back in the saddle
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| Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:51pm |
On another board (and starting with this one) I was chronicling the ups and downs of what turned out to be a 1-month fling with a guy I met online. Anyway, that's kaput as of yesterday (he sent me an impersonal email today saying he guesses I'm right in not wanting to meet again and wished me the best--I promptly deleted it). Initially I thought I was too beat down to continue with OLD, I thought why not just get my profile back up there and see what happens? So I go to match.com and his profile is already back up!! With the fake age too!! He's still claiming to be 30 instead of 35. Schmuck.
I blocked him from contacting me and updated my profile a bit. I reworded certain parts, like the fact that I've recently had disappointing experiences but that it's given me a clearer idea of what I'm looking for. He'll see soon enough that my profile is also back and we'll go back to being anonymous strangers to one another.
Anyway, I reactivated my match.com and eharmony accounts. It helps me to feel like I'm back to normal. Today was a good day, in fact. But a part of me knows it's probably best not to go out on dates when I'm mostly motivated by a rebound impulse. So I won't be in a rush to schedule meetings, but it helps to know that I'm putting myself back out there. I also want to continue contributing to the board, as this has been a lot of fun and really illuminating.
What a whirlwind the last month was. It seems surreal now...

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There are always a few bad apples of advice here, but I have learned over the years that when I have a personal issue I run, not walk, to message boards. The consensus opinion is usually right 99.999% of the time.
There are times even at my age where I start giving people the benefit of the doubt or I try to ignore my gut reaction just because some guy is really nice or handsome, and the boards bring me back down to earth rather quickly.
cl-bklynchik,
Either you missed the point of my post OR I didn't make my point clear.
>Just curious... what good does being right do?
It isn't being right that is important. The important issue is giving readers the FULL story rather than a condensed version that omits crucial information. It also validates the opinions of people who originally took their time to offer advice in the first place.
>Does it help the current situation?
Probably not but it may help others avoid making the same mistake. Isn't this also one of the purposes for a forum like this?
>Does it help the poster to feel a little bit better?
Again, probably not. I don't do a very good impression of a bleeding heart but I can quote verbatim all the platitudes that are used in these situations. Do you think this will help?
"This is because you knew the people who originally tried to help you were right and you didn't even acknowledge it. I would have been more supportive if you didn't try to hide this fact. Not a mention of it anywhere in your opening post."
I don't know what you want. A "gee, I was wrong, you were right, I SO sorry I didn't listen to you?" That wouldn't be speaking from how I feel about things because I read and thought about the advice, made a decision that went against most of it, but still don't regret it even though the advice was borne out in the end. This is NOT to say I don't appreciate everything that was said. And I'd taken pains to point out how I took all the advice but chose to make my own decision in light of the warnings. I was wrong about him, yes, but I don't regret the decision I made or the experience it opened me up to.
Besides, if you'd read my posts, you'll see quite clearly that I say in the end the warnings and red flags people raised were right. I've plainly acknowledged this, so if you feel miffed, go back and re-read. I'm sure most of the advice that's dispensed on this board turns out to be correct (though sometimes the advice conflicts with other advice--what to do then?) and this will certainly make me a more informed user of this board on future issues.
I think we just have different approaches to giving advice and support to others. When my advice is not followed and it blows up in someone's face, I don't feel the need to say, "see, see what happened because you didn't listen to me?" To me, that's just cruel. In cases like his, I won't withhold my moral support just because someone didn't follow my exact instructions. When I give advice on things like dating, I do it hoping that it will give the person some clarity or perspective before they go ahead with a decision, but I don't expect them to follow my advice as if it's a directive. I give advice in a spirit of generosity and in a no-strings-attached way.
That said, yours was really the only one that took this tack. And I'll reiterate that I appreciate the warmth and support I've received, especially from those who warned me in advance.
Also, you have to understand that I was new to the board at the time. Since then I've gotten to know more about the posters, their styles, and the past experiences they are drawing upon in giving their advice. I have a better understanding of where some of you are coming from and this will allow me to filter through all the advice and use it all in the most constructive way.
Anyway, let's put this one to rest. And let me say again and once and for all, I appreciate all the advice. I ultimately chose a different course (I think I used these exact words somewhere), but the advice certainly made me go into the situation with my guard up and saved me from getting too hurt in the end. I also appreciate the warmth and support of people like Sheri and Chamey, from whom I felt consoled even after their warnings proved right in the end. This to me is the message board working at it's best.
And after all this, I will continue to post on the board...
Hal,
I did not miss your point. I understood it as it was written. When you tell a person that she was told months ago not to do something, the point is about being right, not about giving a full story. Proving someone wrong does not validate anyone except the person who is trying to be right.
You are correct, one purpose of this forum is to help others to avoid making the
I've had some good quality men from SB write me - I live in LA in the same age bracket - hmmmm - just give it some time. OLD goes in spurts; one week nothing then two weeks later, your slammed with email and new people do sign up everyday.
I prefer to date locally although I have one guy driving down from Carmel on the 18th to meet me. Have you considered dating guys in LA or you won't do it? Not that I advise it, LOL :-) LA has it's own set of challenges but there are good guys here too.
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