Bored with men online

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Bored with men online
2
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:53pm

Is anyone else bored with men they are meeting online? The ones I get acquainted with in my age group (I am 46 and I date men from 38 to 50) all want to just e-mail and not call. It is like they are trying to stay detached. They post they want a relationship but this "detachment" they do makes me think that they are not wanting a relationship at all, but maybe just a couple of dates. If they stay detached and not call we don't get to know them at all and they don't get to know us.

I get acquainted with men online, we talk, chat for awhile, they ask me out and I don't say yes until I am comfortable with them. Once I think I am comfortable enough to go out they dance around the subject and ask me my schedule, tell me theirs and then they don't ever pin point "the date".

I am so frustrated, bored, dismayed...am I the only one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 6:24am

No, you're not! A lot of people, not just men will hedge around meeting for whatever reason. And it's not always a negative reason, sometimes they're just nervous.


But you can't change them, only you. So what I suggest is you take the initiative and pinpoint the date. If you feel it's taking too long to get to the first meet, then suggest meeting. At least this way, there will be no excuses. :o)


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:46am

Trust me, I understand what you are saying! I'm 45 and am going through the same thing. I was on a whirl several weeks ago meeting men and two I actually clicked with; but NONE of these guys have been consistent with calling and/or making dates. Even now, I get an email or brief telephone call asking how I'm doing (as if they are just checking in) and then weeks go by nothing.

I just believe the guys I met have other things going on or are not really interested in cultivating a relationship. Also I have gfs who do online dating, and some have offered men to move in with them; sex on the first date when these same men have stood them up twice before; will do all the calling and initiating of dates; pay for the dates; so it seems that some of the men acquainted with OLD feel as if there are desperate and lonely women online and want the women who make things real easy for them.

That's why when I read so many posts on this board about women initiating and making the dates; women giving 2nd and 3rd chances; having sex on the first encounter; 5-8 hours spent on the first encounter; I can understand the level of frustration.

Things I've done to decrease my frustration are: don't chat for long periods of time before meeting; don't extend my meet and greets past an hour; nor do I have sex or kiss on the first encounter; because as of lately a lot of guys are not interested in cultivating a relationship; but are just looking for a quick fix! Sometimes when it comes to meeting, I may hint at meeting, but if they don't take the bait and prefer to continue emailing, I close them. I think personally, that I use to put a lot of time into OLD expecting results and it never happened. I no longer have to date 20 guys in two weeks to find one.

Possibly you can take a break and look at trying to do some things differently in regards to OLD to decrease your level of frustration, boredom or dismay.




Edited 3/22/2006 10:05 am ET by tstephnic