Back from my Break w/?'s

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Back from my Break w/?'s
5
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:47am
I've been OLD'ing on & off for the past 2 yrs. Taking breaks in between. And I figured I'd give it another go around. Meeting people in real life wasn't any better. It's amazing to see so many married guys who don't wear wedding rings. So, there is just as much disappointment IRL.
I thought I'd try Match this time. I had done it once shortly over a year ago and it has changed quite a bit. It is very important to me to feel comfortable. I live in a small town and don't really want to display my profile for everyone to see. Especially my picture. I do not like attention especially unwanted attention. I would like to send my hidden profile only to those I make contact with. I know you can do that on Yahoo, but I don't know about Match? Is there a way to cut and paste it and send it to someone?
Is there a nice way to explain why I don't have a public profile up but am interested in getting to know the person? I prefer to make contact with one person at a time. If I feel nothing is moving I'll just move on. I would think guys would respect that and be less intimidated by thinking I have tons of guys trying to hook up with me.
Thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:09am

I don't know how to cut and paste a profile, but if you are going to do it then I would just be honest and explain in your intro email that you are a private person and don't feel comfortable having a profile.

I have to tell you though, just FYI, when I was on match I did not respond to guys w/o profiles or photos posted, for a few reasons. One, I suspect that a lot of people who do that are married or involved and hiding their online dalliances - obviously not true in your case, but often is. Also, it is very awkward if you start to correspond w/someone and then later get the pic and you find them unattractive.

Since you've done OLD before you probably already know this, but corresponding with one guy at a time could mean that it takes you a long time to even meet with someone as so many times people just disappear w/o a trace. I find that I get less discouraged by OLD if I am corresponding with multiple guys at the same time - that way if/when one of them disappears I have other prospects on the horizon and it's not as big of a deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:26am

I am not sure if you can do this on Match. I think you are available or not. I haven't used it myself in several months but that's the way it was last time I used it. There was a guy that contacted me whose profile was hidden. I told him that he had seen my profile so it was only fair he let me see his. You might be able to work around it that way, but once it's unhidden, it's unhidden for all not just the one person. So you'd have to keep hiding and unhiding.

I'm with orchid on this. IMO, if someone is unwilling to share their profile, I think of shady reasons why. You might be a private person but I think you will likely have to face a lot of doubt, questions and non-responses to a profile that isn't available.

My question is - are you ashamed of being online to find a date? I know that some people still believe there is a "stigma" attached to OLD (hey, she must be DESPERATE if she's willing to hock her wares online to get a date! blech!) but honestly I think in this day and age, it is very widely accepted. For example, you might tell your friends and family that you are willing to be set up right? They know you are looking for someone, what's the big deal of admitting you're trying the online thing?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:42am

You may be wise in posting on some of the "free" sites, such as PlentyofFish.com and/or Craigslist. That way you can basically write in your profile that you are a private person and would prefer to share photos after you have developed some communication. I understand what you are saying but on the Paid sites, to hide your profile, you will be hidden from everyone and will always have to hide/un-hide your profile. Also as you are aware, it is a numbers game, and your approach will get you very limited results -- if any at all. Most don't respond to ads without pictures; and I'm not sure you would want to communicate with someone for an extensive period of time only to be disappointed by their looks.

Good luck on whatever you decide to do!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 3:05pm
Last summer I had a profile up on Yahoo with a picture. I got alot of responses. And just couldn't get back to all of them. I'd have 3/4 guys wanting to chat at the same time. They'd all IM practically the same time and I just get overwhelmed by it. I can't seem to remember anything about them. So, I took it down after a month.
I live in a small town and I know alot of people and don't want to be approached at work or in town with my kids. My son works at the same place as I do so it's for security purposes also. I have a picture of myself on my IM so the individual will see what I look like.
I like being able to look at profiles and see if we match, even closely, and not have guys who are no match for me wanting to get together just for the sake of going out on a date. It's wasting my time. I'm not looking to just date around. As a single mom I just want to be cautious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 8:11pm
I'm the same way. Since just about anybody can go on match.com just to scroll through the pictures for free, it's pretty scarey to me. It's nice to know that other people have the same concerns. Imagine going to Jewel and have someone point and say, "I saw you on the internet!" I know it sounds far fetched but I have some unique qualities that may single me out and I do live alone...