Bah! the Big Dangerous Loaded Q's

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Bah! the Big Dangerous Loaded Q's
8
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:05pm

"So what are you looking for? What are your expectations?"


This was toward the end of

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:12pm
That is not a question I would takle by email. To me email is only a method of getting the first meet not a method of getting to know a person. Email is too impersonal and has too much room for interprutation for that type of a question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:28pm

I think posting that in your profile is a great way to handle it. I had that come up on a first meet recently, and I basically told him that that was a discussion for a later time. I mean, who wants to say through e-mail or on a first meet that you're hoping to meet your husband?

I think the way you worded was great. I might take a few pointers from you.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:54am

Thanks both of you....

Anyone else? Veterans? (Sheri, Vexer etc?)

I'm reconsidering, maybe to go with the semi-satirical approach. Along the lines of,

"What I'm "looking for" and what I "expect" are totally opposite questions! Best case scenario, I'd hope to find my 'soulmate' (while I don't like that word per se, it gets the idea across)... But a more realistic "expectation" is for most men to be mostly full of s***, so the few that aren't, are a refreshing surprise! I'm (half) kidding of course, but what I could honestly hope for is somewhere in the middle, just getting to know a person and see how it goes. I can be a little cynical, but still hopeful. Glad to discuss it more later."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:07am

Oh nevermind someone explained to me. DOH!

Anyhow, I think your "expectation" that you wrote is exactly what you should tell him.




Edited 1/26/2006 10:17 am ET by sniffle_sally
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:54pm
I personally liked the first reply better but without the word marriage. You could simply say a long term relationship. Talking about your marriage desire to a complete stranger is not a good idea. If the relationship takes off you dont want him to think you are desperate for a husband and then take you for granted. I know you say "only with the right person" but who knows he might think he is the right person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 11:48am

I liked what you wrote in the first and second. The second was a little bit more lighthearted and less intimidating. Don't get me wrong, the first one is very thoughtful and worded well, but it's worded in a more serious fashion.
In my opinion, aren't all matches out there hopefully The one great one where both know they don't have to look any further? Remember the "dating frogs theory for that one prince" takes time. It might scare the potentional emailer if you get too serious during this phase. I'd try to keep it flirty, yet intriquing, so he wants more.
Hope this helps.

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 1:09pm

Thanks.... here's what I actually ended up sending (this is Bachelor #2, "L"):


>>At the moment I'm just looking to "meet" on a casual basis, go out once in a while, just

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 5:27pm

LOL... I guess that's all I had to say, b/c he finally wrote back just now. Ain't that how it goes?


So it turns out his divorce was just finalized a few months ago and "not ready for anything serious either, just looking to meet people & have fun" so I'm definitely NOT gonna look at him as r'ship material. Maybe a fun short-term distraction to keep me from getting too