being in the same occupation as the guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
being in the same occupation as the guy
8
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:43pm

Do guys like it if you're in the same field or occupation as they are? Would that be a dealbreaker for them in some cases?

Like the guy I'm trying to "connect" with now: he's a graphic designer and I studied graphic/multimedia design, so I sort of know about the field. So, he knows how much basically I would be making in the field, the struggles I would have to go through to make it big, etc. Plus, there might be competition between the two of us because we're in the same field.

He'd probably would like someone in a different field so there's at least something different to talk about instead of talking about something he already knows about.

Do you know what I mean or what I'm talking about?

I'm just curious to know if being in the same field and/or occupation would cause it to be a dealbreaker with men. And yes, you are right...I have a lot of time on my hands to be thinking things like this! lol. C'mon, it's Monday and it's dreary outside!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:29pm

Hi there!

I definately think it depends on the occupation. As an educator, I *think* could date someone in the teaching field, but it would depend on their personality. If they are comeptitive, I would get annoyed. However, if they did their thing and I did mine and we shared ideas, then I would probably enjoy it!

I think it comes down to the professional personality, so to say. If you're both competitive and you'd compete over your successes, that could be fun or frustrating, depending on who you both are. If you both love what you do and could share ideas, that could also be great or a con, depending on who you both are.

I wouldn't let it hold you back any. Give it a try and see where it goes! :)

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:34pm
It absolutely depends on the individuals involved. I have several friends (couples that have been together for 20+ years) where both are in the same occupation. I'm sure it is a dealbreaker for some, but for others it may be a plus because you can understand each other's work better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 5:30pm
Dang girl! You just love to overanalyze don't you! ;-) As everyone has said, it is not a universal answer. But it shouldn't matter really at this stage - why not see if you even LIKE each other in a general sense before worrying about "coming home and having nothing to talk about". Get through a couple dates, huh? Initially, it could give you a lot in common and a lot to talk about. But hopefully you could eventually move beyond that and find other things in common. If not, buh-bye. If so, great. But people can work in the same field and be fine just as others can work in separate fields and have nothing to talk about besides work. Take it one date at a time and one person at a time and don't make assumptions about what he'd "probably" like or not like.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 6:41pm

Thanks, vexer for the advice. Yeah, I know I overanalyze. Sigh...can't help it, that's just me...

But anyways, I brought up the question because, yep, I'm trying to analyze what the bonkers (as to say politely) went wrong from my chat with graphic designer guy the other night. It was going great. We were talking about the various graphics programs (you know, geek stuff! lol), but it wasn't focused only on that subject. We had other things that we had in common. He writes sometimes and I told him I'm contemplating on studying that for my Master's.

The only thing I can guess would be our age range. He's 8 years older than I am, but he's the same age as my ex. I don't have a problem with that. Maybe he does, I don't know.

Maybe he felt we had too much in common? I don't know, but I had emailed him my phone number and so far, no phone call. On Saturday, I noticed him online and had emailed him asking if he'd like to chat and he suddenly got offline and emailed back to me saying he was tired, might be coming down with something, etc. But the thing that makes me ask, "what the bonkers?!" is that he tells me in the email to contact him early this week and he called me something sweet at the end.

So, what do I write to him? Do I give him my phone number again? How do I ask, "Are you still interested in me" to him? I know he doesn't owe me anything at this point, the ball's in his court, and I know it's not me, that men have short attention spans. I just wish these types of guys would let you down directly instead of having the person read in between the lines, you know? At least I prefer it that way!

Sorry, vexer, for the long rant. Just putting down what's rumbling through my head.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 6:48pm

How about this? "Hey there, hope you had a good weekend. I enjoyed our chat last week and would love to talk on the phone if you're interested. My number is ----------- and evenings after 7 PM are generally a good time to reach me".

Send it and then put him out of your mind! If he calls, great, if not, no biggie, you've already moved on mentally. It really works best to assume that every contact you have with someone is going to be your last, regardless of what he says.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 6:49pm

I think I may be repeating what I said on your other thread but here goes anyway.

You have e-mailed him and given him your number so he knows you are interested. If he e-mails you or phones you, he is interested. If he doesn't, he isn't interested. Its that simple. Why waste your time agonizing and analyzing over a man you have only chatted with a few times over the internet? It isn't worth the time or effort. Give him a few days and you'll have your answer. In the meantime, check out other profiles or better yet, call a few friends and go out somehwere where there are lots of people to meet in person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:32pm

Don't worry about over-analyzing too much. I do the same thing. In the past I wasn't cautious enough and it kicked my ass! Now I analyze a little much. We only obtain a healthy balance by trial and error. :) We'll get there!

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 1:13pm

Hi,

Definately not a deal breaker. For me it actually makes it so much easier to connect since you have so many common grounds to start with and the intellectual connection can be very powerful. Just think about it! How many women does he know that can discuss the in and outs of graphic design. For someone not in the field it is puzzling and boring. For instance someone unfamiliar would have to show a lot of interest to connect. For you, it comes naturally. Even if he's more advanced than you there's always something you can teach him or if you need his advice, your questions will be good ones. However, to add variety certainly you have hobbies and interest outside of work you can share with him to show your fun side.

In this girl's humble opinion, it's not a detriment but rather an advantage. But I'm a woman. I'd like to hear from the men.