Blow off confusion

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Blow off confusion
20
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 9:57pm

Hi!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 11:59am

Hi Sunshine-


Thanks for the nice email.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 12:45pm

Hi Sparkle,

Yes OLD can be annoying, but then meeting someone in real life can be annoying also - both take time and energy to do. But for me OLD works well as I don't really have time to go out and meet guys much, plus I'm not a big bar person.

When people on here give you advice, they are going from their own experiences and what has and hasn't worked for them, but that doesn't mean it will be totally for you. In the end we all have to do what we think is right.

Yes it does sound like your guy wants you to call him now. He was being considerate in not wanting to bother you at work by calling you there. Maybe before you call him, jot down a few things you could ask him to keep the conversation flowing for a little while - maybe how his trip went, if he's enjoying his day off, etc. That way you might feel more comfortable in calling him.

Good luck Sparkle, I know it can be nerve-racking sometimes with OLD.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:02pm

Hey sparkle! Good to see you back! I wonder about some of the folks that drift away! Glad to hear things are going well for you even if it is confusing! I agree - I think dating and relationships in general are confusing - not just OLD, but you know how that is.

I agree that this guy put it back on you. It sounds like he just wants to make sure he is not bothering you or interfering with work. He may not know that you don't have your phone on at work or that leaving a message would be OK. Just give him a call when you have some free time. No big deal. He might be trying to gauge your interest level too or see if you have lost interest or found someone else while he was away even if it is only a couple of days. But all this isn't exclusive to OLD - it is just the crazy ways of dating and relationships. Good luck - give him a call! Let us know how it goes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:14pm

i agree we are just posting our experiences.

I will say I have done both, in the beginning the first guy I met through OLD last year , we emailed for six weeks back and forth. we got very attached lets say.. but he was just as inexperienced as i was on OLD and i know for sure he was not talking to anyone else..

so we met, and let me tell you it was disappointing in the least... i cried all the way home.. have i ever done tht again NOPE!!! the reason being is i developed this fantasy of what he looked like, how he would act in person , by the way he wrote and talked.. but in by no means is this always reflective of them in person.. it is hard not to do this. we all dream up these things in our head if we haven't met them yet.

so after tht experience i now try to email less frequently and over a shorter period of time maybe like 2 weeks then take it to phone a couple of time, but short conversations and then if i get no date, i am out of there..

I think you can find a balance.. I don't think one email and one call. i believe a few emails and 2 calls is enough, as it is we are busy and we are online to meet people not just to type behind a computer.. and now that i have learned I am sure the men have learned as well, meaning that they could be doing this to keep you on the back burner while they date 5 other girls.. fine if they want to do that but I wont be sitting here waitng for you to ask me out..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:39pm

Hi Sparkle,

It's good to see you back and posting on the board.

I can sympathize with you about OLD. If I had to grade my total experience I would give it a D, maybe a D+. It can be horribly frustrating most of the time, but on the positive side, at least we are trying.

I'm glad this guy did call you back. Keep us updated on how things are going. It sounds to me like he just may be very busy with work, etc.

As far as the question that was brought up in this thread -- I have to say I'm in the "meet as soon as possible camp". It's true, expectations can get really high if you wait too long, but I think the primary reason that you should meet ASAP is to avoid wasting time on people who are not serious about it all. After all, the reason I'm on a OLD site is to meet people.

I once contacted a girl and we started emailing. After a week I sent her my phone number to which she replied "Let's email a little while more before talking". So, we did. When we finally did talk on the phone, she would not commit to a date, saying she thought we should "get to know each other better". In the end it was just a big waste of time. If she was not willing to actually meet, why would she be doing OLD at all? I just think the people who end up ghosting are *generally* the people who will go on emailing for a long time. I'm to the point now where I will just ask about talking on the phone after one email, and the first time we talk I ask about meeting. If they think I'm moving too fast, then so be it.

Sparkle, I hope you don't feel like everyone thinks you're wrong for doing things your way. Everyone has a different style, and you should do what works for you. I think everyone is just sharing their experiences in hopes that it may help in some way.

Good luck and don't be a stranger. :-)

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 2:52pm

Another update- I didn't call him because I thought he should try to call me since he hadn't yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 9:55pm

I just got off the phone with him after a 45 minute call.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 7:28am

Hi sparkle!


I'm so glad he finally called and that it went well to boot... :) Definitely keep us updated after the drink... I'm crossing my fingers and toes for you...


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 3:09pm

"One general comment I'd like to make to everyone

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 9:40pm

Thanks to you 2 new CL's and for your support.

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