Being more aggressive/go getter

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Being more aggressive/go getter
12
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 10:43pm

I wonder if being more aggressive/go getter will get me better results on match. Some of the men who contact me send their numbers with their first message after I've winked back/e-mailed back. I never call them though but exchange at least one e-mail/IM before sending my number to see if they want to call me. Calling first is not my preference. Since I've been active for 3 weeks on match I expected to have arraigned a first meeting with at least 4 to 6 men, but not. Two have been evasive and they're off my book, 1 is a prospect for next week. The rest IM when I'm offline or keep on e-mailing. I'm quite frustrated. In late Dec. 2004 I put up an add on CL and got to meet 5 guys in one week, none of them paned out though. In any case I'm calling two guuys tomorrow, morning and afternoon.

Should I call them as soon as they send their numbers to see if that way the first meeting isn't so evasive? I wonder what others think.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 10:53pm

I don't put much value in emailing back and forth for any length of time. If the profile and pictures seems decent I like to get to the phone and the meet. Most of the time it won't go farther than that -- so getting to the meeting and not wasting time is my goal.

A really decent portion of online contacts tend to disappear at the mention of talking or meeting -- so what you're experiencing doesn't seem abnormal.

Doesn't really matter to me who calls first. I rarely would send my number unless asked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 10:55pm
I've wondered about that too. The fellow I met tonight sent his number off the bat and it took me a few days to call. It was kind of fast for me. Those first emails can be revealing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 8:48am
I like 2-3 exchanges of emails, 1-2 phone calls, then meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:43am
I've had guys send me their number in the first email and that's a little too fast for me. But I do prefer to call them first because I don't want them having my number until I'm sure they're not an axe murderer/stalker/nuisance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:05pm

How long does it take you to determine if they're not an axe murderer/stalker/nuisance or married?

Just wondering.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:48pm
Thanks for the input guys. I've decided to change my MO to see it this works better. I actually called a man this morning. He was sick in bed so we talked for about 10 minutes. He offered to call me tonight when he's feeling better. We'll see if this leads to a first meeting. In addition, I'm calling a second guy this afternoon. He lives closer than #1 so will see what happens.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:10pm

That is exactly why I don't call guys first: the last thing I want is to catch them at a bad time. The first phone call is stressful enough without that happening!

I give them my cell phone number and give them one or two good times to call so that I'm relaxed and ready.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:11pm
Reversing the roles -- I think if I sent somebody my number and they DIDN'T use it, I would probably think they weren't interested. I think most men who are doing OLD realize women don't like to give out their phone numbers too quickly so they may be thinking you are putting them off. IMO, it sounds like this: "Call me." "No, YOU call ME." not sure that's the best way to start off.
Yes, the initial emails can be revealing, but not nearly as much as the initial meeting. The way I usually handle it if I get a phone number in the email (like I did today) is to email back with a couple more details or questions, then ask when is a good time to call. That gives them a chance to tell you what's good and you gain a little extra information.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 5:03pm
I'm surprised none of the veterans here mentioned this, but if you thought you'd have meetings set up with 4 to 6 men after only three weeks, that sounds MIGHTY ambitious!! And optimistic!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 5:12pm
Well, I guess I AM an optimistic alright! However, by experience I now know that first meetings are very difficult to schedule even if there have been phone calls and such. I saw a summary of dates/meetings in someone's message and it was a date/meeting per month. To be OLD one has to have patience, hmmm.

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