Brought to tears...
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| Mon, 02-21-2005 - 2:51am |
Okay, well its finally happened ! The "nasty grams" have finally gotten the best of me and I am literally in tears as I write this post.
Just got off of working 2nd shift at the hospital, had a 45 min. ride home, after arriving home I thought I would quick log on to check my OLD correspondence. I am minding my own business right and while I'm online I get an email from not a nice person (I'm trying to be polite now). A guy sends me an email totally attacking / ripping on some info that I had in my profile. The guy was accusing me of being a phoney etc.
Part of me wanted to respond back with a quick line like "i'm sorry to see that you must have been abused as a child". I didn't do that/give into that urge though, because I thought I am not even going to lower myself to this creep's level.
I'm in tears right now because all the things that I wrote when I created my profile are all true about me and I would add when I created my profile I was very genuine and sincere about the info that I had listed etc.
In a previous post,some of you may recall that I had mentioned that I was receiving nasty grams then already etc. . However, I can only take so much before my spirit feels the 'immense punch'.
I don't understand why I am receiving so much 'hate' mail ?
I've now had to set my profile back to Not visible just to avoid getting these types of hurtful emails. Sorry that I'm crying online to you all, but I've only been on the Match OLD site for just shy of 2 weeks and I never would have thought that participating in OLD activities would result in receiving mentally abusive correspondence such as what I have received thus far. Worst part is I paid for a 3 month membership. Now what ?

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I'm also blown away that anyone would be so rude as to call you on anything in your profile. You seem very articulate, intelligent, well bred and like a lovely person! I will agree that you probably are too sophisticated for the men in your area but that is no reason to be insulting.
Not to rehash unpleasantness, but do you mind if I ask what he was questioning? If you don't want to talk about it, I perfectly understand.
Also, I do remember the not sending a response vs. sending one discussion we had. Hmm, well, I still really, really don't like those auto-replies of Match's but you might try a few and see how that goes. Not that they deserve any more explanation than a non-reply, but I can see things being different in different areas. I personally would rather just get nothing than a "thanks but no thanks" but as we all know, to each his own on that and there are differing opinions.
I agree with the other comments that have been made thus far. I don't see anything in your profile that warrants a nasty response. I do agree that your writing style has an air of sophistication that is rarely seen online . You're also very attractive - and IMO - look much younger than your age. I suspect that the men who send you the nastygrams are lashing out b/c in their eyes, you are attractive and appealing - but they probably feel that they wouldn't have a chance with you. You might be the epitome of the type of woman they want but have never been able to have. Or maybe you remind them of someone specific they know or knew once in real life - someone with whom they've had a negative experience - and they're projecting their feelings onto you. I also agree that your username might give a false impression. At first, like someone else here, I also saw cash & pearls - but even cashmere & pearls - right or wrong - seems to connote "high maintainance."
Anyhow, I really don't know what you could do to change some people's reactions to your profile. But I hope that you will develop the strength to try and
H there,
Everyone has offered some great support when answering your post. You can't let these small minded jerks get the best of you. There is a certain amount of freedom in anonimity, and you will find that people will behave one way online that they never would in person. You can't take these things to heart because no matter how great your profile is you can still recieve nasty replies.
For example: this is a reply I recently received to an ad I had up. I mentioned in my ad that I was of mixed ethnicity and that I had no "hangups about race", look how much time this jerk wasted on me.
<<<<
Dont be jealous of people who are one race,something you can never be. Also please only date your own people.Remember,"Misery loves Company",lol >>>>>>
Some people are just hateful and ignorant, and you can meet them everywhere, online or offline. Just keep your chin up!
Hope you feel better :)
GM
I noticed that some of you thought/felt that my username possibly needed some rethinking.
So in response, I thought I would try to bring some clarity as to why I chose that username for myself. I love my cashmere sweaters, they're comfortable & soft to be sure and a big part of my standard wardrobe. As for the pearls, all I can say is that they are perhaps the most beautiful thing that comes from mother nature :) and I absolutely treasure the strand that has been handed down to me from Grandmother, they represent alot of love.
NGOL, you had asked how many of these types of emails I receive. To answer, I've received 7 in less than a 2 week period.
You also asked, Why does it bother me so, when people who I don't even know attack my character ?
To answer, firstly, I was raised under the family values that kindness, respect and integrity are important in our daily interactions with others.
Secondly, due to nature of my work, I deal with life and death siuations on a daily basis and in those situations & interactions I am totally there for the people that I take care of as well as their family members. I treat people with respect and make sure that their dignity is acknowledged. If theres anyone else out there who is in the nursing field, they will surely be able to relate to where I am coming from.
So, in any event, its just hurtful when you receive correspondence that states, you are a "phoney" or that you are a "tramp" etc.
The principle is simple really, Be respectful of others :)
Anyways, hope that brings some clarity to some of the questions and observations that were brought up throughout these threads.
CL-hoover, if you could please let me know where my typos are :)
Also, thanks again to everybody for taking their time to critique my profile as well as providing your OLD support. You folks are all very special people ! LM
Here's the thing about your username- to YOU, it makes sense. But you're not writing your profile for you; you're writing it for this other audience.
Hence, it's worth rethinking (along with everything in a profile) if you're not getting the response from it that you desire. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to run you down for your choices; I like how cashmere feels too. :)
I think all people are saying is that what you believe is clear in your username might be coming across very differently to someone else, and therefore it's worth consideration. It is very easy for us to forget that what might be perfectly clear or harmless to us is being taken very differently by someone else.
I agree with NGOL regarding the username. Yes, it makes perfect sense to YOU, but to someone online who doesn't know you, it could have the effect of making them think you are a snob. Of course, I personally would not let that bother me, but since it does affect you quite a lot, anything you can possibly do to reduce the number of nasty-grams you get might help, ya know?
And as for taking the nasty-grams personally, you can be the way you are all you want (and how you are is admirable), but you simply cannot control how other people act, and you can't take it personally, because their bad behavior is MUCH more about them than it is about you. I mean, really, what sick, sad kind of person sends one of those???? Feel sorry for them if you feel anything, but don't allow their pathetic personalities to get to you.
Sheri
So sorry about your trouble with the nasty grams.
>>Someone told me that Preparation H really worked wonders. I tried it once. It made my eyes smell!<<
Um... exactly WHAT did your eyes smell like?
:)
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