Can someone explain this to me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Can someone explain this to me...
30
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 5:09am

Hi all,

I have been dating this guy for about a month. We met on eharmony. We had a great time together, got together as much as possible since he works nights and I work days. We both had weekends off so that worked out good.

He told me he fell in love with me, we were going to go away together, wasn't going to let me go, etc. I fell in love with him too. We connected. And I felt he loved me, I really do.

The last time I saw him was Friday night. Everything was great. He had to work Sat. night to fill in for a friend. He called me Sunday, asked me to go over but I couldnt, I had my landlords coming up to repair something. He called me Sunday night on his way to work, but I was busy with them and then cleaning up their mess.

I havent heard from him since. I called him yesterday asking him to call me, to let me know he is ok. I left a message, then called twice, but he didnt answer his cell.

What is killing me is why did he tell me he was in love with me, only to "ghost" on me? How does someone do that to another person after all this? I am sick, I cannot eat, sleep, I have a son who is worried about me.

Why can't they just be honest and tell you the truth? The worst thing possible is for someone to just "go away" without even a word. Like you were crap.

Can someone PLEASE shead some light for me. I have to go to work today, and I am afraid I am going to break.

PS - I know nothing happened to him because when I first called, his cell was off, then when I called again, he rang and rang, and went to voicemail. He just didnt want to answer me.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:48am

Hi Caring-


I wish I had a dime for everytime I have been in your shoes.

CL-Truewild1969

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:50am

"I find that people who come on that strong (that early) usually fizzle out."


This is so true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:25am

If I had the answers, boy I wouldn't be going through this either! I have no idea, because Peter told me the exact same thing, honesty, trust and communication were so very important to him and that he had finally found me.

Well, I was very tempted to call again and leave one more message, but I have just tried not to do that. I know that you are hurting and I really can feel your pain, as I am going through the same thing. I guess I should just be thankful that I found this out now, after only 2 months, instead of being in it for longer. I really found out his true colors, and maybe someday he will call again, but I do know that I am better than that and that there is somebody out there deserving of my love.

I know it is hard to be at work and try to focus on your daily life. But please, do not make the mistake and call him! As hard as it is, don't do it. As the days go by, it does get easier, believe me. If he really cared about you and loved you as he said he did, he wouldn't be putting you through this. Try and focus on your work and getting your life back together and MOVE ON!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

If you want to correspond further - my e-mail address is palmdesertgirl2003@yahoo.com.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:08pm

I went through my cell phone this morning, (as that is the only # he had), I deleted all incoming, outgoing, and missed calls and I deleted his # also so I would not be tempted. I never wrote his # down or memorized it, so I cannot get in touch with him.

He does not deserve one more call from me. This is so hurtful though. I just dont understand what I could have done.

I will email you at your email address. Mine is ladykristine@msn.com, maybe we can help each other out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:25pm

That is soo funny....I do the exact same thing.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:41pm
He says he loves you after only 1 month of dating!? This is a RED FLAG in my book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:50pm

Why is that a Red Flag?

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:56pm

To me it's a red flag because a person who thinks they are in love after such a short time most likely has a fantasy view of love and relationships, not a realistic view. At the first sign of "reality", they are going to cut and run.

It can also be a sign of someone who wants to manipulate and control the other person by totally coming on strong and sweeping the person off their feet so that the other person feels too far gone to do anything once the reality comes out. It's a classic tactic used by abusers.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 1:31pm
I totally agree Sheri!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 1:55pm
So in other words, he NEVER loved me? He just told me that so he could get me where he wanted, and then dump me?