Article on dating over 40

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Article on dating over 40
23
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 9:35am

This is in the Seattle Times this morning about men's views on dating after 40, and it's a follow up to a previous article (there's a link to the previous article as well):

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2002589853_datingmen30.html

http://archives.seattletimes.nwsource.com/cgi-bin/texis.cgi/web/vortex/display?slug=dating02&date=20051002&source=st

There's a lot about OLD in both articles.

My two comments on today's article:

1. Thank you Craig Sawyer (one of the guys quoted in the article)--you get that it's just *conversation* when you ask someone what they do, not trying to find out what their bank account is like!

2. And to the guy who said some women seem too busy: maybe you should try getting a life and doing something besides watching TV every night--it might make you a more interesting date. That's probably my number one pet peeve about men my age: they lead BORING lives!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 1:50pm
I think that is a very big bit of a generalization...quite a blanket statement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:03pm

>empty headed dumb woman who pays his way and hers
>on the first date and also has sex with him on the
>first date. They want a woman who never says anything
>who just smiles constantly and giggles. Someone who
>will give up everything on date 1 and never expect
>anything in return ever not even one steak dinner
>that he would actually pay for.

Yes, but a woman this good is hard to find. So I've narrowed it down to just sexy and obedient.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 6:20pm

this article hits on some good points that i recently learned about myself..

checking baggage.. i have gone to counseling and feel the last r'ship really helped me a ton too and where i am right now is a very good place emotionally. i feel very ready and stable and committed for a r'ship. and can totally admit where i was wrong in past

but the article states that we are soo quick to judge and just throw in towel becasue we see something that reminds us of a past person's behavior and think no way can't have another for e.g-- non expressive guy or someone that doesn't call all the time like so an so..

well i for one had that experience very recently and worked through each and every uncertainty during the first two mnths of dating this guy.. (who is now 4 mths my bf and things are wonderful)..

but i had a guy once that was soo nonexpressive
ihad a guy once that couldn't pick up the phone and call more

these are things i need, someone that is verbally/emotionally intimate and that likes to check in once a day

the current guy wasn't doing this the first month. he too had his own issues from his past being told maybe he was a bit overbearing or this or that..

becasue maybe he was w/ a woman that need much more space and me being w/a man that needed more space

as we learned more about each other and felt safer, he started becoming more expressive and calling everyday..

i started realizing wow this guy is meeting some of my needs , and is not like the EX..

now if i were quick to judge based on past experience and not worked through it he would have been a goner by week two.

so this is just some food for thought.. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 11:22pm
This man over 40 wants a woman who
has a job
a hobby
friends
This is so she has a life outside of mine. She needs space to do what she wants and friends to do it with.
smart
playful
conservitive
sassy
I need a partner more than a body just sitting there.
I dont want a woman who puts out. I need a woman who has respexct for herself and for me.
If I wanted all you said a blow up doll would work fine.
But all I need is a woman who will complement my body , soul, amd mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 11:35pm
Life is really funny. I am so confident with work and buisness it is unbelievable. When it comes to women I am not so comfortable. It maybe be that I am afraid of rejection. But I am a friendly person and not afraid to start small talk with a woman but I dont go any further.
When I see an attractive woman I feel she is very pretty and must have a bf at least .
My friends tell me that a woman is hitting on me and I dont even realize it. I just think they are being friendly.
Well you want to know where we are HERE IS A FACT.
We were married for 20 years now divorced and to stupid to realize a woman is hitting on us. Now you have to hit me on the head and tell me out right. Hey want to go out one night.
No I dont watch alot of tv, if I watch an 1 hr. a day half of it would be the news.
I am now in school to get a pilots license, also enrolled in a computer class.
Heck if a woman rang my door bell I still wont understand the message.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:33pm
Indeed, I have read (in books by men!) that men can be very dense about realizing when we are "interested" in them. I believe the authors of How to Succeed With Men discuss this. So evidently, some of the times when we women think the man is not interested in US, he just doesn't realize that we might be interested in HIM!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 2:00am

>men can be very dense about realizing
>when we are "interested" in them.

WE are not dense. Women are *confusing*! I have had countless discussions about the way women flirt and I get varying opinions from *WOMEN* about what the signals mean. So if you can't decide amongst yourselves, what hope have men got?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 4:54am

"WE are not dense. Women are *confusing*"

Both sexes are confusing......and confused in some cases.....

Blanket statements don't apply, imo. Every individual is unique.




Edited 11/2/2005 5:55 am ET by kerstynclare
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 8:15am

I am famous on these board for encouraging women to ask men out. Yet I get haranged time after time from other posters who have read too many books saying women should be flashing men "the signal" (whatever that means) by staring at them because men MUST do the chasing. Others say that if a man doesn't ask you out he is "just not that into you". I am sure many good potential relationships have be squashed due to all this signaling and miscommunication.

Men and women will continue to be confused about mutual interest as long as they insist on playing these games.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:34am

It's not that I've read too many books...it's that my own *personal experience* (when I was younger, I used to ask men out all the time) and the collective experiences of my friends and acquaintances has been that asking men out is simply not effective in forming a lasting relationship (at least in situations where the man has had plenty of opportunity to ask YOU out). They may go out with you to be kind or polite or because they are curious, but they have always turned out to be not all that interested. If they were, they would have asked you out in the first place.

Besides, if a guy isn't willing to take that risk to find out if *I* am interested, I don't really want to date him. I want someone who is willing to take a risk to get what he wants, whether it's a job or anything else in life.

Sheri