Calls ,but no dates?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Calls ,but no dates?
7
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 2:55pm

I met a guy the traditional way, in the real world at a bar actually. He approached me, seemed nice but nervous to talk to me. I gave him my number and he called 2 days after meeting me. During our first phone conversation he asked me out for the following night, where we had dinner and a really nice time overall. Since then he calls me steadily, pretty much everyday or every other. Our conversations aren't long, 15 minutes tops. Problem is his schedule is so hectic that we haven't gone out again and that was over 2 weeks ago. I talked to him last night and said "well hopefully we can get together again soon" and he mentioned that maybe we could on Sunday night as his mom is taking his son (he is a single father with custody 50% of the time.) So my question is, should I give him the benefit of the doubt that he is really busy and won't have a lot of time to date? He is a single dad, works full time and is in graduate school. I WANT to date him, I don't want a "phone buddy." I'm keeping my options open as always but have yet to meet any other interesting men lately. Should I give him a break and continue to talk to him and see where things go? I feel like I know him pretty well from the phone conversations that we have had, but the feelings aren't going anywhere as we haven't been able to go out again.

Stacey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:04pm

He suggested Sunday – did you say that sounds good with me – let me know so I don’t make other plans (good way to firm things up and shows interest on your end).

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:34pm

I did say "sounds good." I'll talk to him more about it tonight. Maybe I do have unrealistic expectations. But i've had numerous friends and even my mom and brothers say "you haven't gone out again in over 2 weeks? He's not that into you, if he were you would have gone out with him again by now." When I begin dating someone, I see them once or twice a week, so this is a little odd to me. And in the end it irritated me that I had to bring up going out again, it wasn't him who suggested getting together. You'd think if he were calling so much he would be doing the asking.

Like I said, I don't want a phone buddy. I'm not one to call and talk and not make plans to see one another. It would be like any of you talking to a guy you met online for 2 weeks w/o him saying "let's try and get together this weekend." You would be thinking 'what's the point of this'? Right?

Stacey

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:51pm

Yeah, I'd have a hard time with this as well. If this is his normal schedule and he only has time to see you every 2-3 weeks, I'm not sure how you could get to know each other well enough to have an actual relationship ;-)! Heck, I'm having trouble with the guy I've been dating for just over a month only having time to see me once a week.

I suppose you could keep going for a while and see if anything changes (that's what I'm doing) but I wouldn't hold your breath that things will work out. He doesn't sound like he has time to date, frankly.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:53pm
Perhaps but that is the case that is why I said don't have any expectations - keep dating others and if he's serious about dating you then he will pursue you.
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:11pm
well it sounds like he is definitely interested since he's calling you frequently...if he wasnt interested I wouldnt think he'd call at all...I agree with the others that he sounds very busy. It's up to you if you want to deal with his schedule. Maybe you could just suggest something? Maybe he is nervous to ask you again since he has already approached you, asked for your # and asked you out? I guess i see nothing wrong with you asking this time...he sounds interested for sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:14pm

If he's just completely busy, it may have nothing to do with you! I literally have to set dates out about 2 weeks because I'm never in town... and that's with friends as well as men I like. So don't judge it just yet. See what happens this Sunday. If nothing, then go from there...


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 9:09am
You dont say how long ago you met him, but from a single working mom POV, yes, sometimes it IS hard to fine time to date. BUT ... if he is really into you, he should be able to invite you to at least a quick lunch or something. & if he has his child only 50% of hte time, I would think he could squeeze you in once a week. JMHO
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