Any hope for quiet guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Any hope for quiet guys?
5
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:38pm
I am not a talkative person at all... I was talking to a girl for months that I met via myspace and we went from myspace messages.. to yahoo instant messanger... to the phone... then back down to text messages... and occasional short yahoo sessions. To make a long story short without getting into a bunch of crap that i've already gotten into on the LDR forum... I could never hold a conversation very well with her and she always blamed me. is there any way for a quiet guy to make a girl want to meet him? sometimes she even told me I needed to go to counseling to learn social skills besides just to "treat" my depression... anyway will anyone like me the way I am or am I supposed to be ashamed of myself and try to force myself to change....?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:06pm

I'm sorry, but that chick sounds like a horrible person to have said something that mean to you about going to a counselor to learn social skills!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 3:21am

Well, that girl doesn't sound like someone I'd want to talk to anyway. In terms of your conversational skills, or lack thereof, all I can say is that the best conversationalists are also the best listeners. Not just keeping quiet while the other person talks, but really listen to what the other person is saying, taking cues from them and composing your own questions or responses

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:05am
I don't think there's any reason for you to feel ashamed of yourself. However, I'm betting there are times that you're not quiet, even if it's just in your mind. People want interaction, but something like 80% of communication is non-verbal. So that would make it kind of tough on the phone, etc. Personally, I think that girl was judgmental and probably a "tire kicker" in life. You really can't get an accurate idea of what someone is like until you meet them in person. Her judgment was pre-mature, imo. I have met quiet guys who had something to hide I found out later, however. Are you quiet just at first or all the way through? Being a brilliant conversationalist can be over-rated, imo, when it covers a shallow soul. There's nothing wrong with being a private person, in my view, but you'll probably have to meet someone who's also private, I'm guessing. It's ironic because the No. One thing women complain about their husbands is that they don't talk with them enough. My guess is that a lot of these guys were sparkling conversationalists at the beginning of the relationship when they were still trying to "win" her. I can only tell you that from my perspective, character is what makes things or breaks them for me. It doesn't really matter if a person's quiet or not, it's what shines through that counts. So my advice would be to not let people like this girl get you down. There're all sort of different people in the world, you just have to keep looking for them. At least that's what I tell myself. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:13pm

I’m dating a guy who’s not that talkative and we were talking about this issue last few times in our phone calls and emails. We met a few months ago in person and then he moved to another state so now it’s long distance and harder to communicate since he’s not that talkative specially on the phone. But it doesn’t make me like him less. He’s a kind and very nice person and that’s what matters to me the most. I try to ask him questions about the things he’s interested in. It makes him feel more comfortable and give him the confidence to talk more. That’s why I think if she really cared she would find a way to get to know you better by being creative and helping you to open up.

Falcon

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:12pm
yea she never even really pretended to show much interest in anything I did... I'm think im starting to get over it finally. She would threaten to hang up on my if I couldn't think of anything to say. She would also get pouty and try to make me feel guilty for not being able to talk... lots of things were pretty crappy now that I look back on it. I guess I tolerated it because she was the only girl I ever really talked to that much and had feelings for.