Broken heart but I'll be ok!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Broken heart but I'll be ok!
39
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 3:48am

Hi everyone, (LONG READ)


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:01pm

Lil Nut!

I think your attitude is Fantastic! I hope you remain strong. I see so much of myself in you. I am a little more crass at times..but basically I am a very optimistic and bubbly person. Keep up the faith...and as cliche' it sounds...he was just not the one for you.

I wish you the best.

Your OLD Friend..

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:05pm

As you know, I'm in recovery and don't drink any more, so I have *some* familiarity with this subject ;-).

To me, what label you put on it doesn't really matter...the real issue is, does drinking affect his quality of life (or if you're in a r'ship with someone, does it affect YOUR quality of life)? If he consistently chose to drink with friends over spending time with you, then it definitely affected your r'ship, so whether he's an alcoholic or a binge drinker doesn't really matter. Also, male friends can (and do) spend time together without drinking (or with only having a couple drinks)...that is just an excuse to justify his drinking (which is another sign that he has a problem with alcohol).

My last LTR ex (the one from 8 years ago) definitely had (and continues to have) issues with alcohol. Is he an alcoholic? Who knows? What mattered to me is that he chose to spend a fair amount of his evenings getting drunk and that wasn't how I wanted to spend my time.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:58pm

"Also, male friends can (and do) spend time together without drinking (or with only having a couple drinks)."


So true!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 5:22pm

This isn't really intended for you CGUN.

Now we've got this guy pegged as an alcoholic or binge drinker? There's two sides to every story. I'm just not buying he's all that bad a drinker. And if the signs were so bad that he was, why stay 6 months?

They weren't on the same page is all. And luckily not too much time was wasted for either party. I hope they move onward and upward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 5:24pm

No, you misunderstood. He said a month from now, who knows, HE might come crawling back to me.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 6:48pm

Hey Peanut,

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out.

I do think you have a great perspective on things, however, in being able to see the positive side of the issue. I think that attitude will go a long way in helping you through a tough time like this.

Good luck. :-)

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:14pm
Oh Peanut, I am so sorry about this. If you ever need to talk about this - we are here for you! At this point I wouldn't analyze anything he told you because most likely he was just looking for excuses to discontinue the relationship. As I was reading your post it was all too familiar to me. I have heard all of it from my ex - he felt like he was home but than we didn't have enough similar interests.. Go figure. Good thing is - you seem to have a good handle on things. I say it is probably for better. A year ago I though my life crushed and I couldn't breathe but I am well and on my way now..
Hang on there brave Peanut!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:25pm
I am sorry to hear it's over. But once again you have a fantastic attitude. The Peanut will not be down for long. Keep your chin up. Maybe you will catch the eye of the right guy that way.

Michele

Michele
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 10:42am

Hey, SP -

I know it's relatively difficult to learn from others' mistakes, but I was married to a guy very much like yours for eleven years.

One Sunday, shortly after my 40th birthday, I was in a dark lakeside bar with my ex-husband and his ubiquitous drinking buddies on a gorgeous sunny day, surrounded by the same people we'd been out with the night before, and the weekend before, and the month before and the six moths before that ... and when someone complained that the blinds should be drawn because the sun was too bright, I had a flash where I realized that THIS was what I was going to be doing on beautiful sunny Sundays for the rest of my life. And it was not AT ALL what I wanted.

If he was taking you down that path, be thankful that you found out NOW.

Your strength and self-confidence are fabulous, but if you feel yourself wavering, check out the Breaking Up message boards (I don't know if Sheri still posts there, but she pretty much healed my broken heart when I was going through a bad breakup last summer).

And if you REALLY get down, just think about how you never again have to deal with an overflowing barrel full o'CRICKETS or lizards lounging in the tub!!!!!

Take care, sweetie -

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 8:56pm

Ah, thank you for the nice words and your own personal unfortunate experience.


Who knows for sure whether that is the path we would have gone down had I stayed with him but probably.