Calling...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Calling...?
7
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 9:53pm

Hi, I am new here. I am divorced and out of a LT relationship last fall which I got into immediately after I left my husband. I am now online. It has been so long since I started a new normal relationship that I have no idea of what a normal start to a relationship is. I could use some imput. In the end of Febuary this guy winked me and then after a couple of emails, we went out. Since then we have gone out on a weekend night 2x more (last date was Friday night). Each week he calls on Tuesday and asks me out for the upcoming weekend. We have a fun date but there is no contact except for arranging the next date and then nothing till I see him. I realize this has only been three weeks so far and for now, I am okay with everything. naturally though, I am analyzing it to death. When does a weekly date progress into more like calling someone to say hi and see how they are doing? I cannot read him and tell if he is into me and just acting cool or just looking for someone to occupy his weekend. He did take his profile down after our first date. Any imput?

Ivy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 11:38pm

Personally, I would like a start like that...it sounds like a nice, slow, healthy, appropriate pace to me. I wouldn't really expect or want a guy to call more often in the beginning or date more than once a week, but after about 4-6 weeks, I'd hope that it would step up a bit to 2 dates a week and maybe a phone call or two other than those setting up the dates.

Of course, if you are the type of person who wants/needs a lot of phone calls right off the bat, then the two of you just might not be a good fit.

Do you know what type of relationship he's looking for in general (either from his profile or from your talks)? That would be helpful information.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 4:03pm

Welcome to the board!


While I think taking the profile down after one date is jumping the gun a bit, it sounds like he is taking things slow and keeping it simple.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 4:10pm

I wouldn't analyze it.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:39pm
Well, the guy that I went out with Friday called just to say he had a good time and we chatted a little. Then, he called last night. We were literally ont eh phone for hours.Though I like talking to him, I can't do that every night. I only got less than three hours sleep, have a ton of work to do before I go away next week. However, he did make a comment that might help the poster of this thread. He said he doesn't follow "the rules." He just does what he feels is right at the time. I don't think anything is wrong with how often the guy is calling our poster. I think less conversation actually makes it easier on both to feel less pressure and ability to meet others until they want to be mroe exclusive. Too much too soon often makes one run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:32pm

Thanks for all the responses. I haven't been able to respond till now.

Here's the additional info which makes it confusing to understand. Ok ok, I did a bad thing on the 2nd date - we slept together. But then he told me it was okay because he liked me and wanted to develop something with me. Here's the 2nd factor. I am 4 years older than him. He's 29 and I'm 33. Now that I've set the stage - since the 2nd date, we went out 2 more times so I know he is interested. But...each time we spent the night together. See (this sounds so pathetic) I really liked him and felt that if I said, lets take a step back, he would think I didn;t like him or loose interest. I guess I felt like without sex, what did I have to offer a younger guy? after all, I am a divorced 30 something woman, not a 17 yr old virgin. But...in between the dates...nothing. SO I tried to talk to him last night (on our 4th date) about how I couldn't continue sleeping with him in a casual relationship. He understood but said he *had* only 4 dates and I looked crazy - like some pushy female. Now its all messy. I'm not even sure I'll here from him again. It didn't go well last night. I think he thinks I have issues now. But I would like to develop a relationship and he is content with the once a week date. I also can't help being afriad that he is just using me - the older woman for sex until he meets some 25 yr old girl. Such a cliche'. Am I nuts?

Thanks. Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 8:07pm
You're not crazy! This guy doesn't sound very nice. For the record, you're not pushy or old, either. This guy sounds like a manipulator. The way you're feeling about the difference in your ages is probably subtle messages he's been sending, because four years is nothing, unless they're teens. I mean, when you were two, a four year old child was twice as old as you. However, a few years one way or the other in the twenties and thirties hardly counts. Anyway, you just want him to be straight-forward with you and treat you like you have value. Then he comes back that you looked crazy, like a pushy woman. Plllease. Do me a favor and read the book "How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved" by Sandra L. Brown. It talks about men who are "just" dangerous to our emotions, as well as the other types. Actually, emotionally unavailable men send more women into counseling than the other types. It's just not right of them to seem to offer a woman something then yank it back, blaming the woman for it. It sounds to me that's what this guy is doing. You deserve better. Best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: ivy_midnight
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 8:22pm

Thank you! I least I feel validated. My last relationship was with a man who was a master manipulater and at the end, he admitted he knew what he was doing. Its pretty scary because I consider myself intelligent but he really seemed genuine. I am not sure if this guy is a manipulator or just plain immature. He is very confusing though. Seriously mixed messages. I actually think by trying to talk about it I may have scared him away. I have this feeling I've heard the last from him. It all makes no sense.

I think now that he knows I want a relationship and not just one date a week and sex, he is gone. Its so pissing me off because I said on my profile I wanted a relationship and so did he. I guess he does but just not with me. I guess I am just good enough for one thing.




Edited 3/30/2006 9:45 pm ET by ivy_midnight