Can't figure him out...
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Can't figure him out...
| Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:21pm |
Okay, I've been dating this guy for a couple weeks. We've talked a lot on the phone and have been out 3 times. Our dates are getting progressively longer...the first was 2.5 hours, second was 4 hours and the last date we had was about 8 hours and yes we kissed, a really wonderful sexy and emotional kiss...i have to say it was, hands down, the absolute best kiss I've ever gotten :) We have plans for this thursday night and we also already planned to go to the museum on saturday. We have a great time when we're together but the phone calls and emails are pretty dry. He acts sooo casual when we talk on the phone, it's almost like he's a different person than the person I was with on the dates, the only thing that really let's me know that he is interested is his willingness to schedule more dates with me. He's still logging into the dating site where we met. I feel like I'm at an awkward point with him. It kind of bothers me to think he is pursuing other people. Should I just wait for him to bring up this topic? It's kind of hard to figure him out. When I first met him on OLD a few months ago, we chatted for a while then I kind of ghosted on him. Then I contacted him again and he said he was pursuing someone else and wanted to see where that goes. Well, now it's me that he's pursuing but I see he is still logging into the dating site.
Do you usually wait for the guy to bring up exclusivity chats? I know it's too early to be exclusive. I'm just perplexed by this guy because he is soooo casual yet we keep scheduling dates. Most guys I date make it far more obvious they are into me (and ironically I'm usually not that into them). He's the first guy I have cared anything about in a very long time. I really can't wait to see him again, but I'm just dying thinking he is so casual about it.
Do you usually wait for the guy to bring up exclusivity chats? I know it's too early to be exclusive. I'm just perplexed by this guy because he is soooo casual yet we keep scheduling dates. Most guys I date make it far more obvious they are into me (and ironically I'm usually not that into them). He's the first guy I have cared anything about in a very long time. I really can't wait to see him again, but I'm just dying thinking he is so casual about it.

What do you mean "casual", when you say he's so casual on the phone? That actually sounds like a positive to me (as opposed to uptight or nervous)--so can you clarify what you mean by that?
To me, the fact that he's scheduling dates with you and you have lots of fun on the dates would far outweigh how he acts on the phone in between.
And if him being on the dating site bothers you, then stop looking at his profile. That, and go on other dates yourself. You know it's too soon to be talking about exclusivity so don't even go there ;-)!
Sheri
...casual as in cool-headed, like he doesn't care either way. he doesn't have a lot to say on the phone and doesn't email unless it's to ask about going out. so, he seems impersonal when we aren't together. it's just so different than what I'm used to. Normally guys email me long emails and have a lot to say on the phone. one of my friends said that's probably just his personality and not indicative of his interest level. i'll just focus on what it's like when we're together which is so awesome.
Okay, I won't look at his profile anymore! ;) Don't get the wrong idea, i haven't been stalking him or anything..I just peeked a couple times over the weekend.
Ok thanks for clarifying. I would agree with your friend. And frankly I think I'd rather be in your situation than the one I'm in with this one guy I've been dating for about 6 weeks now, which is having great daily phone conversations, but only seeing him once a week or less, and then only for an hour or two for dinner. The grass is always greener, eh ;-)?
Sheri
I guess i should just be happy about what's going on with michael and I.
Dev
Why indeed ;-)? That is the $64,000 question. He does have kind of a crazy schedule but honestly I think it's because he's just not willing to put the time and effort into building a relationship, even though he claims to want one. He claims he's very interested in me, and the daily phone calls would seem to support that...but I need more than phone calls, I need to spend time with him on a regular basis to feel connected. He is changing jobs soon so his schedule may free up a bit, but I'm not holding my breath. I like him as a person and we seem to be compatible in many ways, but I'm just not feeling a good romantic, "wooing" vibe from him, if you will (he's also not good about taking the lead in planning dates, which is a turn-off for me), so who knows, maybe we are just meant to be friends.
Sheri
If someone claims to be very interested in you, you should believe them. Why else would they say it?
It's probably that you're not that interested in him.
If after 6 weeks you arent feeling much and you dont think he has, then maybe it's time to just let it go...
I'm a big believer in matching actions and words. To me, his words and actions don't match. So that's why I'm skeptical about his interest level. Either that, or he's content with what is basically a phone relationship--and if that's the case, then we're not a good match.
I am at least somewhat interested in him (that's why I've continued to see him), but in order to feel *more* interested, I need him to step it up and start behaving more romantically and schedule more frequent dates. But maybe he's just not that guy. And yes, I'm close to breaking it off (or shifting it to a platonic friendship) if nothing changes.
Sheri
You've been on three dates!