Blech

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Blech
15
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 10:40pm

I had some new matches on eH today. One requested communication and he seemed like a real Bible Beater - he listed the most influential person in his life as Jesus Christ and said that one of the 3 things he was most thankful for was "His Faith". I do not have anything against people who have such strong religious conviction, but it is definitely not me. But I looked at his multiple choice questions and this was the kicker. One of his was: How do you feel about premarital sex? and the choices were:

a) I am completely opposed to it
b) as long as marriage is imminent, it is okay
c) in the context of a loving relationship, it is okay
d) I accept sex as a natural part of dating

My response was a free form one that said I thought that this was something better discussed after two people had actually met because it was a very personal question. No surprise, he closed me! LOL. Not that I didn't want him to and not that I shouldn't have gone ahead and closed him myself on that question. I know that is a big thing for some people, but how rude to ask it right off the bat! That is a total turnoff for me regardless of which way his answer goes.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:09am

How funny Vexer! You said he closed you - is that like blocking? I don't have experience with eH. But I agree that that was a weird question to ask right away! Hey something has to make us laugh!

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 5:02am

I've always thought that people who are strongly drawn to any particular belief, be it religion or lifestyle, are far, far better off on niche sites than polluting the general dating services.

As someone who isn't terribly religiou one way or the other I'd have stopped reading after getting to his influences. Fine for him but it shows me he really should be on a different type of service that caters to people who are looking for that. I would have closed him with that as my justification,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 8:48am
My thoughts on this are that he would have closed anyone who answered anything other than A.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 8:50am

Yes, closing communication on eH is similar to blocking them. Basically, the 4 step communication process stops at that point and the person you close is prevented from having any additional contact with you. But honestly, that was perfectly fine with me!

lg, you are right. I do consider eH to be a more mainstream site although I know some people have gotten the impression that it is more Christian oriented. While I don't have a problem with it being "Christian oriented", I do have a problem when there are people out there like this that judge others and seem to feel superior because their religious belief and convictions. In the "one of the last books I read and enjoyed" section he listed a book about the Catholic faith and doctrines so I obviously knew how HE felt on the premarital sex issue! However, in my experience, Catholics are usually not so judgemental. Yes they tell you that pretty much you are going to you know where because you don't believe the same thing they do, but then they go on their merry way. Usually it is the Baptists that seem to be more judgemental around here! But maybe this guy couldn't handle the fact that I was already doomed to eternal damnation. But definitely agreed, he should be looking on a site that caters to Christians not one that will have a variety of all walks of life otherwise, he is going to meet with a lot of failure.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:37pm
Eeeewww!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:59pm

I don't think it's rude; it's something that is apparently important to him, so why shouldn't he get it out of the way right off the bat? It'd be like me asking someone if they smoke and cutting them off immediately if they do- I'm just not going to hang with a smoker, period.

I think you might be fooling yourself, though- eHarmony is definitely aimed at a niche audience, even though they advertise with a wider net.

eHarmony does advertise as being a more "mainstream" site, but they really do use a lot of "code words" intended on aiming themselves at a more devout, religious type of crowd. They don't do any male-male or female-female matching, because the founder, Dr Warren, thinks that homosexuality is immoral.

(They claim that they're not against gays, that they only don't match them because they "don't know anything about" that kind of relationship. I don't believe them a bit.)

In fact, Dr Warren has had books published by Focus on the Family, which is a fairly strict religious-based organization (think "Christian right"). He's very well connected in the evangelical Christian community, and they advertise there a LOT. And FoF is very anti-gay.

Which is great, if you happen to be a member of that group. Everyone needs a match, and they're certainly no exception. But I do think it'll lead to some conflicts from time to time, where someone who is pretty blunt about not wanting sex outside of marriage bumping up against someone who has a different viewpoint about it.

There's an interesting article at http://www.lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=1650&IssueNum=88 about some of the OLD services, especially eHarmony.

One final thing worth noting about eHarmony: They reject 20% of the people that fill out their questionaire as being "unmatchable". I don't know if that includes the homosexuals that accidentally go through that process, or if it's just that many people that are apparently too messed up a personality to be matched.

But can you imagine being told by a web site that you're unmatchable? Yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 2:33pm

Well, rude might not have been the best word, but "inappropriate" suffices. I personally think that at this point of the communciation, asking about a person's views on premarital sex is not... shall we say, kosher. I suppose if it is a dealbreaker whether or not your wife is a virgin, OK. But I sincerely doubt that he will find that on an OLD site except a niche Christian/very religious site. I would think he would have much better luck looking at church.

That is an interesting article. I had also heard that eH rejects 20% of the people that fill out their profile. I haven't met anyone yet but I think in one complaint email I had to them they mentioned that. I also knew that they did not offer same-sex matching but didn't realize they were so closed minded about it - I *love* that comment about "we just don't want to be involved in something we don't know anything about." I do believe that this is blatant discrimination and it makes me mad! And another quote I found interesting was the “What our research kept saying is if you find somebody whose intelligence is a lot like yours..., whose spirituality is a lot like yours..." saying that all these things make a more compatible couple. Well then why do they keep sending Bible Beater matches to me?!? LOL.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 3:06pm
Great article, NGOL. Thanks for posting the link.
I thought everyone knew about EH's religious bent, but apparently not. I guess they're trying to keep that quiet now, especially with all the competition and falloff in OLD popularity.
During the brief time I was on EH, my "matches" included several bible thumpers. Not my thing at all, which really made me question the whole scientific matching claim.
And I have heard about people being rejected by EH. Can you imagine?!! Why don't they just send you a "LOSER" sticker for your forehead?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 10:55am

How did you come across this guy as a match anyway?? You're more patient than I... as soon as I see Jesus as the most influencial etc., boo... I go NEXT. Nothing against religious crowd, I am just not.

I emailed back and forth with a guy in another state long time ago and purchased a ticket to go see him. He was really sweet, nice, and we were looking forward to seeing each other. One day before going to see him, we started talking about religions on the phone, and turned out that he was a devoted Christian. It was o.k. with me. I said, "I am not Christian but I'm spiritual. Does that bug you?" He right away insisted on me getting refund of the ticket and paid 50% of the airfare like after two weeks. great.

He was just screening you if you matched his criteria. yea, you should have said you loved sex so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 11:09am

FWIW, I think that talking about spirituality/religion is a biggie when you're fairly early in a relationship. It's one of the main areas that people can have conflicts, along with money and sex.

I think that EH has a lot more people on it for whom religion is important; if it's not important for someone, EH is probably not the best site for them.

Pages