Book Learning?
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Book Learning?
| Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:55am |
We see so many posts about self help/advice books like HJNTIY, He's scared/She's scared, The Rules, etc., that I get the feeling that people rely too much on sticking too much to what these authors dictate, rather than relying on their own common sense.
For those of you who are fans of these kinds of books - don't you think you've in a way got your head buried in the sand - instead of paying attention to the world around you, picking up on external cues, and then doing a little self analysis, you lock yourself into the dictates of someone who's just out to make a buck on others' insecurities?
What's the draw of these books? I don't get it.


Because some people don't HAVE any common sense when they're all caught up in emotional drama!
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That's what my friends (and this board) are for - they have a vested interest in what's best for me (even if it's hard for me to hear) and don't cost a penny.
Well, I happen to have just run out to the library and got the book "I can't Believe I'm buying this Book" a guide to online dating.
Most people like myself read them to confirm what we already know.
I don't follow them like the bible, but like I said they are confirmation. I also read them because I am a voracious reader (5/6 books a month). I'll read just about anything...LOL
Selfish-help books? LOL
I read various books to get new ideas, a new way of looking at things. I will take out of them what I feel makes sense. As an avid reader of all kinds of books/newspapers etc. I would never begrduge anyone from making money from their efforts. It's not about them, but about what I get out of my purchases.
HJNTIY (did I forget any letters?) needed to be written and needed to be read by women all over. Yes it's simple common sense as far as I'm concerned. But I grew up around men, so what was written was no big mystery-solved for me. And I was raised by a great lady, so I happen to have a spine.
I am also an office worker and have spent the last 30 years working with women and hearing the same old same old gripes about men. I've said some radical things (like take some responsibility for your life?? like don't make your guy the enemy??) and received blank stares.
I admire anyone who recognizes what isn't working for them and then seeks out a way to improve their lives, however they do that.
Having said all the above, I do have an acquaintance (nobody anyone here knows) who is so "well-read" that she's impossible to talk to! She is so self-aware that she forgets what it's like to have silly, human, reactions. In other words, no venting to her allowed.
I totally agree. I grab a bunch of titles that basically reflect what I'm already thinking but usually tend to articulate it better than I could. They also help me get some more insight to things as well.
There was one thing in HJNTIY that I'll never forget. It was in the chapter HJNTIY If He's Breaking Up With You. It's something like (I didn't buy it so I'm paraphrasing)... "don't ever forget that this is a guy who looked into your beautiful face, after assessing all of your qualities, and told you that he no longer wanted your company." I mean, how dead on is that? I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to say that to so many posts here.
Chele
I agree with you to some extent. I have read a few of these books and found them to make a lot of going points HOWEVER I do notice in general that too many women place rules and timelines that may prevent them from being in a happy healthy relationship as well as always looking for red flags right away. Look, you probably will find red flags with all of us including you and I but if your so busy worrying some guy or gal is going to be a bad seed chances are they will.
With that said, I also agree with taking your time getting to know someone which is not translated to looking for red flags and waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's no way to go into a relationship. Just because you meet someone and things are good why be so cynical that you have to worry that your head is clouded because you have a nice buzz from meeting someone new that you finally click with or what have you make sense? Plus we really do way overanalyze I notice too on this board, even with reading add's and the selection people start reading into every little comment as if it's some big underlying character flaw we have yet to discover.
If you read these books and I do from time to time remember in the end you must rely on good fashioned common sense and have fun, what's the point if your worried all the time? Sometimes we get a good one and sometimes we don't, that's dating and if you can't handle it then don't date.
SP
I'm pretty much with with you on this in that I think people take them too literally. There should always be room for interpretation. However, I do feel they offer some good guidelines.
Sometime ago, Sheri recommended "A Fime Romance" to me. It's been a big help to me as I navigate my way through my current r'ship. It's a brave new world out there.
I'm currently reading a chapter on "Negotiations" as I have some serious talkin' to do with that man of mine. My late husband and I very rarely "negotiated". We just had good old fashioned arguing! LOL