Can you survive LDR?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Can you survive LDR?
7
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 7:37am
U met him online but he is thousand miles away, from different country too, 12 hrs. apart, u love him-he loves you.......can you survive? If you're into it what are the things that you have done to make it work?

Let's hear it from you all....maybe someone will learn from ur advices. I'm into (overseas) LDR like Gail and Nicole here? Any tips/hints for me and everybody?

smiles

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 8:51am
Hi Jen,

I think it is possible to survive but for me it is linked with seeing each other on a regular basis and just as a LDR for a certain time. There should be a light at the end of the tunnel and the possibility of being together in person not too far away. If you already know you never want to live in the other one's country (or he in yours of course) then it doesn't make sense for me to go on with LDR.

For me it was important to meet him in person soon after we noticed from talking over email, messenger and phone that there could be more between us. And I don't think that now I would be able to be without my man for more than a few months. It is important to at least roughly know when you see each other again when it's time to say good-bye. Of course it is difficult, especially with thousands of miles and time differences in between but if you organize a bit it can work nevertheless. What Rob and I do for example is going to the movies at around the same time to see the same movie and then come back home and talk about it like as we have seen it together. Whenever we have the chance to see something on TV at the same time (normally some sports coverage) we do so and be on the phone together while we watch. Even if it is anything completely boring like Curling (sorry to all Canadians here!) it creates a good atmosphere if you do something together. We call that Long-distance-dating.

We stay in touch about our daily stuff and tell us what we have done over day or what we had for lunch. It's of course great if you have visited each others area already so that it makes the bell ring if you hear him saying "I just come back from Fortino's".

Last but not least, trust is very important, especially if you are in different time zones. Our difference is 6 hours which makes him sleep while I am already awake or me going to bed when he gets ready to meet his buddies for a beer. If you fear all the time what could happen while he is out, it will kill you. I trust in him and in our love because we are exclusive for each other and so we don't have to worry about anybody else.

That is my input how to survive a LDR!

Wonderful weekend to everybody!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 9:15am
Oh jen, I am so glad you asked. I personally, am not fond of LDRs. What I am fond of, is love. I truly did not ask for Mark. I was not looking for him. He popped into my life and we simply clicked. That click turned into a definite connection and we will soon see how the love we already have has been confirmed in person in the next week or two. Depending on his flight. (smiles)

SO, my advice to anyone in and LDr, or about to venture into it. It is hard. It is frustrating at many times and it can be beneficial to a busy life you may already have. It can be expensive as well. SO, you have to make sure you know what you are getting into and how patient you on being.

Patience and humor about the whole thing is all you need. You have to make sure it is right for you since it could be some time before you meet or see one another again. It can work out for the best, if you allow it to. Someone worth waiting for, will make you do just about anything to be with that person. You will cross oceans, fly over countries, and sell all you own to get to the one you love. That to me is why I am in an LDR. Love. True love.


Gail :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 10:06am
I would likely never get involved in an LDR - sure I could feel love for him and he for me but that would tell me little about whether we had what it took for a long term relationship - for that I would need consistent in person time (one to three times a week) for at least six months to know whether we should take a step forwad. If I were not interested in a long term relationship or marriage then sure it could be a harmless flirtation and fantasy.
Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 12:10pm
Well, I was in a relationship with a guy once who lived in England. Ya'll oldies remember Nick...how could you forget? ;) Eventually things didn't work out because the distance was just too great and neither of us wanted to deal with that. We still remain email friends though and he is actually moving to the US next month to pursue a Masters degree over here. Who knows...maybe things might pick up where they left off once he's here?

Lindsay

Photobucket



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 12:15pm
I've done 2 LDRs and neither worked out. One was with a guy from the Netherlands. He eventually moved to California and I was still in Chicago - only a 2 hour flight over a 10 hour one, but still a long ways away. That lasted for 2 years and we finally decided to move together into a central location - Colorado. We made a go of it for 3 more years, but in the end we'd actually liked each other a lot better when we saw each other less. Living together brought a lot more stress into the relationship and unfortunately we weren't able to try living apart - when I moved I left with no money, no job, etc. etc. (I know big mistake but I was so very naive back then). Finally about a month before our 5 year "anniversary" we split. I'm still searching - he's actually found his soul mate, got married and has 1 kid and one on the way.

The next LDR was with a guy in England. This lasted about one year and 3 visits that totaled to about 6 weeks of actual face-to-face interaction. In the end we both agreed that we weren't right for each other and the distance was both driving us nuts.

So basically I've personally had it with LDRs and am only searching for men who are withing driving distance (within an hour or less). Unfortunately I'm not a terribly good match for most men in Colorado (they all love skiing, hiking, etc., I prefer museums, theatre, the opera). Part of me wants to move back to Chicago where there are more men my type, but I've got a great career out here now, and lots of great friends. So its a hard choice. Well I'm at least staying put til my stock options vest, then we'll see what happens! ;o)

I hope some part of this helps.

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 9:00pm
Jen-

i am now currently in a LDR and i can tell you it's probably one of the hardest things ive ever done. But that doesnt get to me the most and the fact that hes 400 miles away from me doesnt make me love him any less if it does anything it makes me love him more. If you are truly in love than i say stick with it girl because love can withhold anything and im sure some of you think its a bunch of bull, but from my experience now, i love him more than ever and i just cant wait till the day we're together..hoped it helped :)

- Lindsay

Avatar for crystalgirl32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 9:41am
John and I was a Ldr before we got married.They are very difficult but it takes commitment, trust and huge amounts of patience.There was plenty of times I wanted to throw in the towel but didn't because I loved John so much.I don't know any advice to make it any easier to handle,I wish I did.Good Luck ,Crystal