Are there dating rules?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Are there dating rules?
4
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 6:06pm

Hi all!

I am new to this message board stuff, but was reading through some of the other questions and thought I would give it a try.

Are there "dating rules" that are followed when doing this online dating thing. For instance, should you wait a day or so to call someone so you do not appear to be to anxious? How long should you exchange emails? Should you talk on the phone before you meet someone?

I appreciate any information you can provide!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 7:09pm

Welcome to the Board! Good question! There are numerous web sites about online dating, here are links to two:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/08/01/earlyshow/leisure/books/main517189.shtml

http://www.rulesforonlinedating.com/

The main thing is to take it slow, be cautious and safe! Online dating is worse that blind dating because you don't have a mutual friend introducing you who knows both of you.

The county I live in, and the state, offer web sites that list court records, and once you have the person's full name you can quickly find out all kinds of information. Usually guys will give you their phone number in hopes you'll call them, and as long as it's a listed land line you can do a 'reverse phone number' lookup to find out where they live, and their full name. If you do decide to call, be sure to block your personal information from their Caller I.D. (press *67 and wait for a dial tone before you dial his number).

Just remember that you have no idea who you're dealing with and they can tell you whatever they want. One guy I was corresponding with sounded great...that is until I checked the court records and found out he'd been arrested for petty theft, and is also an excon for drugs!!

Best of luck!

Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 8:37am

I am a big advocate of online dating. It works and it's fun. But there are rules. This is of course mostly common sense and directed to women. Once you have posted your (hopefully) catchy little profile (and that's another subject), let the guys come to you. They will find you and you can pick and choose which ones you wish to respond to. It is always polite to at least acknowledge all of them, even if it's just a "No, thank you". If someone "winks" at you and his profile rings your bell, than by all means wink back. Then the emails begin. Ask questions, tell him what you are looking for. Be very honest and be very specific. You are on the site to find your match and presumably so is he. The emails should tell you fairly quickly if this person is worth meeting. Do not give any information yet such as where you live, where you work, what your last name is, and especially not your phone number. This way if half way into the second week of emails (yes, two weeks) you realize there is something not to your liking you can bow out gracefully. Trust your instincts. Email flirting can give you a false sense of intimacy. If you decide to meet him, meet at a public place, let a friend know where you are, drive your own vehicle, etc. See? Common sense. If on this first date the bells ring and the stars twinkle in your favor than that's what you hope for. Information can then be exchanged. If on the first date you start to wish you were anywhere but there, then you can go home safely (make sure you are not followed) and since he doesn't have your name, phone number, etc. You can rest assured it is the last time you have to see him. Oh, he may email you and ask what he did wrong. Just be honest. You never know until you actually meet face to face if there is chemistry or real connection.

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 2:01pm

One thing I realize is important- make sure to meet in a place that YOU are comfortable and you know the area. I live in a big city- and there have been a few times that I wanted to meet at a local Starbucks- by me (well lit, near parking, etc.)- granted these guys lived maybe a ten minute drive from the location. For the most part, most guys are agreeable to meeting at a spot near me. Those few times that the guys were not- the first time I met them- the location turned out to be not a great place for a single woman to wander around- the second time I got smart- when the guy refused to meet at the Starbucks near me (he wanted it near him, which was also not well lit at night and totally out of my way!)- I turned it down.

You never know with these guys- and you want to be able to make a quick exit if someone isn't right- forget being polite- your safety is WAY more important in the long run.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 9:51am

On the subject of safety:

I have found that restaurants and coffee shops attached to malls are comfortable places for me to meet. For meeting someone half-way in a somewhat unfamiliar area, a mall is easy to locate on a map, you usually know what restaurants/coffee shops are in it through the internet, and it is very public. I've met other places also, and I like the malls best. So far I've had two lunch meets and one coffee shop meet at a mall (different malls) and it's been very comfortable. I like it that I could park my car at a completely different end of the mall, and that I could part from the guy saying I needed to do some shopping and not have him walk me to the car if I didn't want him to.

Just a thought.

Elsa