The 'busy' emailer

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
The 'busy' emailer
3
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 8:43pm

I've been on YP for a month. I have had about 4 round trip emails with the one man I am interested in. He seems to be always busy but very enthusiastic about getting to know me. He has made no reference to phoning or meeting but to be honest, he was out of town a week and so was I so it just wasn't possible. Our emails are chatty and not really deep which is fine with me. It does seem though that I have revealed a lot more information about myself than he has about himself. In one email I talked about what I do for a living and asked him what he does. He didn't respond. I didn't think that was that personal, do you? I feel like he hasn't opened up as much to me as I have to him in just these casual emails. I am feeling like pulling back until he comes up with a little more.

I would rather be more intimate if I decide after meeting in person that we should go deeper. What bothers me is that I feel like we are not making any progress and I am starting to lose interest. If he were that interested, wouldn't he pursue this a little more diligently? Wouldn't he reveal a little more about himself? I am pretty sure he is on the up and up but can't figure out why this just seems to be stuck at one level?

Should I make a move to the phone or suggest meeting and see if I can move this along? I am not really interested in a pen pal. I feel if we met in person, we would have more of a dialogue than what we have now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:18am
Sounds like someone who is new to the idea of online dating. I am guessing he is wanting to give it a try but something about the almost blind date that comes from online dating seems a little strange to him. With the guy I am currently dating it took almost 2 months to get to our first date and I had to ask. I would say go ahead and ask him out, but be aware if he's new to the idea of online dating he will want some kind of security. Give him your phone number and let him call you. Suggest meeting in a public place. You get the idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:27am

I can tell you this, if you pony up your phone number and say something along the lines of "Hey, though I've been enjoying our email exchanges, I really do prefer getting to know someone over the phone/in person" and doesn't take you up (with some enthusiasm) on your offer, you'll know in a hurry what to do next.

In all fairness, he could very well be serious about getting to know you better, and may be playing it safe/cautious, but the problem with emailing too long (Personally, I keep it to a bare minimum- say two or three brief emails before moving it to the phone) is just what you described: One or both of you loses interest.

Dang, I sure would. Especially if he isn't being as open as you are with him. One sided-ness is not very intriguing.

I'd drop him the hint, therby putting the ball in his court...and disappear if he proceeds to keep emailing. Sooner or later, he'll learn his lesson :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 11:20pm

How about something like this:

Hi ______ ,

Why don't you just give me a call in the future when you would like to set something up (or have a brief chat with me on the phone). Here's my number (cell #)
Have a great week. :)

(friendly, but to the point)