can I just vent???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2000
can I just vent???
24
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 4:41pm

Ladies,

I will try not to just ramble on here but am frustrated. So I joined Match about 3 weeks ago, 25 days to be exact. Can you believe that I have had 3 guys try to pull a scam on me? That was my 1st week - wth!! Match isnt cheap but if its full of posers, I am willing to lose my money than waste my time. Then last Friday, this guy emails me, we start chatting, asked him to send me a pic in email, as I wanted to record his location (this is how I caught the would be scammers) and he seemed legit. So over the weekend, we were emailing and texting and Monday after about 10A, he goes incommunicado. So that night, I texted him and said you ok? Nada. Next morning, I log on my Yahoo messenger, I see convos from him the night before. something about having issues with his fence at home (due to high winds) and changing his number blah blah. So i was like, ok, apprently, no phone for 3 days but he can chat. Which, he really did, brought his Ipad to work and so Wed, we were planning on meeting when I am in the area, he was actually very verbal, we started talking on the phone, short talks and then was planning on talking a whloe lot more last nite. Btw, he called me in the afternoon, but I missed it, so I called him back, talked for about 10 mins, when we hung up, he texted me with an XOXO. So around 5P he texted me and said, on my way home, will call you when get in. (he commutes 2 hrs) So I was thinking he would call around 8P or 9P, rolls around, nothing, texted him no response. I hear a beep on my phone, alerts me to an email and what do you know, him stating, that he doesnt think he can push through with the online dating blah blah, its not me, its him...

What irritates me the most is, really, dude, you have to do this in email plus, mix messages?? I really do think that men are much more than girlies than we are. When I get hits on Match and I am not interested, I let them know. Now I wish the guys would do the same or stop trolling! Like how many times can you look at my pic? Just try me, say something!

Sorry, I did blabber but I needed to let this out..i dont need a prince charming, i dont need the tin man, i just want a real one! what rock are they hiding under???

KA

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 5:38pm

Is this your first time doing online dating? If so, welcome to the weird world of OLD!

I've done online dating off and on for several years, and really, it's a lot about luck and where you live I think. Fortunately, I have never had anyone try to scam me. The next thing you need to know is that you have to grow a thick skin. Don't take anything personally.

Personally, I find having to reject someone excruciating, and if a man writes to me and I'm not interested, I just don't reply. I used to reply, but I got enough nastygrams back from men that I just stopped. 

Many, many conversations start online, and many never end up in a meeting. And many meetings are disappointing--you end up just not being a match. Everyone is annonymous until you meet, and I think this makes it easier to back out and appear flaky.

I understand your frustration, but I'd give it some more time. You never know--you could hear from a great guy tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 5:38pm

Yes well that has happened to me more than once in the past--the guy emails for a while and then when it comes time to meet, they chicken out.  I remember once that I had arranged to meet a guy one night and then he canceled that night & I think he said maybe the next night, but then he said no, I changed my mind.  But I think he is still on OLD.  I do sometimes stop talking to someone if they start saying things that make me think I will not like them, but I haven't gotten to the point where I say I will meet someone & then back out at the last minute.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 04-14-2013 - 12:37am

  What arrogance!  Do you think that YOU are his life?  That perhaps he has other interests and demands on his time?  In these times with adults who work or not just do not wait as if a date is the most important item on their agenda.  Women and men are not the myths we are fed but living breathing people with our own problems.  The romantic ideal is a myth good for children.  Most people do not wait to date just one but many and meet as soon as possible.  If their schedule does not match yours then add others until you tire or meet what you think you want.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2013
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 1:06pm

I have a (probably dumb) question- what do you mean by you've had 3 guys try to "scam" you? I usually associate scam with money but I'm guessing that's not what you meant?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2013
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 1:08pm

Just thought of another question- how do you record their location?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013
Wed, 04-17-2013 - 3:54pm

Start working at home with Google! It's by-far the best job Ive had. Last Monday I got a new Alfa Romeo from bringing in $7778. I started this 9 months ago and practically straight away started making more than $83 per hour. I work through this link, MOJO50.COM

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 6:05am

Hi,

I have a suggestion for you. Actually, a couple.

1)Stop "looking" for love, and get busy DOING something you love.

Go offline. Stay offline. Just because you can advertise your garage sale on Craig's List or buy a car off eBay, doesn't mean online is the best way to find love. And, it's true, if you are desparate, you're going to find "desparate" looking for you. 

Don't be desparate.

2)Join others doing things you like to do or find fulfilling. I don't know what that is for you? Is it volunteering at the food pantry? A book club? A cooking class? A church? A synagouge? A spiritual retreat? 

When you stop "desparately seeking anyone" you'll put yourself in the place of being attractive by virtue of getting on with your life. In other words, get busy and be yourself and while you're doing that you'll meet other people who share your VALUES and not just your interests. How do you think wealthy people meet someone? They dont' go online.

I also suggest you cultivate friendship vs. romance. I'm not talking about that pig-in-a-dress called "friends with benefits." I'm talking FRIENDSHIP. You want to know what a person is like when no one is watching: character. 

Shared values. Good character. A work ethic. A plan. A sense of destiny.

Guys online as are guys you meet at the bar are generally hoping for one thing: a sexual encounter. 

Think more of yourself. Raise the bar high. Someone else has those same values and you won't meet them if you spend all your time and money trolling the online wasteland. 

And, yes, I am happily married to a man who was a good friend for many years. We didn't hop into the sack with the first "I love you" either. We're still friends, too. We knew each other's values: shared faith, work ethic, cultural background, and that we wanted a stable, faithful, and respectful relationship. Notice I didn't say a certain income, house, or car. VALUES.

Good luck.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 6:07am
X, There's no "thumbs up" button on here, but if there were...you'd have a few from me on this post!
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-21-2013 - 8:34am

Hey Wisdom, I just have a couple of points I'd like to make. How do you know if the original poster isn't also DOING things she likes? Many normal, sane people do online dating as an extra way to meet someone. Not all men online are looking just for sex. Not all women who are online are desperate.

It's truly fantastic that you met someone you were friends with and that now you are happily married. But not everyone--despite their efforts (or even the non-effort of "not trying") fail to meet someone they have enough in common with to marry. It doesn't have to mean they are looking in all the wrong places or that they are desparate or codependent. 

I don't know the age of the original poster, but if she's over 35, I will say that it gets increasingly difficult to meet someone. Period. Not impossible--people do it all the time--but the reality is that it's way harder. Why not use tools at your disposal?

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 04-21-2013 - 9:35am

Florida,

Everyone here knows the only thing we've got to go on these boards is what is posted.

I'm not a mind reader. Are you?

Perhaps your experience has been different; so share it. That's what these boards are for: different perspectives. So offer yours up. I've offered mine.

That aside, IMO, women today (of all ages) set the bar way too low and jump in the sack with a guy way to quick and then wonder why he doen't want to get to know them better or commit. Why should he? He's gotten what he wanted, i.e. milk, cow. 

By the way, if you think men aren't geared to get laid, you're naive. It's how human beings are programmed. Except women control that outcome. And we've been told to just give it away and still expect the fairy tale. Nothing could be further from the truth. If a  man can't take the time to get to know you (and you him) without being naked, take a pass. I said no alot when I was single because I could see what was in play. It wasn't in my best interest and so I passed. In retrospective, I'm glad I did. The fooled someone else and left them in tears. Not me. 

My marriage is based on something broader than "what's in it for me." If more women believed that they'd spend less time and energy chasing a fantasy.

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