Boyfriend Calling Himself "Single"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Boyfriend Calling Himself "Single"
18
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 12:26pm

So I've been dating this guy for 3 months now and we get along quite well. We had our "let's be exclusive" talk well into the beginning of the relationship, I've met his coworkers, friends and family, they all know I'm his girlfriend.

Anyway, I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with that "Friendster" site, but that is basically a site where you can connect with your friends, etc, I use a similar one like that too and found loads of my childhood friends in it.

So yesterday I got a voice mail from him and one of the things he asked was if I knew how to add schools in it. I went online to look at it, as I had a profile there as well, and saw that in his profile he had himself as "single". The options are "Single" "In a relationship" "Domestic Partner" and "Married". He obviously knew I was going to look at his profile, and I also invited him to be my "friend", so there is no question I saw it. I have also just updated my profile as well to say I was "In a relationship" (I hadn't been there in well over 6 months). I haven't mentioned anything about the "Single" part to him, but what do you guys think? Do you think I have reasons to worry or concern, considering he added his profile yesterday? I also wonder whether he'll change his profile to say he's "In a relationship" once he sees mine... It just upsets me that he is listing himself as single, even though he is not there to date, he will still be getting in touch with friends (possibly exes too) he hasn't seen in years.

Am I making too much of a big deal here? For now I have decided not to mention anything, but should I say something?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 3:15pm
My ex-boyfriend NEVER told me when I did something that bothered him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 3:20pm

Exactly. I’d rather have a few arguments along the way then one that nearly destroys your relationship – it’s how you learn about each other – what’s important to you, works for you or doesn’t.

The Small Peanut

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 3:24pm

Are you absolutely and without a doubt sure that you're both on the same page in your relationship? Does he actually use the word "girlfriend" when he talks about you or introduces you to people? If yes - then this probably really isn't that big of a deal .


That said, if you are definitely on the same page - in order for this to continue to be an ongoing healthy and open relationship you'll have to talk to him about this. You can't let it fester inside of you as it's obviously something that's important to you.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 3:31pm

"Are you absolutely and without a doubt sure that you're both on the same page in your relationship? Does he actually use the word "girlfriend" when he talks about you or introduces you to people?"

Yes in both the questions... He's the one I mentioned before who's moving out of the country for two years a couple of months from now. We have talked a lot about what we're going to do then, and even though no decision has been made (after all, a lot can happen in a couple of months), for the time being, we are, no doubt, in a relationship, he acts like it in every other way, hence my surprise when he chose "single" on his profile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 3:52pm

>>This whole thing bothers me, but I'm just not sure if it's worth risking making the two of us upset for something that at the end of the day is really not that big of a deal, it's not like he acts like he's single.<<

Forgive me, but this is such a female response, and it's SO DUMB.

It's obviously bothering you right now! Just ask him already! Why are you even talking to US about it- we're not the ones who did it or are bothered by it.

It's not stuff like this that breaks people up; it's the inability to TALK about stuff like this that does it. He might have not thought about it, or he might think "in a relationship" means something more than what you guys have (like being engaged or promised or something).

You're placing all this importance upon it and you have NO CLUE what he's thinking or how much it matters to him.

I can tell you as a guy that he probably didn't give this more than a few seconds' thought, and it's been bugging you for a couple of DAYS now.

So quit talking to us about it (because we can't do diddly about it) and go talk to him about it! GRRRR! I'm getting ticked off just because the answer to your situation is so blatantly obvious that nobody should have to point it out!

I mean, look at the answers in here- whether via email or phone call or in person, almost EVERYONE has said "talk to him about it". You've decided to argue with this common-sense, basic advice that EVERYONE is giving you.

Why bother asking us if you're going to tell us to go fly a kite anyway?

GRRRRR. Just talk to him about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 4:27pm

I agree with those who said to talk to him about it (and in person, not over email).


I read your post as questioning whether your feelings are valid or not, as if you feel that you can only tell him that you are bothered by this if your feelings are objectively valid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 5:34pm

I remember your original post about this fellow and knew I would hear from you again.

He is leaving the country in 2 months, with no plans to take you with him. You are in an exclusive relationship only insofar as you agreed not to see anyone else while he remained in the U.S. He is technically single. Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:54pm

If he's leaving the country in a few months for TWO YEARS, you might want to change YOUR profile to read "single."

Tracy

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