Can internet relationships really work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Can internet relationships really work?
18
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 1:53pm
Hello everyone!

I'm not new to iVillage, but I am new to this board so hello to everyone! =)

About a month and a half ago I was chatting in a local room for romance on Yahoo. I got a PM from a guy who lives about an hour and a half away from me. At first I kind of ignored him. Only talked to him every now and then and really didn't think much about him. Onc day I was chatting with some other folks and he popped up again and sent me a message saying that he really wanted to talk to me and get to know me, but I always seemed too busy to talk to talk to him so he was going to stop bother me and if I wanted to talk to him just send him a message. At first I thought he was being a bit of a drama queen, but a couple of days passed and as I re-read his message it didn't seem as dramatic as it did the first time I read it so I sent him a message. I apologized and told him I would love to get to know him better.

We talked online for a week and I gave him my phone number. We talked on the phone a couple of times and made plans for him to come to where I live for us to meet. We were going to do the dinner and a movie thing. The night was amazing. Once we got started talking we clicked and it just seemed like I had known him forever even though we just met.

We've seen each other every weekend since and things are going great. We're moving as slow as we can, but we both admit to having some pretty intense feelings for each other. I was wondering if it's possible for a relationship started via the internet to actually work out?

So far the dating part of things have been normal and I know just like any relationship the outcome depends on how hard each party involved works at it. I've never been in a relationship that was sparked via the internet and sometimes it seems strange. When people ask how we met I hesitate. I don't want to say "the internet". I don't know. Can anyone relate to this feeling or give me any advice on how to go forward with this?

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Avatar for jayecey
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 2:24pm
Welcome to Cyberconnections :) Everyone here can relate to what you're experiencing :) I remember how strange it felt also when I first told everyone about my internet relationship, I was concerned that my family and friends would think I'd lost my mind! It was an exaggeration of my thoughts because they hardly blinked at the news lol Even though it's not what I would recommend, most new people I meet are actually fascinated with my situation.

Click on our cyberconnections homepage above and meet some of the women who are part of this ever growing family :)

Jayecey

Avatar for neatdesign
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 2:46pm
To answer your first question -- is it possible for a relationship started via the internet to actually work out? -- the answer is yes. I'm getting married next month to Mark, whom I met online and who is moving to the States from England next week (NEXT WEEK!!). Others on this board and elsewhere have made long-term successes of their OLRs, too.

To answer your second question -- can anyone relate to feeling hesitant to mention you met online? -- the answer is, again, yes. Even though my relationship with Mark has been a success, I still stumble in responding to the "How did you meet?" questions. For us, there is no way around that question, since he's from the UK and I'm from here -- there is no other way to say how we met without lying, which I won't do.

But my hesitancy comes more from my assumption that people will negatively judge us once they learn how we met. Even worse, it's hard not to care what people think, even though ultimately it shouldn't matter, especially if they're just colleagues or acquaintances. But that's human nature, I guess. :)

It sounds like you are starting off on the right track -- taking things slowly, spending time together in person, getting to know each other. Be a bit wary of the intense feelings just enough to keep smart about it, but not enough to dampen the excitement of this new relationship. In my opinion, once you've met in person and start spending time together in person, your relationship has moved out of the pure OLR phase. Start thinking of this new relationship in the same light you would any other relationship, where you met through more traditional means (school, work, friends, etc.). Don't let the "online aspect" of it throw you off -- at this point, it shouldn't really matter how you met, just whether you're enjoying each other's company.

~ Neat

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 3:11pm
I don't think it makes a bit of difference how you met - you have met in person and you have clicked - if there are things about him you don't trust, do a google search on his name, etc - otherwise, what's different than meeting someone at a bar?

I have several friends/relatives who are married/engaged/serious who met through the internet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 4:27pm
Welcome to our board. I really hope you decide to keep posting, even after you get the advice you are looking for. I also hope you get the advice you are looking for. lol I would say you are really on the right track with this relationship. There is still that stigma about meeting someone on line. I myself am having trouble admitting to people how I met my guy, Mark. I met him on line, almost exactly the way you described your guy. I was just online, bored and here he comes a message. "Hello, how are you?" A normal chat it seemed, so I induldged in the conversation. He was polite and we simply had a nice chat. A few more chats and we decided to phone one another. I allowed him to phone me and he was very polite and agreed at anytime if I felt uncomfortable or anything, to just let him know and he would be more than happy to not call me again. He was just so nice, it was hard not to trust him. What he said was the truth. He has been nothing but honest and open with me ever since. We instantly connected. It is now 31/2 months and he is planning to move to the states for work, but in hopes to pursue this relationship we started on line. Now, when I tell people I met someone on line, their first repsonse is the dangers of it and all this. Well, I checked him out and know all he says is true. I have spoken to several family members and friends, and even his room mate.So, I think if you feel uncomfortable telling people right away, dont. It is really none of their business how yuo two met. Just keep it simple, say "We met through a friend at work", or simply through a friend. That would not be a lie, since your friend is your computer. lol If it someone that knows you, then they should understand when you tell them that you two met on line, but immediately took it off line. SO, all in all, you are now dating him for real, so it shouldnt really matter how you met him. I know, it is hard to tell people, but say what you want. You shouldnt have to defend your relationship with anyone. Goodluck with him and please keep us posted. We love to hear on line success stories!! We also, have a webpage dedicated to success stories and you can post pics of you and your man on there as a couple. So, stick around!!

Gail

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 5:35pm
I know a lot of people who've met their spouses or SOs online, so YES, it can work. It's just another way of making a connection; you've now taken it to real life, so how you met really isn't relevant to your relationship. It's not an "internet relationship" anymore.

As far as telling people how you met, meeting online has really become very mainstream, and I don't understand why people are so uptight about it! I think it's much better to be upfront and honest with people about how you met, but you need to do what's comfortable for you. I met up with a group of women from Ivillage in SF this weekend and we had a blast telling everyone (servers, etc) that we met online!

Sheri

Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 7:07pm
Of course it can work!!! There are soooo many success stories here of people who have met the love of their lives online :) Its a different type of relationship, but it is still a relationship nonetheless :) Welcome to the board and let us know how things work out!!

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 7:26pm
Hi and welcome to the board!

I met my fiance online- and yes, I have a hard time admitting it, but I did. I think your relationship has a great chance of working out because: 1) you met in real life soon after "meeting" on the internet, so you didn't have a lot of expectations and 2) you live relatively close to each other, so you can see each other regularly. I'm not saying relationships that don't have these two factors can't work out, I just think it's much harder!

With my fiance, I answered his ad, forgot about it, and when he e-mailed me I thought he was a contact I had met through work! We only live 10 miles apart, and saw each other about 2 or 3 times a week for seven months. Then he asked me to marry him. :) So yes, it can work out.

Enjoy!


HS

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 8:03pm
Hi and welcome! Many people meet online and go on to have lasting relationships. It's not that unheard of anymore. I met my husband online and to be honest, it never bothered me to tell anyone how we met. Most thought it was pretty neat, and wanted to hear the whole story. Now though, there are more and more people meeting this way. Do a search on internet dating services, and see how many come up...then look at one of those sites and see how many people are there. With more and more people owning computers, it's an easy way to meet ppl.

My daughter has been seeing a guy that she met online...and most recently, my sister has met a guy online that she's now seeing. It doesn't seem weird or strange to me at all. It's only a way of meeting...just like meeting at a party...a church...a bar ...or through friends...the rest of the relationship is the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 11:17pm
Wow! Thanks to everyone for all your responses! I feel so much better after seeing that everyone can realte to what I'm feeling. It's just strange to have found someone who seems to be so compatable with me online. It's almost like it's too good to be true. I'm glad it is true and I'll keep you all posted on how things are going as we progress. I'm glad you're all here to talk to. Thanks. =)
Avatar for singlemom224
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:20pm
Though I used to be skeptical myself, I now believe that yes, relationships that started via the internet CAN indeed really work out. I met my current bf via the internet. He is the first & only (& LAST as well!) of many guys I've chatted w/ online that I actually met in person & let me tell ya, I have NEVER been happier & more in love then I am right now. I thought I knew what love was, but the truth is .. I don't think I did, until now. This relationship is so much different (for the better) than any other relationship I've ever been in. I have noticed that my past relationships tended to be more one-sided than anything (w/ me being the one more "into" the relationship, then the one hurt at the end), but I can honestly say my current relationship is 50/50, we work together, for each other & we just "click" so well together. We are currently looking into getting a place of our own together (along w/ my son), & we plan on eventually getting married (though at times it seems & looks like we already are lol) & starting a family together. As far as how you met, well IMO, that is no one's business but yours (the 2 of you as a couple). If you do not feel comfortable in telling people you met on the internet, then don't. Though I'm not ashamed of it, embarrassed or anything else, I do not tell people how my bf & I actually met, for the fact that I live w/ my parents & they would completely freak out! LOL

Best of luck .. but it sounds to me like you don't even need it!

~Stephanie

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