Any opinions on chemistry

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
Any opinions on chemistry
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 10:49am
dot com? I did a profile and got some okay matches, now they're trying to get me to subscribe and sending me "so and so is interested in you" but won't let me look at the profiles, they're different than the matches.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 2:43pm

Hi, I haven't tried it myself but I did find a couple of old threads about it that may be helpful to you: thoughts

Question about


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 3:21pm

Just to reiterate what I already said in at least one of the earlier threads:

Don't get too wound up in the "scientific matching" thing, either as a negative or a positive. When you get right down to it, all it means is that, instead of giving you the whole database of guys in your area, they dole them out to you at a rate of about 5 a day, and (perhaps more importantly) they're doling the women -- including you -- out to potential guys at a about 5 a day. The result, I think, is that users are encouraged, or practically forced, to pay more attention to every single profile that's at least roughly in the relevant demographic.

The other main feature is the "guided communication" process. It may be good, may be bad, but it does force a somewhat more deliberate pace, and it makes it pretty easy to turn away an unwanted expression of interest. Plus, when someone's turned away,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 3:57pm

Thank you Stephanie and Yet another guy! I appreciate the threads and looked them over.

Here's what I think is weird about the "so and so is interested in you." It's not that I thought they aren't real people. It's just that I got my first 9 matches, right? And they asked me to let them know if I was interested in them. Well I assumed these same matches each had me as one of their matches.

Then I got 2 men that are interested in me and I can't see their profiles, but from their user names and the headlines of their blurbs I can tell they're profiles I haven't laid eyes on. (And then the little (Join now!) box pops up COVERING their profiles. So that means they can see me but I can't see them.

Does that mean the men whose profiles I see don't see me at all?

Basically Chemistry wants me to join when I have no idea who might be interested in me. It's like everybody's looking through a one-way mirror. I don't like that. No way I'm going to join when I have no idea who I'm joining to meet. I don't even know how far away they live. And among the 9 matches whose profiles I could see, only one was within a few miles from me. The rest were a 30-90 minute drive -- more in traffic.

There's always Match which has huge numbers of members, but I used to belong and all the men there were players.

There was another called Matchmaker, which was a little better... never as bit as match but a slightly higher chance of finding a sincere man on that one. Think they're gone now.

Oh well, what can you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 5:07pm

The experience of getting expressions of interest from people who aren't in your list of matches isn't unusual. In fact, it's pretty much the norm. To understand this, you've got to appreciate the way their system works.

There is some group of men in your geographic area who fit your basic criteria (age range, height, don't smoke), or at least the ones you indicated were important to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 5:17pm

Okay, that makes sense.

Guess I'm naive, but I thought they didn't match people up at all unless both people fall into one another's match criteria. No wonder so many people get frustrated w/OLD! Then again I always suspected they'd make a big deal of how compatible you are w/someone but really thought... gee I have nothing in common with him -- wait, he happens to live near me. lol

When I look at it that way it saves me $26/month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 5:34pm

Just a slight expansion of the "doling out" process that's fundamental to Chemistry, apropos of another thread that's not related, except in general terms:

It might seem irritating or counterproductive that you don't get to see all your possibilities right up front, so you can act with as complete information as possible.

One effect - which isn't entirely a bad thing - is it forces you to consider each possibility individually, and say "Yes" or "No." Of course, there's nothing to stop you from just checking "No" to every one after six seconds of consideration. But then you find yourself in the irritating position of staring at an empty list.

More important (particularly for women ... maybe) than how it affects what you do, is how it affects the behavior of the people who are looking at your profile. They also have their attention focused on your profile, alongside only a handful of others, rather than amid a whole candy-shop-full.

What happens in the candy-shop systems -- especially to men, though also to women - when they get a list of 200 possible mates, is they do one of two things.

1) Some people take the effort to craft a thoughtful, well-considered, personalized

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:13pm

Chemistry is a gimmick, in my opinion. The whole "we only match you up with 5 people a day" thing is intended to keep you on for a longer period- which means more money for them.

Any of these services which claim to be using technology to better match you with people are blowing smoke. What computer can do a better job of deciding what's good for you than YOU can do for yourself?

No, stick with services that let YOU pick who you want to see, and stick with services that have lots of choices.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 4:02pm

"I thought they didn't match people up at all unless both people fall into one another's match criteria"

They don't. At least not unless both people fall into the criteria that are indicated to be important to them.

What you need to recognize is that there are, say, 200 men whose criteria and yours don't conflict, and each of those men has, say, 200 women whose criteria and his don't conflict. The odds that one of them gets you on the same day you get him are slim. Plus, the system might actually avoid it: let one person decide if there's an interest on his or her side, and go to the other one only if there is.

It also may be the case that, if you turn down one of the system's suggestions to you, that guy doesn't thereafter ever get you sent to him as one of his suggestions. I'm not sure if the software actually does this or not, though it would make sense: one person has already said (s)he isn't interested. I believe I only once got an expression of interest from a woman I passed on when she was one of my suggestions, and I believe she was using a new account/username. Not sure exactly why people do that, but I have seen the same person appear twice on accounts several times.

I think the system is a gimmick designed specifically to appeal to women, who are tired of getting stacks of messages from guys who haven't read their profiles. The matching isn't the essence, it's the "doling out." Other features seem to be intended to deal with exactly the complaints I see from women on this board, by giving them more control over the communication and meeting process, and reducing the things, in other systems and in the real world, that incentivize men to be aggressive by rewarding that.

Determining what someone's personality is with an online quiz is difficult enough. Figuring out what other personality would "go together" with it is even trickier. And, even if you succeed in doing that, and are able to tell a guy, with completely accuracy, that Woman X and he will like each other, he'll still turn her down if he thinks she has a big nose.

Edited 6/11/2009 4:03 pm ET by yetanotherguy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 10:10am

Okay, after practically swearing to myself that I will never try OLD again, I admit that I'm tempted to give a try. (I'm embarrassed to admit this!) I still have my profile there and have been getting both matches and profiles of men that are supposedly interested. What tempts me is that several of these look compatible, at least on paper, and much more so than most anything I found on or on a couple of the free sites. However, after googling for chemistry reviews, I've read some awful ones online and don't want to throw money down yet another dating rat hole.

Should I sign up for the month membership just to give it a try? Is there any way I can avoid that sinister auto-renewal feature that I've heard about? Or should I just ignore the profiles that Chemistry keeps sending me?

Thanks for any advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 11:44am

I was on Only b/c it was free. I think they belong to the same co that owns I had a profile at match at the time they came out with this one in order to compete with eharmony (which is a crock btw). They gave me free lifetime membership. I would advice you not to subscribe to this type of site if you have to pay for it (same with eharmony). Why? b/c when it comes to online dating, success has to do with having lots and lots of exposure and these types of sites don't give you that. They control how many matches they send you a day (max 10 for chemistry)