Are we a couple yet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Are we a couple yet?
5
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 2:47pm

I met this guy online. We talked for about a month and we've been seeing each other for a month and a half. We've been intimate. We get a long very well, see each other once a week or so (due to our busy schedules) and talk on the phone and e-mail. My problem is he has not brought up the fact that he wants us to be exclusive. We had discussed previously how he likes to take things slow and I too am cautious but I am getting irritated and slightly impatient after this long. The last relationship I had from online dating lasted over a year...after a few weeks my then-guy said he wanted to just see me and took his profile off. That relationship naturally progressed and this one has not.

My new guy hasn't taken his profile offline yet, although he checks it less frequently. He also hasn't asked me to meet his friends or family yet. He hasn't met any of mine either. It took him forever to kiss me too. Is he just taking it slow? What are my options in broaching the subject of exclusivity? Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 2:50pm
If YOU want exclusivity, then YOU need to bring it up.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 2:52pm
How do I bring it up though?? I don't want to sound like I am rushing things or backing him into a corner. What is the approriate way to bring this up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 3:02pm

You're definitely not a couple until the time that you both agree to have "the talk" about seeing only each other. But the fact that his profile is still up and that you haven't met his friends/family means that he is still thinking of you as a "date" not a girlfriend.

If your profile is still up, an easy way to approach it is to tell him that you were thinking of taking your profile down because you don't really want to date anyone else right now and ask him what he thinks about it. It is relatively low pressure but gets your point across. It puts it on YOU not him. If he is ready to take that step, then you can move more toward exclusivity.

It might be a good time to start introducing him to your friends - that is another good indicator that things are moving to a more permanent place. Once he meets your friends, he might introduce you to his and you can learn a lot more about him.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 3:05pm

I'd suggest working into a conversation.

Say something like "I've reached the point that I'm ready to be exclusive. Where are you?"

You need to let him know your POV without expecting him to be on the same page.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 3:09pm
That's very helpful. I think I'll try that route. My profile is still up and I went out on a few dates since we started dating, more out of frustration than anything. Nothing compares to him though.