Can a ghost change his tune?
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| Sun, 03-12-2006 - 8:59pm |
6 years ago I was aggressive in OLD and the first man I met was S. We bonded immediately online and when we met face to face it was the most amazing experience of my life. In the beginning he made promises he didn't followed through with. At the time I met him he had just separated from his wife (1 month before) and had moved to California to start over. Shortly after moving here (he moved in with his parents) he found out his soon to be ex-wife was pregnant. He would disappear for months on end and at one point about 6 months after we met he disappeared for a long time. When he returned he said he wanted to try and make it with his wife. I said I thought that was odd because I only know that when there are children involved and that is when I found about her being pregnant. She gave birth to a little boy in Oct 2000. Over the course of the past 6 years we chatted every 2-3 months and he stopped making promises. I wrote him 2 emails explaining how I feel and how hard it is that he isn't making an effort and at the same time we remained in contact all this time. The past 8 months he has been more involved in my day to day life. As we go forward we chat at least once a week and he has been so complimentary to me. I have been losing weight and he is quite clear how he feels about it. He compliments me on my new body and is concerned that I lose too much weight. He says all the time how sexy I am and wants to see me. He now says he will be able to come down (he lives 3 hours away) in a week. He has done everything he has said he was going to do without making any promises. I am so over trusting that he will do anything he says and I am quite guarded over the whole thing.
I am still in love with this man. He asks if I do but I hedge and tell him that I don't know because I can't trust him at this point. I was fine with him and all when he and I were chatting online with the webcam on and at the end of the conversation we were saying goodbye and one of the last things he says was..."Honey you look great."
One other point in his direction is when I got sick in 2001 and lost partial use of my legs he was there. The night before I had surgery on my spine Oct. 2001 he said he would check with me and he did. He called me that afternoon. He told me that I would be fine and to let him know when I got home how things went. I did and he was attentive while I was off work for several months. Then he disappeared again for a few months.
It feels like things are changing. Is it possible that when we met he was needing some space from life? We talked about how he had met those goals that he set in 2000 and I told him I was proud of him. He is an amazing Dad and his son has changed his whole life. The little man lives in Arkansas and S flies there and stays in a motel and when it's time for his son to visit him he flies to pick him up and takes him back being on a plane for many many hours in a day. He never knew that having a son could be like this for him. Very sexy for me.
So could he be wanting more? I have NOT been waiting for him. He just was always there. I deleted him more times than I can count on my Yahoo Messenger and swear everytime I do it's within a few days he shows back up. It's like he knows.
Okay so I went off......what does everyone think? Can a ghost change his direction and be someone who is reliable and trustworthy??
F

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We can disagree that's fine and no worries.
Yes, I believe people can change, but it has to be a decision made from within and not something that anyone else can really influence. I continue to have to learn that lesson over and over in my life.
I think it is possible for things to work with this man, but he will have to decide, as you said yourself, if he wants to climb those mountains in order to make it happen or not. I can relate to a degree here because I still have some contact with the guy who was the bounty hunter (my first online meet & was on-call 24/7, but ultimately did not have the time nor inclination to have a real committed relationship with me or anyone else). I think you have to look at the factors in the other person's life. Do they have problems or drama in their lives that prohibit them from acting on their desire to have a stable relationship? If this is the case, I don't recommend waiting on them to get their life straightened out or "ducks in a row" as the phrase goes. Speaking as someone who has waited way too many years on men to get their acts together, I think it's possible you might miss out on someone great if you wait for the one you think you really want. I would not rule out others while you are waiting.
So, while I can certainly understand your desire for things to work out with this guy, don't spend too much time worrying about what you can do to nudge him in that direction. If he makes the effort on his own, it looks promising, but I agree with some of the others that you need time with someone in person to know more about them and to know if you are truly matched. Time will tell with him. Let us know what happens.
I stopped waiting on this man about 4 years back. If he wants to climb those mountains he will surely have to compete with those who are in the running right now. Thanks for the advice.
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I would never go there....the option is he comes here or we meet halfway which is a small jaunt from my work at the end of the day.
Thanks!!
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