, is that sending him the message that I'm not interested or only marginally interested? Is there any "timing" advice that y'all could give me?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:23am

There are a surprising number of people with profiles online who have no intention of actually *meeting* someone in person...either because they are already involved or because they are clueless or who knows why. So this guy may be one of them--he may be "interested" but only in an email and phone pal.

I would have already suggested that we meet for coffee (I hate dragging out the pre-meeting emailing and phone calls, because it's so often the case that there's no in-person chemistry even when there seems to be email/phone chemistry and I don't want to waste my time), but if you don't want to do that, then there's really nothing you can do but continue at his pace.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 5:32pm
I agree with Sheri. I used to try to "cultivate" certain guys, knowing I knew how. However, one day I just decided that if it took that much work, who wants it anyway? You want to be able to be yourself in a relationship. If you can't speak a reasonable amount of what's on your mind from the beginning pretty much, what's the point in continuing? Just my two cents.
Avatar for janeannl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 10:52am
Quick update: on Saturday I was running errands out by the place he works and decided to stop by to introduce myself. He seemed happy to see me and while we didn't get a chance to talk a lot, he did ask me out when I was getting ready to leave! He seems very nice and I'm extremely excited about tomorrow night!