Blind Date Set-Ups

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Blind Date Set-Ups
10
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 2:46pm

Maybe I'm really getting desperate (maybe not), but I've reluctantly agreed to meet another "friend" of a good friend on a set-up deal. This is the good friend who set me up with her brother-in-law who turned out to look NOTHING like her good-looking husband and had zero in common with me and zero attraction. It was that dismal experience that got me to seriously consider OLD. I really doubt that I would have ever put a profile online if it had not been for that disastrous blind date in April.

Fast forward 6 months, and now I've gone out with several guys from online meets. To date, only ONE seems like a viable candidate, and his job and lifestyle will prevent us from seeing each other as often as I would like. However, if there's a will, there is a way. I can't forget him at this point anyway.

However, I just got a call from my good friend who again wants me to meet this friend of hers. (This is the third time she's mentioned this.) He's 50, and I'm 45. Remember my feelings about how old some of these men look when they hit 50 and beyond. Keep in mind that I can pass for 35 - 40 quite easily and have never been attracted whatsoever by older looking men. My friend claims that he doesn't look that old at all and thinks we might hit it off. She is giving him my phone number, and I guess it won't hurt to talk to him, but I'm still reluctant to do another blind date deal. I also HATE the awkwardness after such encounters when you have to tell the person who set it up that they "just weren't my type". At the same time, I hate to hurt my friend's feelings by saying no to this one just because the last one didn't work out. Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 3:52pm

Well hopefully if it's the same friend who hooked you up the last time; you told her basically what you didn't like about the guy; that possibly she has picked a better guy! I say go for it -- regardless of the outcome. I wish more of my friends would set me up -- oh yeah, forgot, most of my friends are single too! (smile)

Keep an open mind and being receptive to meeting new people. If anything else jumps off, then that's a bonus!!

Stack em up!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 5:19pm
You know, we all seem to say we look much younger than our years!
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 5:56pm

I am in the same position. I am 45 and am always told I look to be between 32-36. I have always liked to date guys a few years younger so 50 seems old to me....lol.

Seriously, though, it won't hurt to meet him. You could be missing out on a chance of a lifetime and if he's not your type, it's only one date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: mitsy2
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 2:46pm
Well, this guy called me last night on the phone. From his background, it doesn't sound like he and I have a lot in common. Maybe going out with someone who is "50" sounds a bit scarry. I also have no idea what the guy looks like. The last blind date guy was so unattractive to me, that I found myself not even wanting to sit next to him at the restaurant. I do not want another bad blind date. Maybe that is why OLD doesn't seem like any worse gamble than blind dates set up by other people. Most generally, you have seen at least a picture of the person when you've talked online. I personally would never agree to meet an online date without knowing what he looked like. Maybe that sounds shallow, but looks do matter. This blind date deal will happen the weekend of Nov. 11, so I will have to keep you posted. But, I'm already trying to figure out what I'll say to my friend if this one is not a match either. :0
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: mitsy2
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 3:19pm

It's good you are giving it a chance. You never know and besides, it's only a couple hours out of your life and it can't be any worse than an OLD date that you have nothing in common with.

And no, it's not shallow to want to be physically attracted to someone! We all have our preferences and what we find attrative, you shouldn't feel like you should settle for less.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: mitsy2
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 12:04pm

Well, my blind date took place last night. The guy came by the store (where I work part-time) on Fri. night to introduce himself (and probably check me out). He seemed nice enough and the fact that I met him before the actual date made it a little less nerving to deal with.

My friend and her husband, who were going to meet us, showed up with her toddler daughter (which I knew about) but not with her husband. Apparently, they'd had an argument or something earlier that day. I felt bad for my friend but was glad she came anyway. We ate our meal and then the daughter got fussy. I stayed and talked to the guy for a while, and while he was easy enough to talk to, I must admit I felt NO attraction whatsoever for the guy. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I don't honestly care one way or another if I ever see him again.

He lives about 3 hours away and gets back up this way 3-4 times a year, so the distance factor would be there even if I was real interested in him. I would consider going out with him if my friend and her husband went, but I would not look forward to an evening with just the 2 of us. Although this wasn't as bad as the last blind double date, I can't say that it was great either.

Have any of the rest of you had a situation like this one? Where the guy was just "ok" but nothing more? If I had to say one way or another, I'd say that we are just not a match. I'm back to thinking that most blind dates are a complete waste of time, but I have heard stories where people have met their husband/wife through a blind date set-up. So far, it has never worked out for me. Some have been much worse than others. :0

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: mitsy2
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:03pm
I am right there with you mitsy. The guy I met last Monday is a nice guy - nothing wrong with him other than I am just not at all attracted to him in the slightest, teensiest, minutest degree and I don't see that changing. I have been trying to convince myself that I need to give it one more chance since he is a nice guy. But the more it goes on, the more I don't want to. I can tell that he is WAY more into me than I am into him and I don't want to give him other ideas when I think I pretty much have it in my head that it ain't gonna happen. I think ones like this are the toughest. There is nothing wrong with the person other than the fact that they aren't the one for you.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: mitsy2
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 9:04pm

To your original point, though, Mitsy, you should never turn down an opportunity to meet someone that a friend is trying to fix you up with because you fear he may be too old/short/fat/uneducated... whatever your criteria may be.

Dating is just that -- you have to suffer through the bad ones to get to the good one.

If you're interested in finding someone, then you have to ante up and play the game and go on the blind dates.

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 2:38pm

I actually agree that you never know WHEN you might be set up with someone really great. That is why I relented to meeting the guy.

I had a lengthy discussion with a friend of mine this morning on this issue about attraction, spark, and if you should judge someone so quickly after one meeting. I was quite adament with her (as I was here on the board) about believing that blind date guy was not a match for me because I had absolutely no attraction for him whatsoever. Our debate consisted of her telling me that it took SEVERAL dates to KNOW if someone was not a match. However, I believe that most people know much sooner than that. For me, as I said earlier, if there is no physical attraction, that isn't likely to come later on.

I believe if you lead a guy to think that you are "more" interested than you really are, then that is being dishonest. That is no better than what Guy #2 did to me with the phone calls everyday, passionate kisses and overall attention/affection. He did all that and then "changed his mind" by date #3. I think it's wrong to hornswaggle someone into believing you're really "into" them when you aren't. In Guy #2's case, I think he was into me until I returned some of his interest/affection. Then he had second thoughts. Either way, it's wrong for me to go on a date with someone (let him buy dinner, etc.) that I don't have a little bit of chemistry with. My older and usually "wiser" friend disagreed with me.

Am I all wrong on my thinking here? Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 9:45pm
I don't think you're wrong mitsy. I recently had a similar experience with a really nice guy that I just didn't feel any attraction to. He was a nice looking guy but physically not what I'm normally attracted to. I prefer guys who are taller than me with a bit of substance to their build.
I went out with him a couple of times because I really did like him and I thought that maybe the chemistry would emerge. I looked so hard for any sign of that internal stirring as I'd sit across the table talking to him and NOTHING. In fact on our last (third) date I started noticing the more irritating things about him. I just couldn't see the point in going on with it. I was forcing myself to travel too far outside my box and it wasn't right. I know within the first date whether or not I'll ever want to kiss the guy. That's my criteria and I'm sticking to it!
Chele
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