Best experience?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Best experience?
39
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:13pm
I'm always hearing about the bad OLD experiences... Anyone care to share their good ones? Tell me the best of your best, please! :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 12:11pm

Clevergirl,



Can you share your story of how you met and what your experiences were like prior to meeting him. How long did you date etc.


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 12:31pm

I haven't read the rest of the thread but here goes.

I am back with my the BF I met through OLD more than two years ago. I found my share of players, wackos, dorks and oddballs before I met him. He fell in love with me almost right away -- I wasn't so sure, but grew to love him too. Our big problem was that he was running a business that consumed about 100 hours a week and placed unbearable stress on him financially and emotionally. We were together for a year, then broke up because I couldn't take the impact of the business problems. (Had I been younger with no child, I would have probably worked with him to help it go, but I was not in a position to do that.) Then I went out and met a couple other guys. One player, one complete psycho. So I went back to him thinking I could handle it, but I was wrong. We broke up again as nothing had changed.

A couple of months ago, he made the decision to close the business, and while it's been terribly difficult for him to admit he couldn't make it work, it has been good for us. He can now see ahead to the time when he'll have a life. And he wants to have it with me, and my daughter. He's the smartest guy I ever met that I wasn't related to, and we have awesome physical chemistry.

Do we have conflicts? Absolutely. But let me tell you -- I have a lot of friends who are married and not one of them is happy right now. I have learned that there are some conflicts you can resolve, some you can live with, and others that make you incompatible with another person. I think the ones I have with A. are the first two. So, for now at least, we are happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 12:37pm

Thanks for sharing your story.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 9:41pm

My story.

Personally I haven't really had any *bad* online dating stories, a ho-hum date or two, maybe, but nothing really that I consider bad or made me weary of OLD.

I started on Match.com when I moved to a new city because I travel a lot for work and in a new city didn't know very many people. I probably only went out with maybe 5 or 6 people in the year I was living there, a couple I dated 2-3 months but with my schedule, their goals, whatever, it just didn't work out. But nothing ended badly, just sad maybe. I did have my share of 'ghosts' though, talk over email or on the phone, then nothing, but I never was that invested in anyone until after we at the very least, met.

So when I moved to a new city again, I redid my Match profile and met maybe 5 or 6 people over 6 or so months. Only one was really NOT what he represented himself to be but every other guy I met was smart, funny, successful, who they said they were, the one that was *iffy* was mainly just not what I expected in the looks dept- which is why you should never trust people who use headshots! :) I lived in LA, I saw a lot of those :)

I met my guy while I was dating someone else, someone I liked and we actually ended up having mutual friends but he was a heavy traveler as well and he was a bit much to take after a few dates in terms of coming on strong, so I accepted a date with this my guy while still deciding how I felt about bachelor #1.

In all honesty after our first date, I was eh.. if he calls, great, if he doesn't, oh well. But he did ask me out for Friday, so I knew he was interested. Lets just say our second date he was almost a no-show given his idea of what 'afternoon' means and I almost decided not to go. But I did like him, I was dressed and hell- it was only a second date, what could it hurt.

It wasn't until our 3rd or 4th date that I decided I really liked him and from there it just snowballed. It has only been 7 months and we were living together after 4. Sure, some might say too soon, you don't really know anyone that early, blah blah- but I disagree.

You know when you know. I dated another match.com guy for 4 months and never got passed the 'friendly, yet flirty' stage and I dated guys for a year, 2 years, etc and never came close to moving in with them. I do think age has something to do with it, as well as both of us being ready for a serious relationship. It just works. We have the same understanding on communication, family, money, etc. Once you decide you are in it for good, you just decide that (almost) nothing is a 'deal breaker', you just figure out how to work through it.

We got engaged two weeks ago and will get married this summer. For the most part it has been very easy, living together, meeting each others families... Of course we have had a few 'growing pains' while learning how to do this whole co-habitating thing (neither of us has ever lived with anyone- I am 32 and he is 38), but we communicate very well.

So- that is my OLD happy story. I still hate admiting to strangers we met online, but oh well :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 10:46pm

I did OLD last year and had numerous meets. Most were OK but the chemistry just wasn't there, while only a few were just not good. I was attracted more to the "bad boy" type, well not total bad boy, but these were guys who didn't call back when they said they would, would keep me guessing, etc. - basically unreliable but great fun when you were with them.

So at the end of the year, I revamped my profile and stated more of what I really wanted, mainly NOT casual dating. I saw a pattern emerging of more conservative type guys emailing me, and at first I didn't want to meet them as they seemed somewhat boring and weren't the type I usually was attracted to, but I was determined to do something differently, so I did the meets. I realized I wanted someone more reliable. The guys before had been pilots, lawyers, and manager types. After the profile change it was mostly engineers.

The guy I am seeing now (in our third month of dating), exclusively, is an engineer and very caring, thoughtful, kind and fun. He makes me laugh and we enjoy being with each other a lot. When I first met him we had hot air balloons in common and he also flies a small airplane, which I've been up in a few times now. So I guess he is a combo of an Engineer and a Pilot.

At first I thought he was pleasant and nice, but I wasn't totally attracted to him. But there was something about him that intrigued me and I saw him a second time and he had a new haircut and looked so much better! I was much more attracted to him and really liked his personality on that date. He remembered things we had talked about previously and that impressed me as he had actually listened to what I had said.

Our relationship moved along pretty quickly and we saw alot of each other every week. We have discussed issues that eventually crop up in a relationship and are still seeing each other now. I have no idea where this relationship is going but enjoy each day that we spend together. But he is a great guy and nothing like I had originally thought on the first meet.

One other guy I saw for about 3 months last year, but found out we just weren't looking for the same things in a relationship. Yet it was still a good thing as I found that I could move on quite well from my ex.

Even IRL, we'll have good and bad periods, just as we do with OLD.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 11:31pm

That's an excellent story; thanks for sharing and sparing no details - you paint a good picture of what you went thru.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 10:13am

In all honesty- living together has been A LOT easier then I ever anticipated.

I was really nervous about that in general. Even thinking about marriage in the abstract sense, someone living in my house, all the time, as in they never go home?? I have lived alone for a long time. I haven't even had a roomate in like 10 years, so I am used to my space and set in my ways. It has been very good for me to in the sense that I am a bit of a princess, always have, always will be- but it has forced me to 'choose my battles' and be more giving because my biggest fear is that I will take him for granted. In my experience when a man loves you he does anything to make you happy, it is easy for me to allow someone to dote on me and not always give as much in return. So now that I have that on a regular basis I am much more aware of what I need to give, what I need to conceed and how it isn't all about me :)

But again, it really has been much a much smoother transition then I thought, especially considering I live downtown in an expensive city, so my 1300sf home doens't have a lot of rooms. Converting the second bedroom/office into his 'cave' also helped! :) Even though he hardly uses it to get away, I think just knowing he has a place that is more 'his' since he sold his house to move into mine has been a good thing.

I even brought him back one of those 'do not disturb/ no moleste' signs from one of the hotels when I was on a business trip to hang on the door incase he wants to be alone :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 12:14pm

Wow, you sound similar to me as far as being single and learning to give more instead of taking things for granted. I’ve always been a giver

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 2:59pm

That's a great question -- why my married friends are unhappy. I think it's one major thing taht I have learned a lot from watching: Over the course of their 30s and 40s, they have grown to be different people than they seemed to be in their 20s. Not the same as 'grown apart,' but as we age, our core characteristics emerge, I think. And some things that don't seem important to you when you're younger become VERY important to you when you're a couple decades older. One example: My best friend grew up very poor. She married a guy who was very smart about money, and they are now quite wealthy. He likes to flaunt it. She cannot abide that attitude because she feels guilty about it. He resents that she doesn't seem to 'appreciate' what they have. Big issue.

What I like about my relationship is that my guy loves me BECAUSE of who I have become, now in my 40s, whereas a lot of my friends who got married in 'young adulthood' just kind of put up with who their partners have become.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:29pm

Yes, I can see that.