being friends with the stingy guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
being friends with the stingy guy?
10
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 1:43am

I met up with the "Stingy guy" (lol) on Sunday and haven't heard from him since which is perfectly fine with me. At the end of our last meeting, he said "keep in touch". I don't like him romantically but I think we could be good friends... even like an older brother. Should I email him and tell him? I don't really want to call him about this... but does email sound too coward? Obviously he's not into me romantically either... but then I can never tell if a guy is interested or just being friendly. In the first meeting, he tried to touch my arm briefly and in a friendly way and I didn't react. In the 2nd meeting he said I could come along with him when he goes fishing with his friends and I didn't say anything.

What do you think girls?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 9:17am
Leave it alone. why do you want to be friends with him? Do you need friends that much? I'd say just move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 10:38am
Exactly what I was thinking sposa. No point in this. RM, If he'd called and wanted to go out again and then you said you didn't like him romantically but would like to try to be friends, then it would be OK but to just contact him out of the blue after more than a week to shoot him down and say you'd like to be friends is kinda pointless. Unless you really, really need new friends, leave it alone.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 2:59pm
well I think he's kind of cool... and last time I saw him I didn't say "let's be friends"... ok, i won't contact him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 3:19pm
hold up- I am confused. Maybe there is more to this story, but I don't think there is anything wrong with having more/new friends. Unless I am missing the part that he is a scum bag, I think it's great to have male friends. Think of the perspective they can give you about their sex..... Just my opinion. But I would be up front and honest with him and see if he feels the same way..
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 3:23pm

The thing is that you are going to go on lots of dates and the vast majority won't lead to a romantic relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 3:38pm
I think more the point is that he has not followed up with her after the "date". IMO, it's a little rough to call him up after almost two weeks and say "Hey, I know I haven't heard from you and obviously we were both not interested in dating, but would you like to be friends?". Just awkward and pointless IMO. If he were interested in a relationship, he would have followed up at the time either for a date or friendship. He didn't. It's just giving him a second chance to ghost again, as one old poster used to say!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:12pm

Well, just to play devil's advocate...one of my best guy friends became my friend in exactly this way. We went out twice and while we had a LOT of fun both times, after the 2nd date, I just had this sense he wasn't going to call me again, and I was right. But I really liked him as a person (we just got along really well) so I emailed him and said, look, I know it's kind of awkward since we met on Matchmaker , but I really enjoyed your company and would love to get together again as friends. He emailed right back and said, oh, I'm so glad you said that, I would really enjoy that. Now, there was a small part of me that hoped it would develop into "more"...that never happened but we had a blast hanging out together. A while later, he met the woman who is now his wife, by which time I'd accepted it wasn't ever going to beyond friends, and I became friends with her too...luckily she was cool with the whole thing (no reason she shouldn't have been but not every woman would have been). I even went to their wedding!

So it *can* work. I wouldn't say it's the rule but it can happen.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:37pm

I went on a date and had several phone calls with a guy once that I was not attracted to, but thought he was a great guy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 4:48pm

I used to think that it was fine for people who dated to be friends. But after hearing a lot of opinions and such, my opinions have changed. It's one thing if both parties feel the same way. But if we're on dating sites, are we looking for dates or for friends? I think the former. So my answer is to not bother.


Is it possible that you just want to be his friend so you're not the "bad" guy?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 12:48am
well I seriously think he's a cool guy and a good guy... IF I have romantic feelings I would go out with him but I don't. I feel warm towards him as if he's my older brother... well he hasn't contacted me so I dont' think I will contact him... some of you are right, if he has feelings towards me then it would be really bad!