Can someone explain this to me...
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| Wed, 11-02-2005 - 5:09am |
Hi all,
I have been dating this guy for about a month. We met on eharmony. We had a great time together, got together as much as possible since he works nights and I work days. We both had weekends off so that worked out good.
He told me he fell in love with me, we were going to go away together, wasn't going to let me go, etc. I fell in love with him too. We connected. And I felt he loved me, I really do.
The last time I saw him was Friday night. Everything was great. He had to work Sat. night to fill in for a friend. He called me Sunday, asked me to go over but I couldnt, I had my landlords coming up to repair something. He called me Sunday night on his way to work, but I was busy with them and then cleaning up their mess.
I havent heard from him since. I called him yesterday asking him to call me, to let me know he is ok. I left a message, then called twice, but he didnt answer his cell.
What is killing me is why did he tell me he was in love with me, only to "ghost" on me? How does someone do that to another person after all this? I am sick, I cannot eat, sleep, I have a son who is worried about me.
Why can't they just be honest and tell you the truth? The worst thing possible is for someone to just "go away" without even a word. Like you were crap.
Can someone PLEASE shead some light for me. I have to go to work today, and I am afraid I am going to break.
PS - I know nothing happened to him because when I first called, his cell was off, then when I called again, he rang and rang, and went to voicemail. He just didnt want to answer me.
Thanks.

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Not necessarily. If he's the "fantasy" type, then he may well have believed that he was in love with you, but those guys don't really know what real love is, IMO.
Or he could be a player as you describe...or any number of other scenarios. I don't think which it is really matters, so much as the lesson to be learned: be on your guard when a guy starts moving that fast. If it's real, it'll be real a few months down the road, so there's no need to jump in with both feet just because that's what he's doing.
Sheri
No, I don't think that is what anyone is saying. What has been said is a generalization. But IN GENERAL, it's impossible to be in love with someone you've known only a month. You might think you're in love, but most likely, it's infatuation and/or loving the idea of being in love. In the beginning of a relationship, emotions and feelings run high and you might think you're in love with someone. But you honestly hardly know this person. It takes a good amount of time to really know someone and love them. You can like them a lot and enjoy their company, but true love after one month is rare. Not that it didn't happen in your case, but his actions speak louder than words. Love doesn't run away the first opportunity it gets.
Maybe he thought he was falling for you and then something hit him and he realized things were going too fast. I doubt he intentionally set out to hurt you by telling you this and dumping you. Few people in the world are THAT cruel but it sounds like he changed his mind or got in over his head. It's no excuse and sure, he took the chicken way out by vanishing, but isn't it better you found out now?
yup, happened to me after I'd been dating a guy for 3 months. All of a sudden, he stopped asking me to do things and was "busy" all the time if I'd suggest something. I got tired of humiliating myself and him saying no so I stopped asking, calling, emailing, everything. It hurts so much more than if they'd just get some cajones and tell you that they don't want to see you anymore. My analogy is that it's like pulling off a band-aid bit by bit instead of just ripping it off. The second one hurts really badly but the pain fades pretty quickly. The first hurts like heck for a really long time.
The pain will go away in time. Get yourself involved in things and don't sit home feeling sad.
"I find that people who come on that strong (that early) usually fizzle out."
Someone once told me that the ones who sweep you off your feet usually drop you on your a**.
So sorry to hear that you're going through this...kudos for deleting his numbers. That's what I do too. The pain will fade....most of us have been there. Distract yourself as much as possible, and take one day at a time. Do your best to take care of yourself...try to eat.
We're all here for you :)
Thank you....This is just so hard, and your right. Like ripping off a bandaid on a really bad wound, bit by bit. I cried my eyes out all the way home from work.
This is just so hard.
dont let this jade you for the next guy..
i had this happen to , i usually don't fall fast or hard but w/ this guy i did , he said all the right things and then poof gone, no rhyme or reason either and he was supposedly honest and upfront and would tell me anything he says.. so why not tell me why you disappeared.
these guys are cowards. they have probablby done it before and had a psycho beyotch come after them so instead they run and hide..obvious red flag if you say you are falling in love after a month. you don't know someone after a month
ishould add this to what is love post-- love grows over time.. the more and more you know someone. real loves grows. this is infatuation..
there is no rhyme or reason and if you are like me you will try and analyze, it and pick it apart but again you will never know why.. and maybe he just changed his mind but you are better off and you will get over soon because it wasn't that long of a time.. thankfully for you
>To me it's a red flag because a person who thinks
>they are in love after such a short time most likely
>has a fantasy view of love and relationships, not a
>realistic view. At the first sign of "reality",
>they are going to cut and run.
Well said Sheri!
Item Number 2 from "Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser"
http://www.womensaccounts.com/dating_a_loser.html
2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.
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