Better to tell it straight

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Better to tell it straight
9
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:03am
OK, the guy that was sending me daily text messages? He's back. I guess he was trolling Match.com for me. I went on last night to send a couple emails per the 5 email requirement of the "Find someone in 6 months or get 6 months free" and he saw I was online so he sends me an email. Sigh.......... He says something like "Hey do you have more time to date this year? I see you're online." I just blocked him and didn't answer. I'd told him I was too busy to date (which WAS true) but most of it was he creeped me out with the daily text messages. So I should have just said in the first place that I didn't think we were a match but live and learn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 5:41pm
Hi, I use match.com as well. Dont forget that if someone sends you innappropriate or harrassing emails you can report them. If you blocked the guy.....good. Sounds like you wont have that issue anymore. And I definitely tell people when I dont thinks we are a a match.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:03am
Yes, I send the "we arent a good match" response ...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:32pm

Luckily he hasn't texted again. Since I blocked him on Match, I haven't heard from him. I don't think he was really freaky or stalker-ish or anything. Just very persistent. I wasn't really into him on initial contact, but kept it up because I didn't really have anything more interesting. The daily texts were much more annoying than scary. Just too much too soon for not having met yet.

Funny thing was, I met a guy friend of mine for a drink the other night. He's been doing Match on and off for a while. He had been communicating with a girl and in the few days before she met, she was sending him several texts a day, very much like this guy did to me. I don't know this guy very well - actually the friend of Small Peanut who moved to Dallas - as we've only met up a couple times. But as he was talking about this, I was saying things like "Wow! That would be so annoying to get all that before you met!" and such. The funny part is that HE liked it! He thought it was great that she was so communicative and excited about meeting him. But the thing was, they met and I guess once they met, she didn't feel that vibe. So he was very disappointed given her excitement and all. I tried to explain to him that in OLD, that all that communication before hand is 1) a bad idea and 2) doesn't mean a darn thing until you meet in person and see if that chemistry translates to real life. I think he was bummed out - he's a OLD newbie while I've been around the block a few times. But it was interesting to see the shoe on the other foot and also to see that there might be someone that actually LIKES all that. Wild.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:16pm

This isn't an OLD-related story, but what you just said about the guy liking all that calling and texting reminded me of my friend and her boyfriend that just broke up with her before Thanksgiving...when they were dating (and even now that they've broken up, though I don't know why), he was CONSTANTLY calling her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:09pm
It is definately strange and different to see what different people consider "smothering". I know my guy will tell me several times a day how much he loves me and that to me can get smothering at times. I really do appreciate his comments, I know they are genuine and I love him and am attracted to him so it's not like it's a turn off to me or anything but I did have to tell him last night to tone it down a bit because it can get very overwhelming for me. Different people show their interest/love in different ways and express it in different amounts. It's hard sometimes to find someone who expresses it in the exact same way and amounts that you do. I like to receive a lot of affection and loving statements compared to most people I know and I'm usually the one in the relationship saying it more often and being more affectionate but my boyfriend even tops me on this. I was thinking wow, I never thought someone could show it and say it more than me. It baffles me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:44pm
Just wondering, does anyone consider the constant calls &/or texting a sign of insecurity? That he/she's just looking for reassurance
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:22pm
I do think it can be insecurities definately. I know my boyfriend has some because of past rejections and he's admitted it to me and we've talked about it. He can text me quite a few times a day actually. He hasn't acted needy per say or he hasn't been demanding of me and when he doesn't get a call or text back from me he doesn't try to call or text again, he'll let it go. He's just an over-expresser of emotion and over-giver. I think it's because he missed hearing those things when he was in a past relationship and I think he wants to say all these things maybe expecting to hear it back. He's never demanded anything back from me but he did mention last night after I talked about feeling a little overwhelmed that he thinks he does it because those are the things he wants to hear and feel from others. But he also tells me his feelings are very genuine and he just wants to say those things because he feels so overjoyed that he met someone like me. How long have you been dating your man? I've been with mine for 3 months. Over texting and contacting a lot can be a definate sign of insecurity. Usually you can sense the insecurity and your intuition tells you even if the guy isn't admitting to it. Does he ever become demanding of your time or try to contact you several times if you aren't calling or texting him back?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:02am

It sounds like this guy who texted you all the time was either desperate in general

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 5:02pm
Ugh! That would drive me nuts!! And yes, I think that screams insecurity.

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